Early one Sunday morning, a bleary-eyed bogan named Michelle drags herself out of bed half an hour after her husband has dragged their recalcitrant shit Zakary to soccer training. Shuffling discontentedly towards the basin, tousling her own mousy, oddly-coloured hair, she reaches for the tap and turns. Nothing. Bemused, she turns to the shower and tries there; again, no response. The water’s off. She has no clue what to do, and no husband to pretend that he knows what he’s doing while looking at the gas meter. Following this train of thought, she suddenly brightens up conspicuously.
Rifling through the yellow pages, she finds the local plumber, ‘Bigg and Gunn – We Service Your Pipes’, calls, and is thrilled to discover that they had a cancellation and they can send round one of their plumbers in a hour. Hanging up the phone, she goes to the bathroom, applies copious amounts of makeup, fixes her hair, then sits back on the couch, eyes blissfully shut, dreaming of the potential ravishing she could have in store when the hot tradie arrives.
Not long afterwards, there is a knock at the door. With a final once-over in front of the mirror, ensuring her dressing gown is sufficiently undone to expose enough décolletage, Michelle is confronted by a fragrant, corpulent gent named Russell who offers to clean her pipes with just a hint of a gleam in his eye. She doesn’t get the joke.
Like a young Jedi, the female bogan is mistaken about a great many things, but few so fervently and incorrectly as the idea that tradesmen are hot. With the trashmedia promulgating the idea that men who spend their days in a permanent hunch, working extremely hard to charge the equivalent of $4,000,000 an hour with which they can buy high-calorie foods, liquor and durries somehow manage to fit in an elite-athlete exercise regimen, the bogan female sees no reason to believe that Russell should not look like that werewolf kid from Twilight.
Even after this experience, the bogan just KNOWS that tradies are hot. These are men who work with their hands, and spend all day in manual labour that undoubtedly builds muscle mass and increases general attractiveness. That night, the bogan opens the local News Limited tabloid, to see an article on ‘Tradies for the Ladies’, and sighs.
Things Bogans Like 
But those dudes on the climate smart ad are smoking hot! Are you suggesting that they are not real tradies?
LOL. Ew, men who work with their hands for a (meagre) living. Gross.
Meagre? Please. That’s something we as a society need to change asap by importing lots of Indian tradies. Get a whole heap of them from Dubai where they are being treated like dirt.
LOL. Maybe I could get some over to help me build a new bridge across the lake? Hmm, then again, maybe not.
I guess none of the other trolls are willing to let Fiona sleep under their bridges, so she needs a special one built for herself.
I guess no matter how low a bogue is on the social ladder, they can always have aspirations.
LOL. Your stalking of me is rather creepy. But expected.
You type ‘LOL.’ far too much to be of any importance to anyone, anywhere.
Get back to dreaming you don’t live in an apartment by a dirty river where the homeless go to wash.
Lol
Importing Indian Tradies from Dubai…I can see the bogan outrage stories on ACA now!!
India has produced some good looking men, like my partner
Oh my golly gosh.
And myself. (Well, Fiji lending a helping hand).
Yes, I’m aware I have a giant ego.
Fiona, you can keep your flabby pen pushers with their saggy guts & soft dimpled bottoms. I’d prefer a hard bodied tradie anyday.
LOL. Of course you do… Michelle.
I’m just not attracted to wrinkly, wealthy old codgers without a muscle in their body… (eg: Geoffrey Edelsten) unlike you Fiona.
I push paper, not a wrinkle on me.
Allows me to keep up a strict skin care regime without excess exposure to the sun and such.
Homo
you called?
I did say I blamed The Village People in my comments further down, so yes I guess you could say I did call.
Yes but the village people only had one Tradie, the construction worker (the others were a Native American, a Cop, Cowboy and disco queen).
I personally would be looking at Mike and the Mechanics if I were looking to blame a pop group.
You go girl.
right on sister!
Uh, no you didn’t!
Mmmmm hmmmmm. Ohhh yes she did. And then she tell yo momma bout it right after she remove her rubber gloved fist….
Uhhh huhhh, her momma get 2 feet growin her titties, bitch fell over and kept runnin.
Daaaaaaamm, Yo momma kept runnin coz she had to had ta ho to buy some blo. On her back to get some crack fo’shizzzzzle.
Hey, how do you know she smokes crack…
lucky guess.
Lucky guess indeed. Your mum’s always ’round here on her back for crack, she didn’t mention to me that you knew about it though. I’ve told her communication my dear, that’s how Viv ended up like you did, no communication, i.e. that doesn’t go in there, gerbils are pets not fuck buddy’s, Jason Akermanis is right, bike’s are meant to have seats etc. It’s the little details that she misses but hey, that’s what happens when you take a shot in the mouth for some rock eh Viv.
There is alot we could blame Mike and his mechanics for Viv.
Fark me, that’s so witty.
Above comment is for Benny Hill, not Simon GaA.
I dunno, I reckon Simon’s comment was pretty witty.
Simon, she didn’t rate it.
I take it as a given Viv likes my comments. He is a man of good taste and disernment.
LOL. It’s because you (of course) have no real knowledge of anyone other than a “tradie”.
I have known plenty of fat old white collar workers, similar to the one’s you attract & I have also known a few hot tradies. :o)
My name is not Michelle & isn’t Fiona the biggest bogan name around? Right up there with Tracey & Sharon. Tsk Tsk! Was your dad
a dumb old tradie FIONA?
Preach! I’m a lawyer and my husbands an electrician, 10 years together and I’d still prefer a real working tradesmen to any of the suits in my office. Certain women (*hem hem* Fiona), need to stop being snobs and actually get out there and meet a tradie.
Ew, aspirational females with a gunt and delusions of granduer. Gross.
You’d think that someone who pretends to have a degree in, of all things, the arts, would have more sympathy for people with no tertiary education, but clearly not.
LOL. It’s not pretend, it’s a HIGHER degree, it’s in the Classics and duh!
Tradies at least have a marketable skill. A “HIGHER” degree in the “Classics” apparently won’t even enable the graduand to establish a credible facade (via anonymous internet persona) to effectively disguise their status the epitome of the aspirational bogue.
