The bogan does not like public transport. It will, whenever possible, burn the maximum amount of fossil fuels it can in order to get from A to B, occasionally via L. While it has, over the course of the past five or so years, migrated swiftly into newly gentrified inner suburbs, the bogan has brought its deeply held love of driving any distance more than 200 metres with it. As such, despite now living less than five minutes walk from almost every necessary service, the bogan will drive three minutes to the gym to walk on a treadmill for half an hour or lift weights of Warner Brothers-esque proportions. The bogan won’t be seen dead on a train, unless it’s the first train on a Sunday morning, which it can then advertise to its cohorts in an effort to demonstrate its capacity for maxtreme partying. Trams are for latte-sipping poofs. Buses are barely mentioned. But there is one bus, aside from the Vengabus, that no bogan can resist the lure of: the Party Bus.
A mobile bogan convention of epic proportions, the Party Bus (or in the original Latin, Buseus Boganicus) has become the vehicle of choice of partying bogans with short attention spans who cannot afford a stretch Hummer or know too many other bogans to fit in one. The party bus will take the bogans to many, many bogan venues over the course of four hours, charge the bogan great amounts of money for what is in effect a large, smelly taxi. Irregardless, the Bogan Bus is now home to every conceivable bogan celebration. Of which there are three; 21st birthdays, bucks nights and, especially, hens nights. During these sessions, the boguettes will engage in a variety of thrilling activities, from truth or dare games, to pole dancing competitions, to fake orgasm competitions, all guided by their trusty host, Steve.
No one knows where these hosts go during the day, but they appear to be some kind of supra-bogan. It is as if they were once bogans, but have transcended into a state of pure boganic energy, emerging in corporeal form only to guide confused and disoriented bogans around the CBD to ever more seedy bars before popping last year’s designer drug and trying to nail the hen’s best friend/drunkest chick there.
If you encounter a Bogan Bus in the wild, the wisest course of action is not to turn around, not to run. Instead, resist the natural human inclination to flee, and simply back away slowly until you are at a safe distance; at which point you should calmly turn around and take to your heels. Once you’ve gone, the participants in the maxtreme bogan party session will search for Rachael, who was last seen at Velour Bar with the host, before heading off, leaving her to catch the first train home tomorrow morning.
Things Bogans Like 
LOL. “Irregardless”. The irony of your choice will be obvious to most, but not all. Can’t wait to see which bogue is first to gleefully call you on it…
It would have been far more enjoyable had it not been pointed out, Fiona.
How bogan, to point it out.
Irregardless, it would be sporting to allow Raechyll and her Hens to continue blowing their penis whistles throughout the evening, oblivious to their ritual slaughter of the English language.
LOL. I wanted to point it out before Pinky arrived, thus allowing me the joy of making her squirm AND being able to say “I told you so!”
@ Fi
What are you going on about now?
There are no bogans called “Rachael.”
There are plenty called “Racheal.”
I’m serious. I know three (work clients).
Spelling isn’t a Bogan’s strong point.
They are likely to have friends called Makaylar, too.
I know at least one Raesheal… is that even the same base name?
sounds more like ‘racial’.
Party bus in latin is actually ‘Omnibusica Boganicus’. Otherwise, very good. 😉
and Shirly in latin is Omnipresicus Shirlensicus ?
No. It’s just Shirley.
Shirley you can’t be serious…
Oh yeah, deadly serious. This is no place for shits and giggles.
I appreciate the reference, even if no-one else does.
Not many bogans living in my inner city suburb they just arrive on the weekends and drunkenly stagger around like a foul that’s just been hit on the head
LOL. foul = foal!
I was thinking fowl Dean. Either is funny though.
Simon
See you and raise you one.
Foul, fowl , would do it ?
JH,
It is foul to foal a fowl!
Simon,
It would indeed be foul to foal a foul fowl ?
10’s all round.
Simon,
Thank you. Just noticed, It was a full house too .!
and after they leave “trendy” Brunswick Street, they do a wee in a shop doorway, leave their Mc Wrappers and empty stubbie all over the ground then drive off into into Bogan Oblivion
i used to live in Glebe and i saw all the party buses parked at the Harold Park Raceway…
Fiona..”gleefully” you fake hipster pleb. I call bullshit on you and all of your ilk.
Ding, Ding, Ding.
‘Glee’, now THAT’s bogan.
Too right. Am I mistaken, or are they going to make a “reality” version of that god-awful steaming turd? If that’s so, then Glee is especially Bogan.
Do I remember rightly that they did a P!nk special? The world is going to hell in a handbag.
