#127 – Slater and Gordon

Years of watching Today/Tonight and A Current Affair and reading News Limited have taught the bogan that it is not to blame for anything. The introduction of a kaleidoscope of alternative scapegoats for the faults and failings of bogan society – foreigners, children, foreigners’ children – have placed the bogan in a warm, soothing cocoon of impenetrable security. Their child’s illness is an allergy. Their resulting behaviour is a disease treatable by anti-psychotics. Job loss is the result of cheap migrant labour. There is no action the bogan can take that will result in negative consequences or blame for the bogan. Chlamydia has no symptoms.

Akin to Max Markson, who saw the bogan need to be famous and monetised it, like coke saw the bogan need for massive cans and monetised it, Slater and Gordon realised – well before most – the bogan desire for x-treme lawyering. As has previously been discussed on TBL, the bogan lives life to the maxtreme. But when something fucks up, it wants justice; the mega justice that comes from a legal system to the power of maximum times awesome. Should a bogan slip on a puddle of spilt detergent at the supermarket as the pimply 16 year-old fetches a mop, the supermarket faces x-treme bogan legal retribution. Should a bogan forget how to properly operate its jet ski and does its back, water speed regulations are at fault. Should a bogan fail at a glassing attempt and get hurt, their assailant is a heinous criminal who deserves righteous dispensation of legal vengeance forthwith. And when it happens, Slater and Gordon provide the mega justice.

Even better, they do it for nothing.

Just like Harvey Norman and their ilk realised that if the bogan has nothing to pay up front, they will walk out of any store with an inordinate amount of televisual and refrigeration equipment they do not need, Slater and Gordon’s epiphany was that offered free legal advice, the bogan will sue anyone for anything, at anytime. The bogan only pays legal fees if they win their case.

So, despite the bogan’s firm belief that several years of watching Law & Order have prepared it for the rigours of the Australian courtroom, S&G are there to represent it. The bogan hates rules and laws, but is not aware that the existence of many of the rules it hates most is a direct result of its own reckless behaviour. S&G are aware.