LOL. Fortunately, I don’t have to aspire to anything.
An aspirational bogue that aspires to nothing.
Is it an contradition in terms or a sign of the inherent futility of the bogan consumer-driven culture of consumption?
Once the typical bogue has acquired the 50″ plasma in the grand sitting room, and the motor-finance-wizard-procured SUV in the driveway, it must be really difficult to know where to go.
In Fiona’s case, once one has a really nice cardboard box in which to shelter at one’s “station in life” (I hear Toorak station is frequented by particularly well-heeled passers-by) that’s all one really needs to be happy. Must be liberating, in a sense.
Fiona, you really need your pipes cleaned out!
Great degree, comes in handy when applying to work as a Woolies checkout chick
Hate to tell you Fiona, but they’re making an absolute fortune these days!
The bogan/tradie also hates immigrants but likes them to come here because he’s making a killing out of knocking down houses and sticking up overpriced dogboxes that the immigrants live in so the immigrants can do the jobs that the bogan/tradie is too stupid to do.
Yeah. You can spot them a mile off because their ute has “f**k off, we’re full” stickers on it, instead of “Say YES to refugees”.
See also “property investment” post re: overpriced dogboxes and bogans 🙂
I recently had a house built and not a single one of the tradies was a native australian speaker. Perhaps some of the immigration policies list building trades as one of the high-demand categories or something.
Anyway, I am starting to suspect that the quality of the work is inversely proportional to their ability to speak english. One guy could only communicate through his apprentice but his work was impeccable.
Note I am talking about building and trades here, nothing else.
Total and utter BULLSHIT.
it is just amazing some of the opinions posted on this site Benny, and some of these people claim to be of high intelligence.
We had a huge Croatian painter/handyman who spent the entire time screaming at his tiny emaciated son/apprentice. He even made him squeeze into the crawl space under the floor boards. The kid did a great job.
No doubt, they are used to hiding under floor boards and in their spare time they enjoy throwing chairs at each other. One time at band camp…
what on earth were you painting in the crawl space ?
dungeon for illegitimate children begotten through inbreeding? Oh wait this is Australia, not Austria.
Nevermind.
He was also the handyman for a whole block of defence housing, For some reason we never understood it was necessary to occasionally inspect the crawl space, I think there might have been access to the dodgy wiring job under there.
Nice and early this morning, I like it.
Seems a bit darker in tone today though, did someone have an unfortunate bogue encounter on their mind when they wrote this?
Duuuh. Forgot about daylight savings starting up… no wonder those cows get so confused
Life in these modern times is an unfortunate bogue encounter.
Perhaps the report that the ladies, including the corporate lawyer+lingerie model type, prefer tradies?
The whole post today, apart from the ending, sounds a bit like a lame 60s/70s movie scenario (Confessions of a Window Cleaner etc)
Only in Australia can semi-skilled workers earn so much. Anywhere else in the world they’d be struggling with the rest of the plebs.
LOL. As it should be, too.
I met some exchange students from hong kong, and they revolted at the idea that builders could earn so much.
they are apparently the low of lower classes.
which is why they posses no prestige, and when you give them money, well the rest is written in a 179 post blog.
To be fair if you want a McMansion filled with 52″ plasmas and other “essentials” on higher purchase you’ll have better luck being a tradie than someone with a tertiary education!
I used to know a tradie and he owned several properties around Melbourne. Although to be fair he made most of his money from working with Crystal Tease in the 90’s – early 2000s!
I agree, Fiona of Carlton.
So true – the one time I borrowed a friend’s ute was an incredible eye-opener… every set of traffic lights beheld another car-load of she-bogans winking and licking the glass. If you wanted to be a male slut you don’t need a European sports car you just need a clapped out of Hilux with a CB radio mast and a toolbox on the back.
Or an older Commodore ute will suffice, though the newer, the busier you’ll be casting your line.
Works great as bait for catching fishy pudenda seasoned with herpes and chlamydia, I see.
Bwahahah…. simultaneously laughing and supressing the urge to retch.
BOT,
Speaking from experience?
I did have a yellow Ford Escort panel van as a first car nearly two decades ago.
So while no ute, it did have its own set of connotations and discerning set of fans 😛
Just grateful that I never had either STI, but that was because of my emergent anti-bogan ensuring I was careful!
Meh. Kind of. The closest I’ve been to chlamydia would be the koalas at Cleland and as for involuntary dry retching… well I will insist on clicking on all the TBL links….
eehhh… mean to be a response to JH. I cannot brain today; I have the stupid.
goddamm… can’t spell, can’t click in the right place. i think i’ll sin bin myself for a spell.
The chances of a hot & available tradie knocking on the door are the same as the tradie finding a hot & available customer, fck all your honour.
“one of their plumbers in a hour” – tsk, tsk, tsk.
I think the ‘writers’ have been reading too much Mills & Boon and have had a bad run in with a tradie.
I blame the Village People.
The only problem with this entry is… wouldn’t Michelle’s husband BE a tradie?
LOL. You either mean ex-husband, de facto, friend with benefits or “that guy from the races what knocked her up”.
No, her husband as referred to in the article. Not necessarily her child’s father.
My 1st horrible job out of uni was looking after the miriad of insurances that tradies need just to legally operate these days (if you want to know why they charge $4M/hr, blame the insurance premuims, next to them 52″ plasmas are cheap!) and sometimes used to go around to their homes to do business. I was often surprised at how many very attractive, refined, non-bogan, sweet natured women were married to the biggest, grumpiest, snarling, boganic tradies with bad attitude whom you wished you had never met. You’d think that the women were more the type to go for an accountant over a builder; the old saying ‘opposites attract must be true.
Their houses were also pretty nice too and often made me wonder if I had chosen the wrong profession…nice house and a honey for a wife…wasted my time on a business degree…should have got myself a bad attitue and plumbers apprentiship instead! Nah…..
It’s because these ‘honies for wives’ give out brown wings.
That explains the tradies being attracted to the honey, but it still doesn’t answer the question of what these honies find attactive about the snarling bad attitude bogan tradie.
Easy peasy. Money. They probably have good bodies, and it’s a cultural thing to think of them as the “real” people.