I don’t know, mate. Glee is one show where the ads alone broadcast a subliminal message to me (and others, I hope) to instinctively avoid such drek.
With you there, the ad sets my teeth on edge.
During my holidays, watching lots of daytime telly, I did see advertised the new P!nk coverband “Funhouse” – of the horror! We could hire them for the TBL end of year festivities.
Another Bogan related highlight was seeing a loud mouth Teenbogue walk onto the plane and announce to her boguette friends and the entire cabin that her ears were popping already. They hadn’t even closed the doors.. Gold.
Welcome back Vivi!! We’ve missed you! MWAH
i wonder if her ears pop when she goes up stairs.
Were you flying Tiger Viv?
My god, I go on holidays, get back to work and catch up on things and then turn around and find my good self slandered by suggestions that I might have flown Tiger. I am outraged! It was Virgin….
Please list these newly gentrified suburbs so I can avoid them. Sounds like a guy I used to work with showing up the Exeter Hotel in Adelaide for drinks in his Windsor Smith boots with his Rodney Rude tour tshirt tucked into his jeans, he’d moved to a nice little cottage in the city because it was close to work and picturesque (and he was a nice bloke), but always needed some subtle guidance……
Funny thing is, now living on the Gold Coast, I rarely see these mini versions of the Jetstar flight to Bali here. They seem to be taken over by the stretch Hummer. In Adelaide, however, they seem to still have that red double decker thing driving around on a Saturday night.
Could just be Adelaide’s up to date public transport buses still driving around
I beg your pardon, we have two trams at least.
I know, one of them goes nowhere.
A Mystery Cruise? 😉
No mystery. A bogue place of worship….the ‘Entertainment Centre.’ Or giant tin shed now with parachute entry forecourt.
Coming to The Port near you, a tram. Geez things are going to get sophisticated’n’shit out there Bogue.
Perhaps all those bogue investors at Newport Quays will be able to afford trips into town on the tram instead of just paying off the mortgage of an overpriced elevated shoebox.
Ok, cancel the tram, the city is infested enough. Newport Quays, more like suckers are us. Urban Construct, selling overpriced crap since 1993.
Closely resembling a low security remand centre, overlooking an industrial wasteland void of useful facilities – paradise.
I’ve been there and it is soul destroying.
Mind you, I drove past my families old house in Norwood…..the old guy next door must have died and no shit, in the space of a year they’ve torn down the old maisonette and erected a fucking two story eyesore. Right next door to the old bluestone house that got torn down 5 years ago and had 2 two level monstrosities built there. AAAAAARGH. Adelaide……how did I used to love thee?
Teneriffe, QLD
Bulimba, QLD
Green Square, NSW
Pyrmont, NSW
Mind you, it’s a special kind of bogan – the sideburned salesman spiv kind of bogan, with lime green ties, an entry-level Lexus or BMW on lease, and a “money talks and bullsh!t walks” attitude.
Hmmmm….now that I think about those suggestions I can see the light. Although Green Square still seems to be abandoned car yards, factories, and South Sydney Hospital. Teneriffe will always hold a place dear to my heart, where you can visit someone who wants to live close to The Valley, New Farm and the city without the amenities they provide. Just so you can listen to them bitch about how there’s no parking anywhere.
I’m pretty sure in both locales the influx of rate and tuition paying Asian students is to blame though.
@ urban
is this a new sub-species of Bogan?
Indeed, Pinky. Bag O’ Turnips and I discussed this a few weeks ago.
If I recall correctly, it was BO’T who came up with the idea of the “inner city bogan”, a kind of bogan addicted to wheeling and dealing and property investment and who desires the status that comes from living in the inner city. I had always thought that they were just smarmy yuppie gits with wanky sideburns that were too precisely edged, but it took Turnips for me to see the light.
And Reparty, Teneriffe is just … terrible. It’s not that it’s badly planned, and I love the adaptive re-use of the old wool stores, but the whole vibe of the place is just … terrible. It’s the kind of place where wankers with far too much gel in their hair drive red Alfa Romeos and boast in the cafes about how much money they “pull in” so that the equally shallow female inner-city boguette will be impressed.
Green Square (and indeed the whole of South Sydney) is starting to change, ever since they built the Airport Line and the Redfern-Waterloo Authority was given carte blanche to do as they please (i.e. turn over tough but decent mixed-use working-class neighbourhoods to the development lobby). The old Dept of Defence naval stores, the Leyland factory, parts of the Eveleigh railway workshops, etc. are being replaced with the same oddly-angled glass-and-concrete overpriced holes you find in all the Saturday papers.