Perhaps they are twisted to the point of liking their #124 a bit rough.
security. The bogette woman or a woman wants nothing but security. Also the woman might be lovely and down to earth when it comes to everyday trivial nonsense..but i can guarantee you 100% engaging this honey in more serious conversations would encourage nothing but blank stares.
Has anyone really come across a tradies wife who is grounded, strong minded and intelligent?
No? I didnt think so.
surely the universe would collapse in on its self if one was found. I knew a tradie once, rough, old school 70’s bogan, DBs, tight black jeans. The most interesting thing I found, he was a Scientologist. Weird.
And I think that some of the women who go for tradies know that many can be easily manipulated, despite their macho posturing: if she wants something frivolous and conspicuous, she’d have a harder time convincing someone who uses the filter of considered reason all the time than the bogan who likes to project an image of being a hard cünt, but will buy that Tiffany & Co. ring if it means that they get their ring in exchange.
Also many women go for the tradie as in addition to the above, they are fast and loose with their money, thus with this and easy manipulation, they are ripe for the picking.
Until the work dries up, and she needs someone to fix the electrics or water and in order to pay the difference that they can’t afford, she gives up a payment in kind. Ergo the possibility the next child is the spawn of the ill-begotten seed as mentioned earlier by Gorey, but because of her attraction of similar men to her husband, he wouldn’t know anyway.
Many of these women weren’t boganic themselves, they were intelligent, uni educated professionals; being absolute honies, I suppose they were the lawyer -cum- lingerie models types TBL refers to.
Maybe they wanted to piss off Daddy for not marrying the investment banker, or maybe they wanted the challenge to ‘tame’ a wild bogue….nah, they just like rough hands and rough #124!
From my hometown of Geelong, possibly THE epicentre of bogan activity in Victoria, these apparently non-bogan affluent and intelligent woman were hooked into relationships with such bogan men during high school when they didnt know any better. I know of some of these girls and they seem to be quite happy with their university degrees and non-bogan jobs while their husbands spend most of their time “working all fucking day then sinking some piss”. I guess there isnt much choice down in Geelong…
You have just about described my life. However, I grew older and realised what an absolute fuckwit I married. If not for my son and valuing the virtues of rasing him with two parents, I would have been long gone. He will be an adult soon and I will finally be free of bogan hubby and in-laws!
XXX
You describe the typical “get married young” syndrome as I call it. Get married before you grow up and repent when you do. It realy is prevalent but more so amongst bogans.
Cheer up. Realisation is the first and hardest step , from now on you will fly.
I often quote Oscar Wilde,in particular”Remember the only person that you have to spend the rest of your life with is yourself”. !!!
ArtieF,
do you know any tradies or tradies wives ?
The rough and tough persona portrayed by the tradie is merely a smoke screen deployed amongst friends. Once home they crumble into little shells and do what the trouble and strife tells them to do. I know I do.
I saw the light. Started working life as an apprentice/ tradesman after leaving school at 15. Could not comprehend doing it for the rest of my life after watching old grumpy tradesmen with health issues from years of lax safety standards.
Gave it up after 12 years for a post grad degree at uni.
My trade was not one needed for house calls though. Fortunately.
Where is can be a disgusting low educated moron who hammers a nail and get rewarded for it? Australia that’s where!
So many people I chat too from foreign places are just gobsmacked at how being dumb in Australia is respected and even encouraged!
Why??????)
Because it’s the land of opportunity and the home of the brave.
Don’t worry. I don’t respect dumb people. I fail them. In fact, I have done it twice today alone.
LOL. Hardly surprising considering the fifth rate institution you earn your meagre living at.
LOL. At which fifth-rate institution does one learn to end a sentence with “at”?
LOL. Creepy stalker’s back… Seriously, I’m not interested in you. You need to accept it.
What about this lonesome soldier???
I know its been a while…
But i’ve stumbled back to visit my fair maiden Fiona…
How my heart has ached…
LOL. Well, you weren’t creepy. You were more the usual stalker type I have to deal with.
Fi, does having stalkers cause you to shudder?
No but it does provide the certainty that one such as FoT craves.
LOL. Shhh, don’t say that word in front of James Hunter!
It does cause him to become disconvovulated.
Shudder… I would have thought that is a normal reaction from orgasmic effects???
Simon,
I am not too sure if it is the having or the stalk that causes the shudder . Maybe with your greater experience you could elucidate ?
Certainly the having JH.
Where is can be a disgusting low educated moron indeed.
Where is can be I laugh….
where is can has cheezburger?
where as …………
a low educated observation me-thinks
Some low educated moron built your house Ark, you twit. What are you? Another accountant loser that has no idea how to change a tyre??
missbiatch, I can tell from your name and your propensity for relying on the comforting surety of hoary old gender cliches (indoor worker = effeminate = TEH EVILZZZZzz oh noes!!!!) that you are a slightly crazy minger who gradated summa cum cum from the School of Hard Knocks and the Real World.
The truth comes from a number of factors. Be they shitful support given to new apprentices over the last five years, a reluctance by established tradies to take on apprentices for fear of increasing their future competition and terrible education policies from the last 15-20 years which are reverberating now, and the creepy middle-class welfare policies put in place by John Howard to target the “battlers” (who have never battled against so few challenges), it is undeniable that there are plenty of people in the trades earning wages which are not commensurate with their ability, work ethic, demands or risk of the job or actual capitalist demand for it.
Bec, I can tell you’ve never been sexually satisfied. Now get back to your pokey office cubicle & computer.
Darling, you are a woman of convenience, obviously, as you have gone straight for the “lolzors u must be frigid!!!!111oneone”, which is what every two-bit consanguous twit with an IQ of 70 does in an interwebs fight. At least the person I get to sleep with isn’t related to me by blood, which is probably more than what I could say for whatever it is you bump uglies with.
As it happens my line of work doesn’t involve an office. You might need to fetch for the fainting couch and smelling salts, as you might just get the vapours at the notion of someone not working outdoors *or* in an office!
Ever notice how BORING a slapper fight is when it’s not visually in front of you?
It’s depressing. You don’t get the smell of West Coast Coolers or front row access to the visible g-strings. Tant pis!
Missb,
accountants are like economists who can not even sharpen their own pencils
Ark,
So where would aspirationals like you live if it were not for the tradies ?
could you build of fit out any part of the serviced flat where you live?
I’ll be having a hearty laugh when there is eventually an oversupply of tradies in Australia. They are so cocky about the money they earn / lifestyle they live.
Go get em tiger.
Hell, I remember when my old man was alive—he died about eight years ago from lung cancer due to a combination of chain-smoking and not wearing a mask to keep out the silica dust—when he was a ceramic floor and wall tiler, of which I too dabbled in at various points (thus being able to confer some direct boganic experience).
Much of the time, as he was a fine tradesman with artisanal ability, he was in great demand, working often six-and-a-half days a week as a self-employed tiler in the housing sector, which unlike the commercial/industrial developments, is virulently anti-union, which explains the macho lasiez-fare contempt for safety practices that cost him his life. Anyway, I digress: he was oftentimes busy, but whenever the cyclical beast known as the housing market fell into a slump, he would be quiet for months with little money coming in.
And given that many self-employed tradies are not likely to create a backstop for themselves in these times (which, as aforementioned, aren’t entirely unpredictable) and spend up big when they make a bomb, no wonder they bitch and moan when its lean. Heck, many don’t even maintain superannuation, expecting the pension to come and rescue them.
ha ha ha ha ha how could there ever be an over supply when there are so many clever people in this country-i mean only un-educated morons are tradies.
I wish i had the ability to switch off and just live a life of complete self serving ignorance. I wish i had the ability to not have any self respect. I wish i had the ability to project my apathy towards trivial things. I wish i had the ability to be seriously dumb.
I would be living in a 4 bedroom McMansion, with the big 4wd, the ute and the classy european shitbox, all parked out the front, while my big fushing boat and other useless tidbits take space in my triple garage.
I would also have a hot wife devoid of any brain activity which serves a purpose. At least i would get a blowie now and then and maybe a threesome in which the rules set by michelle state i can’t touch or even look at the bird who was invited to be part of the love triangle.
I wish i was outright dumb, i would be a king in australia fo sure!
What a pathetic society Australia is.
Been a long time since I last visited this site. One of the reasons I stopped visiting (besides having a life) is because of ignoramuses that do twisted and bitter without a trace of irony and humour. Misplaced envy is a horrible way to live. BTW, you’ll never be King…
oh did my post touch a raw nerve? the truth hurts?
Calling it envy is just an attempt to shut the debate down. We’re on to you and we’re your enemy and we’re going to f#ck your sh1t up no matter how long it takes, even if it’s decades from now and it’s your children that suffer. We shall perpetuate and propagate the fight.
LOL. I think someone’s girlfriend left him for a tradie…
No, I think I hit the nerve: “we’re your enemy”; “fuck your shit up”… Sighhhhhh…. did you guys just start high school this year?
Enough writing – gonna roll a die to see which room in my mcmansion I’ll watch TV (reality programming, of course) before sharing a bed with my hot wife. I’m so over threesomes. It’s good to be king.
‘So over threesomes’
Just as I thought-another porn loving King bogan!
Artie, if you like it so then leave
By the way, where’s that alleged tradie’s fluoro vest?
Nup, he’s an actor alright. Fraud.
They are so proud of wearing the fluro worksafe vests or their tradie suits that they wear them on weekends as a badge of honour.
Or when they mow their lawns.
Or their Collingwood jumpers.
A hot tradie: isn’t that an oxymoron?
Actually, a moron with an oxyacetylene welder is quite close to the truth!
(Sorry folks—couldn’t wait to use the “oxymoron” pun and I found my chance right here today! Boo! Hiss! Boo! Rotten tomato to face…)
…but I’m a tradie and I’m damn hot.
I personally don’t care if bogues like me.
I don’t like them.
anyway. If I’m not mistaken TBL has an anniversary soon-ish.
Just in case we’re in the weeds somewhere, may we take this opportunity to congratulate you all and thank you sincerely for the past year’s entertainment.
off to Berry Springs!
Hello Chubb!
Don’t worry: not all of us hold automatic contempt for all tradies, I having being one myself once upon a time. But sadly, the majority I’ve met are boofheads and that was part of the reason I gave away tiling: I couldn’t abide by the daily regaling of various yobbo exploits, thinly-veiled misogyny and undercurrent of menace that seems to permeate the mainstream of the denizens of the building industry.
No place for gentlemen, unless you can sufficiently detach yourself from all this nonsense and have much that is nurturing to the spirit to look forward to outside of working hours.
I WAS a tradie and my wife WAS hot, damaged goods after a couple of tins. I’m now resigned to paper pushing and paper cuts, bean counting and lying to clients.
Life was much easier when all I had to do was lift heavy things.
So true…
Bah..! We’re all tradies unless we’ve acquired our wealth through shrewd and assiduous inheritance.
LOL. YAY, like me! 🙂
FYI – a wealthy pedestrian tossing some folding cash into your styrofoam cup doesn’t actually count as an “inheritance”, so try to hold the celebrations in check.
AntiPajero was talking about family leaving you money and/or assets.
You’d be surprised how often those two practices overlap.
Fi,
dharling, you had the advantage of decent education as required to choose the appropriate parents.
Eh? What’s so shrewd about being lucky enough to be dropped out of a wealthy woman’s no doubt comestically-altered snatch? Perhaps shrewdness would enter the equation had it been necessary for one to compete with one’s siblings for a bigger slice of the cake…
But what would I know? All I can see is that the wealthy are no better than the rest of us… they just possess more resources and larger egos.
The humour from this joke has escaped from the joke itself into the self-righteous confusement of the posters who don’t get it.
I think there’s something in that for all (the rest) of us.
Oldschool tradies and the immigrants are terrific to work with; thorough, honest, and beautiful quality work. Sadly, the next gen are overpaid and devoid of skill. Thank god I have family in the industry to get good work from.
That is very true and you can apply that to most industries across board. The problem is the over inflated ego of the NAB/CUB which coincides with the generation everyone loves to hate – gen yers.
Most OSB tradies are hard workers who hardly complain (except for when they listen to talk back..something NAB don’t do as they dont play Kings of Leon on 2GB/3AW) and do a honest days work.