Myself I blame this new form of bogan squarely on the shoulders of Channel 7. The repeated (and may I add, absolutely fantastic) episodes of Minder on Saturday nights have created Arthur Daleys and Del Boy Trotters without the charm.
Ah, Only Fools and Horses… truly, Del is the Spiv’s spiv.
well channel 7 now has some studios at eveleigh/redfern, in one of those hideous box-shaped buildings so they’re leading from the front.
Hi urbanreverie, been busy stockpiling my acorns, as it were, during the holidays from uni.
In Perth, there are several clean-sheet redevelopments on brownfield sites in particular where NaBs lay their trilbies and park their BMWs: East Perth, which is built atop a former gasworks site and full of Neo-Georgian townhouses straight out of (apologies to) Legoland and utterly ill-suited for our sunnier clime; the newer developments of Subiaco, of which itself was the first gentrified area over three decades ago, where on old industrial land Tuscanstrosities vie with hash-jobs of Modernist style for accommodations; Northbridge, where all those apartments have been built over the freeway tunnel, where which once lived migrants and students in (long razed along its easement) run-down modest turn-of-the century semi-detatcheds; and at the Burswood Peninsular, where a couple of modern nondescript apartment towers, of which wouldn’t look out of place in Jakarta or Shanghai, are pitched to that one-and-same audience as luxury residences and all but an inebriated stagger to Packer’s Palace (Burswood Casino).
With exception to the first area, where the only nightlife were derroes milling around Wellington Square and now pretty much devoid of anything after dark, these new developments (employing the selfsame spivs who’ll invariably call these areas home after flogging the other units), they are often sufficiently distant from those elements that were the raison d’être why all the cool people tended to gravitate to those areas, hoping for that patina of cool to transfer to them, whilst not being quite immediately upstairs from the action. As for Burswood, well, there was no urban action before, as it is built upon the site of a rubbish tip and cement works, on the other side of the river from the old East Perth gasworks and powerhouse (of which the latter is still standing, but has yet to be redeveloped into something purposeful).
I really hate the gentrification of inner suburbs across australia. All it has invited are CUB with a need for property investments to flood these areas with poorly and cheaply built shoeboxes thus they can buy at cheap and rent out to silly bogues who feel the need to live in the city. They bring with them there bogan loud ways or most of them think they need to turn into some yuppie meets bogan.
So many innercity suburbs that were cultural, creative and community hubs have been destroyed by dodgy councils bending over allowing dodgy developers to flood these areas with high density badly built shoe boxes.
I cannot believe how much Melbournes innercity has changed in so little time..i hate the change..and one of the reasons why i left Sydney.
Whats fucking worse is when they turn around and whine about the noise of the trendy Pub down the road is making!
ABC’s ‘Love Is A Four Letter Word’ said it best, they all move into to the inner city because they want to be Sarah Jessica Parker from Sex In The City. And then whine about everything that makes the Inner City the Inner City…
Agreed. Only Green Square is no doubt full of Bogues who work in the transport industry (trust me, I’ve worked in the sector for a number of years, the industry is chock-full of Bogans of both stripes).
I’m sure you’re right about Pyrmont too, being full of spivs and shills.
green square is full of absolutely nothing – completely barren wasteland.
True, at the moment… but weren’t the developers turned loose on the place, or has nothing happened yet? Since I don’t go anywhere near there anymore, I wouldn’t have a clue.
last time i went through there it was still just a couple of major roads and some light industrial yards. i live on the train line that goes through green square, and not that many people get on or off there. it may be getting a bit more developed, but there’s still not a lot.
I wonder why people don’t use the Airport line, pb? I used it once, and frankly, an extra $4.00 to go from Mascot to Central… truly, anything Macquarie gets involved in is a screw-job for the man on the street.
Hey, is the Police impound yard still there? There used to be all sorts of interesting things in there, along with all the noisy machines confiscated from naughty Bogues.
Pyrmont too?
eek!
😦
Hmmm…sounds like real estate agents to me…
Oh, and for those with an iphone, I seriously suggest you get the Radio 5.0 app and listen to the Queensland Police feed, brodcast direct from Logan and Redcliffe. Count the number of times you shake your head on a Thursday night.
Sydney’s BEST nights out!
Thursdays: CRUISE 69
3hr cruise on Sydney Harbour – DJs, dance floors, & drinks!
$30
Saturdays: ROUTE 69 Party Bus Pub Crawl
Transport to and a drink at each bar!
$40
02 8307 0593
http://www.route69.org/
That looks exactly like my idea of hell, Melissa. But thanks for sharing.
LOL. Route 69? But what if there’s less than 69 people on the bus?