I just appreciate the knowledge and respect they have for the design and style of older homes. We just bought a heritage listed worker’s cottage and it’s nice to work with people who don’t just recommend caesarstoning the crap out of everything and making the interior incongruously modern. Whereas, alas, the NAB would tell us we’re wasting our money on something you can only fit *one* plasma screen in.
A few years ago, I was in share accommodation in an old house in an inner/mddle suburb, belonging to a guy of Polish background who was also resident there. As the house had been “renovated” (read: legally vandalised) circa the late ’70s, the owner saw fit to renovate the living room in a more sympathetic manner, using Polish tradesmen. It was a pleasure to see VJ walls and an ornate vent above the door, and all that sheeting sprayed with cottage cheese torn away, to a soundtrack of The Cat Empire instead of Triple M.
Old-school tradies and builders tend to not fall into the category of bogan, given their failure to engage in conspicuous consumption and preference for quality/function over cost/aesthetic. When you see a five year old mobile attached to their belt you’re at least guaranteed that you can get a little more honesty than you might from some dickhead with a Metal Mulisha sticker on his back windscreen.
Yes, because a 5yo mobile phone guarantees honesty, idiot.
No but I’d say that the number of times I’ve observed it leads me to think that there’s strong correlation. You know – like a straw hat in the back windscreen says “old geezer”, and an instantaneous kneejerk to simply reach for a homophobic invective says “stupid fucking deadshit”.
You have zero tact Bec.
comes from reading your posts benny
A lot of ladies ‘comes’ from reading my posts James.
Benny, speaking of ladies coming. Your momma called last night and while we were a nattering I mentioned my wee case of sniffulus. She offered some great advice, she told me “Vivisection chile, ya gotta get laid to get healthy” and you know what said Benny, I said “Why Miss Hill, I do declare, I am inclined to believe you, why, cause you’re the healthiest gal in town”. How she blushed.
Clearly not. Whereas your homophobia is so tactful I can’t help but think that you graduated from the same esteemed finishing and deportment school our Fi attended.
Blow your etiquette advice out your vag, Benny. I reserve my tact for the deserving.
Don’t forget the Ice Break. They use their $4,000,000/hr rate to buy litres of Ice Break.
One positive benefit that the mining boom has had on Perth is that all the Aussie tradies have fucked off up to the mines to work and consequently most of the electricians, plumbers etc around where I live are immigrants, mostly English.
They are so much more pleasant to deal with than the average Australian lout.
Wish there was a bit of that here in Adelaide
I employ Kiwi’s over Poms and that’s saying a FUCKING lot. All of the poms that have worked for me whinge they work too hard for too little money.
in b4 a whole bunch of people don’t read the entry and assume TBL are calling all tradies bogans…
a bit too late i think…
Personally I believe there is the same percentage of racist, obnoxious and unthinking pond scum spread across the vast spectrum of Australian life. I have met lawyers, nurses, carpet layers and gardeners who fit into this category as well as kind and highly intelligent carpenters. Higher education does not immunise a person against the bogan disease.
True dat Mandi, true dat. The biggest bogan’s of all time are police I have found, relative’s are coppers and they carry on fucktards.
A mere Bachelors degree may not, but why would one stop there?
LOL. A mere Bachelors degree is really aptly described as such – “mere”.
It’s worldwide so I wouldn’t get too worked up if I were you. At least our bogans are ‘aspirational’ – as hilarious as the results are.
Visit Ireland or the UK where the traditional working class has been all but been abandoned and a permanent underclass has formed – Chavs, Knackers, Scumbags.
Mandi,
well said, also a higher education does not equate with higher intelligence , good taste or manners
This whole post smacks of Monday night’s episode of Shameless. Still, that makes it no less amusing.
I love Shameless! Best series on TV.
So the post in summary: Michelle was expecting Jake Barton but got Dave Rafter.
I’ve been gone a while, and come back to discover the handslaps flying thicker in here than your average post-Blue Light Disco Year 7 Bitch Slap Fight.
It’s nice to see that being dead hasn’t impaired Benny Hill’s woeful sense of humour in the least.
If you’re suggesting I should be thankful that tradies built my house in the 70’s, then all I can say is: they did a terrible job at it.
My heating malfunctioned during Winter, and instead of someone who knew their trade, I got Napoleon Dynamite, too stupid to realise that he’d spent three hours wiring the heating in to function in reverse, and too suspicious of anyone with an education that he couldn’t be told, before preceding to get into his ute without bothering to reclose up the hole in the roof he’d left.
His boss eventually showed up five days later, too fat to get into the roof himself. His only explanation was “You’d be surprised at the number of dumb c**ts I have working for me”.
Sounds like the boss is a dumb c*nt for employing them in the first place…
i was going to say, if they’re such problems why employ them in the first place?
Maybe this is why women like tradies…
http://www.news.com.au/money/money-matters/lonely-dusty-tradies-on-210000-per-year-on-major-building-projects/story-e6frfmd9-1225935197380
I just came across that article. What a fucken pathetic country australia is. You get paid more being a deadshit who hammers nails than an educator.
210k a year FFS!!!!!! and these days builders just assemble parts that have been prefabricated in some factory. All they have to do is dig holes and then assemble the pieces, piss fucken easy.
Fuck off australia you cesspool of ignoramuses.
If they are getting 200k plus, then good on them, but I always take these reports with a grain of salt.
FIrstly, having had a house built recently, these guys work ridiculous hours, weekends, etc basically anytime the works going they rock up at 6:30 7 and are hard at it. So in my view you’d have to adjust for an hourly rate to give any meaningful comparison.
Also the type of physical requirements of this work (eg tiling etc) I don’t know that they have as many years in the game as, say, a desk worker. Sure if they graduate to foreman or head contractor that’s great but I nearly stuffed my back after tiling my house, can’t see doing it for a living long term.
It’s not clear whether that 200k is the top earner in a boom time, when there’s as much work as they can take on, or whether it’s an unrepresentative outlier.
Finally, it’s not clear whether that figure is for a guy that has tradies working for him, and whether it takes account of the fact that they have to pay fairly ridiculous liability insurance and also have the risk of industrial manslaughter laws etc.