Oh wow, I didn’t even get the route/root bit. I was already impressed by the brilliance of using the number 69 in the business name (Bogan Marketing 101: doing so increases profits by 69%).
But that just makes it all the more awesome.
I still think donkeypunchRus.net would have been better. Or maybe pukeonmytits.com.
In CUB Central, there exists a bar called Devilles Pad, which has a telephone number of 9225 6669, of which I happened upon when listening to some commercial station at work: I think that the too-clever-by-half juxtaposition of both triple-6 and 69 within the last four digits of their contact number would be bogan baiting at its best, by both invoking Satanic imagery and throwing in the number which Miss Piggy cannot say, due to her having a frog in her throat (I know, pissweak ol’ joke there).
Funny how the bogan lurves the idea of being risque in its dilettante steps treading those devilish dares; despite this flirtation with danger, they are, as we know, rather moralistic and that they are more evil in their mendacity and mediocrity, than attempting to appropriate the glam of Saaaay-tan!, while pulling the Rocker! symbol with their hand.
Speaking of matters infernal, time to watch Media Watch…
If there is no 69 you can always resort to The Stranger.
There would need to be 70 people on the bus, would there not?
That would be “fewer than 69”. Obviously your higher degree in the classics skipped over English grammar. LOL.
Claire,
Maybe you too missed grammer? Style would perhaps have been a critism, though not one ,in the circumstance , that I would have made
Hey, an Ed Hardy bus!
A party hardy bus.
route 69, you’re just too subtle for us melissa. Try the Summer Nats forum or something.
Actually Melissa, I’m interested to know which bars the bus stops at.
Not to be picky Melissa, but BEST is inherently singular ie there can only be one BEST, so to call it BEST nights out is just wrong. Try ‘bestest noight out eh’, or ‘It’s the shit’, or… well that’s enough free marketing for you I think.
Or ‘It’s the schizzle…’
Ahh, the party bus. Coming a close second in Syders is the party boat. A memorable Doug Anthony Allstars gig at a wharf theatre one night had us dragged out by the lads on to the wharf as a party boat was cruising in with the disco inferno turned up to 11. On the count of 3 everyone… ‘F&%K off Captain Cook’… something like 200 people yelling at the non-plussed hens was a beautiful thing.
We live not far from where the boats dock to let off the Charlenes and every FRi/Sat night the side road is full of parked lads from the western suburbs hoping to pick up a drunken shag for the night. Bogan biology 101.
I’ve not seen a party bus in Brisbane, but we have ‘The Island’.
Behold: http://www.theisland.net.au/
We get the stealth treatment in Sydney. With Hardy’s wine none-the-less.
http://www.stealthcruises.com.au/
Yep, Brissy has an equivalent of that as well. Wildboys Afloat. *shudder*
http://www.wildboysafloat.com.au/main.html
Some sensible advice from the good folk at stealth.
Tip 6. Be sure someone is responsible during the evening to make sure all ladies are well hydrated with H2O, no one likes holding anyone’s hair back in public places!
http://www.stealthcruises.com.au/party-tips.html
Tip 7. Make sure your party girl is dressed for her occasion – hen’s tiara and veil, and make sure she feels a little naughty and definitely sexy – have you included her MUST-DO list for tonight?
Who ARE these people? What’s a MUST-DO list? Get shitfaced and blow at least on of the strippers?
Does she need to remember her undies or is it assumed they go Britney style?
Number 10 is a corker…hahahah
10. Always remember you can’t always please everyone but know that they will all have a great time as long as there are hot men, dancing and tiddly champagne flowing.
@Chairman
Thank you so much. This is too funny.
gah at tip 8! ensure not insure! although, i guess humiliating pictures can be insurance of a sort.
Brisbane also has Sisil’s… I see their red buses all the time.
http://www.sisilsbuslines.com.au/page/party_bus.html
(“Bold Hills?” I thought it was Bald Hills.)
That Bold Hills group would have been a tough gig for the sizzles driver… a gunt load of wee stops there for sure. Sadly no alcohol involved.
I’ve booked a Sisil’s bus before. Met the man myself. I didn’t realise that he did the party bus thing, though. He wouldn’t let us drink on the bus, so I was under the impression he was a bit of a party pooper!
There appears to be a vast knowledge of available cruisers on this forum, I’m confused/shocked/impressed at the research undertaken by my fellow forumites.
Some people here are very dedicated in their research, either that or they are recovering bogans.
Recovering from a weekend party cruise by the sound of it.
I have not been on a cruise since I lived in Perth where I was lucky enough to do several for work shows (Christmas etc). Maybe I should buy Popeye and set up in business?
Only to stoop to filling Popeye with bogans, blowing it up via remote control, and claim the resulting mayhem on insurance…not that I advocate incinerating bogans normally.
False insurance claims…how bogan of me! I’ve outed myself once again. *crushed can of West End Export on forehead*
I was just looking to hoover thier wallets dry but if you think mass genocide is the way to go………………. I’m in.
Maybe a more astute purchase would be the steamboat featured in the background on West End commercials…it could hold more bogans, and is already in situ to maXXimise the bang for your bogan.
Simon,
Beware . I put in a satirical post on the benifits of eugenics last week and had howls of indignation from the right for life types.
They wouldn’t know reality if it bit them on the bum.
That’s my job, according to Simon. 😀
Bogue has been away. He probably does not know of your talents Sten.
All good, Simon and Bogue.
True, I’ve been *gasp* busy working! I’ve missed Sten’s musings over the last few months.
Whereas I haven’t, Bogue. Redundancy is still treating me well, but I suppose I’d better get back to work if I want to save any of my hard-earned.
Bogue – Sun Tzu … know your enemy.
Correct…excellent Miaowism.
To know your Enemy, you must become your Enemy.
Pretend inferiority and encourage his arrogance.
If your opponent is of choleric temperament, seek to irritate him.
If ignorant both of your enemy and yourself, you are certain to be in peril.
It is only the enlightened ruler and the wise general who will use the highest intelligence of the army for the purposes of spying, and thereby they achieve great results.
All these will be helpfull.
…well, all these, and a pink stretch Hummer.
A pink stretch hummer with four roo lights mounted on the 3″ chrome roll bar and more whip aerials then a prawn trawler
Maybe two or three pig dogs in the boot. ?
JH,
No need to mention boguettes in that way.
Simon,
Thanks for that now I know why they have their tails docked !
Not to mention angry if you are putting them in the boot.
Simon,
Hey they are getting off light. We could be putting the boot in or is it sinking the slipper ?
@ Si
BAHAHAHAHAHA….
Well that’s us fucked then.
I always feel I have to fake inferiority whenever I go to my bottlo. There’s something about a lot of the bogans who work at bottlos that make them feel that they’re above what they are. Even though they’re just a combination of a checkout chick and a shelf filler. Lots of use of the word “mate” occurs from both customer and bottlo worker. It’s like some sort of sacred ritual, the purchasing of the mass produced beer. The statement that says “I too am bogan” “I drink beer”.
I wonder if Sun Tzu knew about bogans in the 6th Century BC and was warning us. Monk Bogans = Mogans or Bonks.
@ Si
**Round of applause**
Sankyou.
Bogans and Mongols share many Traits, they come from the west (if you are Chinese) and tend to trash the joint and nick anything that isn’t nailed down…
@ Marty
They are the Gatekeeper to the Bogan Amber.
I purchased a 6 pack of James Squire from my local bottle-o a few years ago, and was presented with a complimentary glass I could “take home to ya boyfriend”. He being a bogan, me being a male, I assumed the glass was complimentary, but the ‘friendly’ store-keep was not. A top effort nonetheless.
Well obviously Bogue you are a poof. Not only were you buying designer beer but only a 6 pack. This is not allowed.
i’ve been using ‘mate’ and ‘no worries’ since i landed here. they seem to placate everyone
Well, I’m not even going to bother with the assertion that drinking beer makes on a bogan, or that beer is something predominately bogans like. Bogans clearly prefer UDLs.
Further, even the type of beer one buys doesn’t say anything meaningful about the purchaser. I drank a lot of tooheys red and vb when I was younger, not because I was a bogan but because I was a uni student and hence fairly broke.
I didn’t mean to imply that devil’s advocate. I drink beer too. I still hate wine. Wine sucks. Wine *is* for poofs. Haha.
Oh and James Squire sucks. Rough as guts beer for twice the price. Redback is the shit. Well it’s better.
Cue beer war.
*glass* re wine comment. Beer and wine both have a place in my life depending on mood and temperature. Yes Redback sucks.
Martin,
Arguing about which beer is best is like arguing about which football team is best. It is both futile and very bogan.
Rugby League also sucks JH.
Beer good. Footy bad.
Beer good, footy good, both in unison heaven.
Simon,
absolutely does keep the casualty department full at the weekends.
goes close to taking the blood mug award from road accidents and glassings
In the bogan mind, da, I would imagine that those Woodstock bourbon and cola cans would come before UDLs. Not only does Woodstock and cola come in massive cans, it also provides an excuse for them to “crack a woody”.