Agree. Treat all of these reports with suspicion. I hear the same reports from mining bogans yet when you look into the hours and conditions their deals aren’t all that good.
In fact, if they did the same amount of hours working for Davo down the road they would probably earn the same dollar. Self-delusion is big in mining camps.
I indeed know what it’s like, having being a tile layer myself for a time, concurring that it is hard work.
Unfortunately, too many self-employed tradies do not have these sorts of fallbacks to rely upon, should misfortune strike, due to a cavalier attitude many possess in regards to OH&S, personal liability, diligent bookkeeping and superannuation, not realising that a good percentage of their large income is to be set aside for these contingencies: some simply marvel at and gloat about the great gross incomes they command and have a false sense of security and grandeur, thus living like kings for a while.
Until of course the shit hits the fan—due either to misfortune or mismanagement—and they find themselves suddenly in a very tight spot with no recourse available to them, realising they cannot have their cake and eat it too. Throw in some self-righteous indignation cultivated through the long hours many plough through and the misguided disdain towards the rest of us PAYE wage or salary earners, they then start to bleat about how hard they have it.
That’s the pain and glory of being your own boss. If they cannot accept those tradeoffs and work with them accordingly, then they have naught but themselves to blame for their predicaments much of the time.
This is what sorts out the hardworking, dedicated craftspeople from the fly-by-night, all-too-easy dilettante hacks that are usually bogans.
are you just taking the piss? or do you actually beleive your own bs?What the hell is an educator? You’re the type of know it all that thinks he could tackle any sought of”deadshit” construction/building task, because you watched some chippy put up a deck in the rain at your mums house.Reminds me of a client i had once(know it all f@#k like you- i think he was an educator) We were tearing up old hardwood floors in his house and they ran beneath walls that had been built over them in a later renovation,so the only way to remove the last 50 ml where the board met the skirting was with a 3″ grinder with a saw blade attached(guard taken off to allow the blade to penetrate the full depth of the board) Avery dangerous little tool in the wrong hands.We had got two thirds of the way through on a Friday and said we’ll see you Monday and left our tools and equipment in the work space for the weekend as they were still living in the house.This guy mentioned that he wouldnt mind tearing the remaining floor boards up over the weekend and i said knock yourself out,your house just be careful and dont even attempt to cut the last 50ml section.He gave me a look of disdain and could tell he thought there was nothing to this job and that i was being condesending towards someone of much higher standing and intelligence.Any way Sunday night his wife rings me and tells me in a shaken voice that we better not come in till Tuesday as her dear hubby was layed up in hospital after having emergency micro-surgery to sew back on three fingers-apparantly chopped them off using a grinder without a guard.He ended up losing two.THATS why we get paid good money f@#kwit.Any embryo can learn a skill or vocation that is all theory and conjecture,but to learn design,construction,safe use of equipment,communication skills and throw in dirty and uncomfortable surrounds and the constant reality of serious injury is not something most people(especially you) could handle.So post something a bit more insightful please.
That just sounds like one guy who f#cked up. Hardly an expansive argument. Of course there does need to be some training when using dangerous tools like circular saws or whatever it is you’re talking about.
Circular saw-well well dont you know your way around a tool shop-its called an apprentiship and it takes four years of training.
For what it’s worth, Brad, I don’t think it’s lesser work. I think it’s demanding work that needs precision, good judgement and the ability to put up with dangerous conditions and materials. I come from a family background that is evenly split between white collar professionals and trades craftsmen and both produced work that was high quality and demanded expertise.
What I do see as a problem is a younger workforce who receive little in the way of good training who nevertheless make too much money for work that is shoddy and dangerous because of the lack of competition. They’re products of their time; few spend time constructing quality dwellings and as such they turn out worth that my grandfather would be ashamed of owning up to. I had some twenty year old with tracks shaved into the side of his head try to quote me $500 just to climb into my ceiling with a caulking gun to patch a roof leak.
The only thing I can do is hire quality workers recommended by people with a bit of nous whenever I need something done. Sadly, this means avoiding the younguns altogether.
Reading the comments annoyed me more than it usually does. There are people complaining about getting an education and not being rewarded for it. Well, an education is the reward.
Most of the good people here would have no idea how incredibly frustrating and embarrassing it is not to be able to follow the conversation. Having to go and google things and words that I don’t know or understand. It sucks. I would happily give up my bogan mining job and the coin for more brain power.
Those who are saying that they wasted their time getting an education may have indeed wasted it. But it’s their own fault. They should have embraced it and used it and be happy with it.
Why do we always whinge about what others have? Why are there penguins shagging on the idiot-box?
I think I’m gonna go have a bex and a little rest.
Unless you’re doing a degree in the classics like Fiona and don’t need to do any real work then I say an education is pretty painful. Doing the hard yards at high school and then 2-6 years of study, then when you get your first job and you’re still a noob and having to spend at least another 2 years until you make adequate money is not much fun.
To compare that to tradies who usually just piss away school, leave in year 10, don’t have to use their brains much, then end up with what seems to be so much more is pretty insulting. Obviously there’s huge shades of grey on both sides but it’s a fair point.
The huge shades of grey bit,kind of makes your point pointless Martin.Also have you ever heard of a thing called an apprentiship?
The levity of the TBL post apart, as an outsider and having a higher degree (for real!) in the sciences, I think one of the nicer parts of my Oztralian experience is that no one cares a bit about the education you have or the nature of your job. Someone up there mentioned Hong Kongers being alarmed at the uneducateds having money here, in fact it is attitudes like that that are despicable in Asia, the idea that any one doing manual labour is somehow inferior and simply acquiring an education should provide you social status and money. I can’t answer for the bogueness and trashiness (or otherwise) of tradies but I do think that you can’t grudge them their pay packet. Should not having an education promptly result in a lowering in income? Plenty of people with higher degrees are as mediocre as tradies so should that be rewarded because they decided to endure an education? Its good to poke fun at bogue pretensions but class snobbery is something else altogether.
I also agree with Mick that you undertake an education for the pleasures of it, not because of its earning potential.
Whoa, sanity and clear reasoning in a blogging post. That can’t possibly last.
p.s. the tradies that are earning the big bucks own their own businesses and can network well. No luck involved: even uni-educated professionals do it.
There seems to be an opinion that us uneducated kiddies are drunk from the ages of 5-17 then we decide we’re a tradie and earn a gazillion bucks a year.
I will admit that I’m as dumb as a box of hammers (Thank you Jill Sobule), so I’ve done the best I can with it. Yes, at the moment I can afford to eat Mongolians. Not Mongolian lamb. Mongolians. This didn’t happen overnight. I’ve done my time twice. I spent years telling my educated friends I couldn’t go away for the weekend because of money. Now it’s my turn and I’m milking it for what I can.
Am I happy? Yes. Content? No. I am quite sure that the plucky little sperm who glassed all of the other sperm on his way to be first to the egg had better things in mind for me. I wish I was smarter. I wish I could do a job that didn’t cause so much disruption in my life. I wish I was better than what I am. Please don’t begrudge me for making the best of life as I can.
These souls I mentioned earlier who were envious of a pay packet heve something that I am far more envious of.
Mick,
Nontheless you are almost certainly much happier then all those with Ba’s that being as common as horse shit have to do a second degree if they want a real job. Also happier and with a clearer conscienc then those “economists” that studied rubbish and spend their lives wreacking economies. Also happier and less liable to a stray glassing then those who entered real estate or banking where they parasitically live off the less fortunate.
I reckon you are well contented and well set.
I don’t much like that ‘real job’ term. It has a snob value ring to it.
But JH, it’s about more than any job. I like coming to TBL not only for the blog itself but for the comments. It’s the ease that people on here have to be insightful,funny and entertaining in such brief offerings that I admire. I wish I had that ability. That’s the thing I’m envious of. People using their education to express themselves in a way that enlightens us as a whole.
Mick,
For what my opinion is worth;I think you are expressing your self very well
Mick, can I second JH and say that your comments are always thoughtful and well considered and often wise. Aren’t life experiences the best kind of education after all?
Buggar, that was all a bit serious and depressing. This one struck a nerve. My apologies.
good on you Mick you put your point across far better than i ever could,i know my rants can be depressing but ijust want people to see that its not what you do that counts but how what you do benefits your fellows.I deplore hacks whether thy be tradies,bankers,used car salesmen,nurses,accountants,whatever and even more i deplore stereotyping(and typing/spelling).
No one would ever dispute that what you do is not real work. I like the term ‘real work’ and ‘real job’. For instance a salesman does not have a real job, a worker does. A product should sell itself.
@ Martin – it’s not grey at all mate, the highly leveraged housing market will pop, the mining industry will fail due to China and the educated will continue to do what they do – look after the weak, the uninformed, the uneducated – YOU.
best comment here – yes, investing in oneself is the greatest reward.
The bizarre thing is that one of the headlines to the right of the article is “Want to earn $200K? Head overseas then”… I’m confused.
damn!
play nice kiddies.
sheesh.
Hmmmm. Despite my general contempt of bogans, living as I do on the bogue belt of the northern suburbs of Melbourne, and just generally being seeped in horrid bogan culture, I nonetheless must beg to differ with the consensus here that most tradies aren’t in fact hot. I know tons and tons of smoking hot tradies. Total bogues, yes, but many of them are very physically attractive. Wouldn’t date one if my life depended on it, but they’re nice to look at when they come to fix stuff at my house. They look so cute and little boyish in their earnestness to impress me. 🙂 It’s cute when juxtaposed with their massive guns and otherwise manliness in general.
I do believe this is ZEE first time I have ever had to beg to differ with TBL, but I really think the days of the ubiquitous Kenny-esque plumber, complete with plumber’s crack, are going the way of the dodo. There really D0ES seem, at least around these godawful parts, to be a wave of totes hot tradies.
I think you may need to leave the house more often? Let me guess you also find Scott Cam attractive?
Scott Cam? 0r…Scottcam? *Shrugs* Not familiar with him/it! Gonna have to turn to that vast and factual, all-knowing cyber-Akashic record bank that is Google! He had better be hot, for my efforts!
And yeah, but nah, tradies are definitely getting attractive in my area. I never said remotely classy or smart or vaguely non-vapid or non-bevan. Just hot. 😀
Have to agree with you. I am in the bogan suburb of Boronia in Victoria and had some plumbers at my house recently. The younger plumbers were definitely attractive men, but as soon as they opened their mouths, all attractiveness was soon gone! I call it the Beckham effect!
Ooooh I do so love a good “class” discussion…disguised as it may be.
My only point is that its not all about money…yes some plumbers may make more than me. But I have the honour of not digging around other people’s toilets all day.
A prostitute makes more money than me too. As does a sucessful stripper.
Fuck I’m a snob
I have no problem with tradies, but Australia would have to be one of the only countries i’ve lived in where women with masters degrees get involved with tradies. I’ve seen it time and time again. and the ‘fair go’ has nothing to do with it. It’s not too surprising, as international dating surveys generally reveal that Australians place ‘intelligence’ as a very low priority in dating, but the women tend to be far worse than men in this regard.
just an observation.
Yes, but some women place very high value on a high income and tradies are now making very good money. In fact, tradies often make more money than university educated folk. Personally, I value intellect and would love to go back many years to rectify that particular mistake!
XXX,
I suspect you confuse intellect with education ?
Neither can replace the other.
Oh, James Hunter, I suspect you’re confusing everyone here with your somewhat obscure take on written English.
the mistake of valuing intellect you mean? 😉
Yes, i agree it’s often about money, but there is more to it than that imo. it’s reflective of a certain mindset. I never saw that kind of thing in Europe. i.e an educated woman with a tradesman, regardless of how money he made.
How long were you in Europe – the full extent of your Contiki tour? You weren’t looking closely enough: tertiary-educated women and working class (i.e. non-formally educated) men together is common enough.
DP, i have lived and worked in 4 European countries. What you are speaking of is perhaps more common in parts of Northern Europe, but i didn’t really see much evidence of it in Southern Europe(i’ve lived in Greece and Italy), or even France and Germany. And the reason for this is because in most of Western Europe, there is far more snobbery about education than there is countries like Australia, where the point of education is just to get you a job and confers little, if any, real social status beyond that point.
women generally marry up, “re-ned-ucated” or not – truely intelligent women (ladies) DO NOT MARRY TRADIES. If you have ever been to a university, you will hear the disgust directed at learing tradies repairing some meaningless shit on campus.