Bogans do drink their beer in a special way. Long necks is one such way. I was once in a bottlo and overheard One boggan say to another, “Lets have a long neck[party, we have done that for a while!”
God save DAAS…
I have had the misfortune to get suckered into driving one of these party busses on a number of aoccasions to help a mate out . He had the bus and the booking but on the day no driver. I’m sooooo over it.
wether there are twenty or fourty on the bus there are always at least half a dozen ass holes. guys or gals about the same.
They start the trip at least half shot , they bring enough booze in eskys to start a Dan Murphy’s. then Karoke machine up to maximum volume and the pub crawl starts. at each pub stop the difficulty of getting every one back from the bar,the pokies, the Tab becomes progressively worse.Then the toilet stops always urgent and often as the night progresses barley moments after starting off again. Then the panic barf stop. If the driver cannot stop a 12 tonne bus immediately any where, like in the middle of a round about or freeway then they throw up in the bus and then the driver is to blame.Never the bogan who has consummed Maxtreem amounts of beer and coyboy chasers. One of the “people having fun” goes into an achohol coma all their friends become agro as we wait for the ambulance to come take them off for emergency detox.
The evening is topped off by the drop offs around the streets of bogan suburbia. Directed by people who cannot remember their own name yet all want to give conflicting directions to the next persons home.
The participants say”its a party bus , we can do whatever we want” and they do, with a vengence.
Ugh… sounds like hell on earth, James.
The Melbourne CBD and South Yarra areas are awash with these things. Anyone know how they’re licensed to drive around with such a setup?
These things are still going?
I had to endure a night on one more than 20 years ago. I had blocked it from my mind until now. Might have to stop reading TBL now otherwise I might start needing therapy to forget again.
I suppose the same host is still going strong and even more supra-bogan than the young upstarts on opposition buses.
“young upstarts on opposition busses”
Would that be Fony Rabbit on the federal Opposition Party Bus ?
Hi TBL
It’s a bit nit-picky… only because I wouldn’t want our collective knowledge to stoop below that of a bogue ripped on last years designer drug(s)
Buseus Boganicus is the incorrect terminlogy
The rules for binomial romenclature indicate the text should be in italic font, and should be written as ‘Buseus boganicus’ (note the lower case for boganicus)
Where more than one species apperars in a report, you can abbreviate the names – in this case B. boganicus (again in italic font)
last year’s designer etc. Just to pick nits.
@ Miaow
Very clever, me likes!
All those meth scabs…
Boort,
The Corsa Rodentus is too much for me. Where are my pants I want to go home.
I suppose if from the Islands it would be Corsica Rodentus ?
It appears you’re moving forward..,
Long ago The “Sydney By Night” bus stopped at Rouges.
I wholeheartedly endorse this TBL entry. I was aware of the existence of these buses but this entry, and subsequent user-posts, has given me what I feel is a reasonable grounding in the subject matter and, furthermore, sufficient understanding to be able to recognise and avoid them.
It’s developing my life skills, and really that’s what TBL is all about.
“The bogan does not like public transport. It will, whenever possible, burn the maximum amount of fossil fuels it can in order to get from A to B, occasionally via L.”
Best opening ever!!!
I’m still laughing…tee hee
Have you fallen off your chair again Pinky?
@ William
Maybe. HAHAHAHA
Welcome back dude. 🙂
Sad but true, Pinky. I actually have friends who are proud to say they’re too lazy to walk more than 200 metres to buy a bottle of milk.
@ Sten
Outrageous.
Too right… it’s as if some of them see fuel consumption as some kind of measure of success.
Sad, sad, sad.
Hi Pinky, been offline a while…had several night shifts to rake in some much-needed holiday income. The vagaries of mature-aged student life.
Funny how the newer mutations of bogue wouldn’t been seen on a bus, unless it is a tired ex-Transperth Mercedes-Benz with over 1.5 million kilometres (nearly a million miles over 20 years before decommissioning thing them) on the clock, warmed over with a lairy lick of paint, coloured lights and a fu¢k-off sound system that will render them with tinnitus two decades hence.
These venerable vehicles are better suited as baravans, which is a portmanteau of bus and caravan, to perform a lap of National Highway 1, rather than being defiled in the long march towards the end of their service lives as chunderbuses for bogans on a spree. I was fond of the old green-liveried Mercedes O305s, which were built for Transperth between 1975 and 1986, with the last ones just retired from active service…some were in operation for 27, due the previous state Wiberwal wallies not acquiring new ones in the mid-90s for about five years.
Sorry, got all bus-spotter like on you all 😮
Watching bogan chick pretend to pole dance on a bus is one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.
The last grape grazing I went to, someone brought along their CUB sister. She was only young and had just move to the “city” (Ringwood, Vic) from some country town on the boarder of Vic and SA. She was a hairdresser and was making a fortune cutting other young CUB’s hair in the latest and groovy style.
Well she got sh!t-faced in the first five minutes of the bus trip. Then it happened, one of the best “bogan in it natural habitat” sightings ever.
She proceeded to gyrate around the bus. This bus was one of those old school double Decker buses so on the bottom level there were “poles”.
Anyhoo, She’s swaying ever so seductively in the breeze out of time with the Armin Van Buuren chill out CD. Some of the male grape grazers had caught the young Femme-bogues eye and she grabbed the pole in front of one of the lads and climbed up it. With a look of horror and not knowing whether to laugh or scream and unable to get away, the young man watched as she performed her mating dance and slid down the pole “mini skirt” at waist and G-string for all to see. She wraped one dimpled leg around the pole and slid down making the ever so seductive ‘skin sliding on metal’ sound and went crashing to the floor.
The young man at the centre of the attention just happened to be my boyfriend at the time. He looked over at me as I was killing myself laughing.
It was 10am. And the day only got better.
arf, arf. ‘skin sliding on metal’ is a aural imagery that I didn’t need but it gets across the numbing horror of the moment. Douglas Adams had the right idea about hairdressers.
I once sat next to a pole dancer on a plane to LA. Well, she called herself a professional and exotic dancer and she was en route to Paris to try out for the knickers-n-kicks theatre (what the hell is the name of that place??).
I’d looked up as she was shuffling into the seat and I’d just stared at the huge boobs in front of me with cleavage you could drive a truck down. I must have looked stunned because her first words were ‘They’re real’, with a proud giggle. 12 hours. Could have been worse I suppose.
miaow, it’s the moulin rouge, but i think knickers-n-kicks is a much better name and plan to use it from now on.
Of course! Lousy movie. Ms Kidman just does not do it for me at all. Sexual attraction is such an inexplicable thing.
Ringworm is known for its exotic wildlife Pinky i should know having worked at a few of its finer drinking holes.On the subject of pole dancing,i was walking past the “School of Pole Dance” opposite Ringwood station the other week on my way too catch an evening train,when a quite well put together woman,actually girl asconded from the premises almost bowling me over in the process.While getting my thoughts together i innocently followed her fleet-footed progress across the street with my one good eye;only too be shaken out of my semi delirium by two equally young “students of pole” (not as robust as the first poley-more clock face than hour glass) who greeted me with the words-“whaa tha faarck you lookin at ya faarkin dipshit why dont ya faarck off”.Well i tell you usually i would hang my head and shuffle off like a scared little-un,but i thought too myself,”this is a TBL moment and i replied “faarck-off ya scrag or ill glass ya” True story(except maybe for the last bit-i just started speed walking for my train!)
@ Brad
**Round of Applause**
HAHAHAHA
I love the made up bit 😉
@ Brad
RE: Ringers
This chick had me in stitches all day. She was trying so hard to have a crack at my boyfriend! Too much. I remember asking him why he wasn’t interested in such a deluxe catch? I tried not to wind him up too much as his friends were doing that for me
She also was drinking Cardy from the bottle, which you know is always Klassy. She wasn’t an ugly girl, she just had layer upon layer of maxxtreme make up. I was curious as too how she was going to remove it all. The hair extensions were positively hideous and while she wasn’t a big girl, you know she wasn’t small either but dressed like she was a size 6. The skirt around the waist was a highlight, the fact that she was wearing a g-string a very very lowlight.
Good laugh though.
Better to run away from the bogue banshee’s they hunt in packs and no single non-bogan would be able to fight against them
She would be-cry “Youse wanna daaance wif me?” and I would be in stictches as the poor love had to try and politely say no.
Im sure she had a great time-“the grape grazin shit was okay,but geez talk about a bunch of straighties on the bus,ay least i got me a free wine glass and leather thingy pouch too go with it”.Scarey shit ,i once went on a tour one year and a guy broke his leg falling down the platform stairs at the toilets-didnt know he,d broken his leg till the next day of course,just kept plying reds and whites like they were free beers at the footy club happy hour.Gotta love Ringers Pinky ha ha.
They hunt in packs but head butt singly.
http://www.e-mancipate.net/tribal-tattoo-printed-pantyhose-for-men
*Speechless*
They are recommended to be worn in every day life. It even specifies the office. Umm, yeah.
I wonder if James not H would like a pair to wear to his lectures?