And whoever compares an apprenticeships to getting a higher degree needs to get their heads examined. what a typical anti-intellectual argument. only in countries like Australia and America can you get away with such drivel. There is no way that an apprenticeship is comparable to a master’s degree or anything higher. it’s not even comparable to an undergraduate degree.
real talk 🙂
I loved reading all the things bogans like, agreed with everything that was on the list and cringed when I identified with liking some of the same things! Well, there’s a little bit of bogan in all of us I suppose 🙂
A couple of things I would like to add to the list that I didn’t see at first glance are shopping at Aldi, TV’s in restaurants (my personal pet hate) – preferable flat screen and airing today tonight while I’m trying to have a quite meal. Also I didn’t see acrylic nails on the list or did I miss it?
Clare, re Aldi see # 125, but substitute bookcase for case of tomato paste.
You might be onto something with the TV but should involve all TV in public places, doctors surgeries, Gov’t offices, funeral homes, you get the idea, & for Nails see # 3 but sub for tattoos.
Tradies are only good looking when they’re very young. By the time they hit their late-30s, they’re washed up and wrinkled from all the physical work and chemical shit they deal with. Kind of like AFL footballers in the way they age quickly. I have a theory they’re all circumcised too: something about that anglo bogun background….a future topicl for TBL maybe?
Lola,
Of couyrse they are all circumcised. They come from backgrounds where personal hygine was inportant and where the implications of it for their sexual partners was important.
Enjoy.
Say what you want, but most women prefer a circumcised dick. Amen.
You have really hit the nail on the head (no pun intended) with this one. My bogan mother in law couldn’t understand why I wasn’t getting our son circumcised. I never had any intention of getting it done as it is completely unnecessary. Her reasoning for getting my husband circumcised? “So he could look like his father!” How sad is reasoning like that and how typically bogan!
Yeah i find blokes my age who jockey desks to be in much better physical shape and they also tend to have a higher coping thresh-hold in stressful situations(a common occurance in your late 30,s) Methinks your theory on cicumcision is derived from extensive research?
All natural and proud.
@brad: my research is professional: I actually perform them on odd occasions. Though the parents asking for them are getting less odd. By all means be natural and proud (I have mixed, but slightly negative perceptions about the procedure), but you’re going to be in the minority again – this thing is coming back with a vengeance.
You’re spot on the stress thing (another TBL topic). I’ve noticed these people seem to have trainwreck lives at age 35+, given stupid and wholly self-inflicted decisions they make eg. rooting the secretary, overextending credit and other keep-up-with-the-bogan activities.
@XXX: Bogan logic gold! ‘Like his father’ kind of shuts it all down. Glad you ignored her, as it is your motherly right to do so, particularly when said M-I-L is a bogan.
@anyone. Is it bogan or bogun? I’d always spelt it bogun back in the 80s, but it looks like an official spelling has evolved.
“Work for me” is a funny song about loving tradies, done in a calypso style from the woman’s point of view for once:
http://www.myspace.com/thejunestunes
ad on a news ltd. page:
http://www.rsvp.com.au/content/zine/tradie+calendar+2011/31723.jsp?s_rid=Xpromo:tradies:calendar
Just got around to reading this one fully (I’ve been back at uni for an hour and already I’m bludging off). Time for one of my trademark stories.
Last year a couple of my old footy teammates were working on a construction project at uni when I happened across them (didn’t realise they were there) and agreed to meet up for a drink when they were done.
They stumble in to Doncaster while I’ve got two hours worth of beers in my stomach and the first thing that comes up is the number of hot women we got around the place (with natural reference to the quantity of #145). They want to know how I control myself.
Naturally, being somewhat drunk I give a response I thought was funny (all the dudes wank off under the table during lectures) but unfortunately the barmaid (who I spent a year trying to pick up) didn’t think it as funny.
Ash fail.
Unfortunately you are all correct, there are a number of “Tradies” (fuck, I really hate that word) out there that do an honest day’s work, to a productive standard and task condition.
The rest knock off work at 2pm, following an 8 hour day comprised of two hours waiting for the client to arrive, 1.5 hours of safety meetings, 1.5 hours of lunch and perhaps 3-3.5 hours of actual work (not inclusive of smoko, or toilet breaks).
You can find these guys at the pub by 3pm (any pub will do, I gaurentee you will find these guys here) pissing away their badly earned money before their wife/significant other gets a hold of their payslip.
Another thing, you may notice that there are a significant number of dickheads rocking holden, mazda or toyota utes, tearing through the streets, tailgating the rest of the community, and intermittently cutting off grannies and soccer mums in their rush to get back to the pub.
As to tradies being something bogan’s like. True. Very True.
The one thing bogan’s love more than anything else is themselves. I have yet to meet a tradie who is not a bogan. Either at work, or at home, they seem to wrap themselves in the Australian ideal of “aaaah, she’ll be right, crack another stubbie and forget about it.”.
This applies to every aspect of their work/life balance, until the point where this attitude:
a) Affects their pay-rate;
b) Gets them stuck behind someone doing the speed limit;
c) Someone begins a conversation about foriegn people;
d) Someone kicks up a discussion about an Australian Republic;
e) Suggests they actually do some fucking work.
Having worked bar’s for the past few years, and just finished my degree in Sciences, It is disappointing to see that Australia has a love and respect for this culture of dickheadism.
For a continuation of this discussion also see sections :Unionism, ALP, Ute, Road-Rage, Alcohol induced violence, rugby league, and latent homosexuality.
As the grandson of a British earl, and an Australian, I believe that I am entitled to say that tradesmen are not inferior people – in fact – speaking from personal experience, they happen to be among the friendliest and most decent people one might encounter, and deserve our appreciation. They are hard workers, and the world’s economies depend on them – and on a practical level, far more useful to a country than I will ever be. I hold nothing but admiration for tradespeople, and would welcome them as friends with open arms – if only they weren’t so prejudiced against us toffs.