It even tells you how to put them on. With video. Mantyhose indeed.
I especially like the look on the model’s face here:
http://www.e-mancipate.net/-exclusive-for-e-mancipatenet/130-going-out-in-mantyhose
‘I’ve just shat myself and feel another explosive burst about to erupt’
I would rather wear a Che Guevara t-shirt, Simon.
I think the Che shirt and mantyhose would go together fabulously.
Perhaps with a fetching red and white keffiyeh…
And no pants. Hawt.
Would you be more comfortable if we add leather patches to the mantyhose J n H?
Those models must have been hard up for a crust. I think I would resort to porn before this.
i think most sane people would resort to being in a snuff film before this.
Proof that there is no god. HAHAHAHA
I agree Pinky. I think I’m going to have to renounce by agnosticism and become a fully fledged atheist. Open mindedness and tolerance just isn’t cutting it for me. It’s clearly just being abused by the world at large. There’s just no excuse for mantyhose! Or Ed Hardy, which these mantyhose seem to be some sort of derivative of.
@ Marty
Atheists are more altruistic/tolerant/open minded than any religitard based organisation.
These people need to be put in a padded room.
Funny, I always held the notion that Latte is Bogue-friendly, but ONLY if said beverage was purchased at Starbucks or, possibly worse, Gloria Jeans.
I couldn’t picture old-schoolers drinking it though.
This was the funniest entry for a while. The vengabus and driving A to B via L were LOL-worthy.
i was a little unhappy with the reference to the song-that-shall-not-be-named because i fear i’ll need therapy to rid myself of the memory of it again, but the rest of the entry made up for that.
Off topic but a prime example of a brogan
The Age Odd Spot:
Thursday June 24, 2010
“Unable to open the door after flipping his car while drink-driving, New Zealander Paul Sneddon opened another beer as he waited to be rescued because “he had nothing else to do”. “
Well spotted! Must say I missed that one…if the NZ coppers weren’t so ripped they would also have noticed he had smoked several splifs…whilst hanging there…upside down…waiting for help…suckin back a ‘broski’…
He flipped the fully sicknthat hsv (bro eh?) because his massive can obstructed the steering wheel…couldn’t quite complete the turn…what with smokin a spliff, eating a man size burger (with at least two massive patties…and bacon), texting, answering a call, photographing himself and adjusting the smooth choons on his maxxstreem sound system by remote control…
@ Westurbia
HAHAHAHAHAHA
I had similar visions in my head while laughing! HAHAHA Oh just priceless.
I realise I’ve arrived late to this one, but I know these people!!!!
(a) burn the maximum amount of fossil fuels it can in order to get from A to B
(b) wouldn’t be seen dead on public transport
(c) living less than five minutes walk from almost every necessary service, the bogan will drive three minutes to the … (insert shop, gym etc)
oh, the pain of it all ….
I had one of these party buses on my bucks night, imbescile bogan mate thought he’d be smart and pair us up with a hens night (on the same bus) to ‘save money’. Fucking hedonistic horse bangin’ skanks decided to lose all their inhibitions and were flashing their soupy tits at as many cretonish on-lookers as possible. Thank fuck I couldn’t remember anything and there were no incriminating photos.
“Fucking hedonistic horse bangin’ skanks decided to lose all their inhibitions”
You obviously don’t get out much. That is the way young women are these days. They behave like that all the time! It is also the reason my 17 year old son already prefers young ladies who come from cultures where the girls are brought up better.
Wouldn’t “Party Bus” in Latin be “Pulor Omnibus”?
Have you seen some of the people on public transport…… Dirty smelly unwashed 😮
Where is the EEK idon
Not me Personally but my mum has and it was horrible.She even sometimes encounters them at either the Wine shop or the Supermarket to the point she wants to quickly get served and out of there in a hurry.
I mean icon
Fuknslapperbusses-vomiting sluts screaming and screeching at anyone etc etc – it’s digraceful bullshit and a good reason for bogan selective IEDs – I cringe upon having the misfortune to cone within 500m of these horror mobiles – I sincerly hope the driver is on $750K or more.
They are only one step down from the hummer limos in my books. Hummer limos for wedding, funerals, formals – you name it! I cannot think of anything more bogan than hiring a hummer limo for a funeral – the height of bad taste and disrespect. Oh, that’s right, Roberta Williams rode in one to Carl’s funeral – nuff said!
I am not a fan of them.great though if you have an entourage and want a lot of place to go.
I have been on one of these in Cairns some years ago They take you to all these party clubs every weekend.A ball of fun if you ask me.No I am not Bogue I just like a good time.