For decades, female bogans have happily purchased lifestyle magazines. These publications gave the 1950s housewife new recipes, new things to knit, and new ways to grip the shaft of a feather duster. By the 1970s, these magazines had started to change, with an increase in articles about TV shows and movie stars. By the 1990s, the race to the bottom had reached fever pitch, with illicit affairs, and celebrity cover-ups competing for the female bogan’s dwindling attention span. In the mid 90s, the publishers observed that all they were providing to the female bogan was smut, scandal, and sex tips. “May I suggest that male bogans want these things too”, said one junior publishing executive, observing the convergence of bogan genders.
Ralph, part of the Kerry Packer bogan harvesting empire, arrived on the scene in 1997. They featured scantily clad women on the front, and enough sport and smut to convince some of the more progressive male bogans to stop buying People/Picture magazine (both Packer enterprises). The other benefit of Ralph for the male bogan, was that each edition contained a smattering of health/lifestyle articles that the male bogan would never read. These articles made the magazine technically not porn, and female bogan spouses found it more difficult to object to the magazine’s presence in the toilet at casa de bogan.
This uneasy truce continued until 2006, when the ultimate bogan male publication appeared on shelves. Zoo Weekly does away with any health and wellbeing content, replacing it with additional scantily clad women, and some more articles that valiantly attempt to classify Lara Bingle photo shoots as AFL/cricket news. The magazine has a team of female sex advice columnists dubbed “The Threesome”, which appeals to the male bogan’s desire for x-treme group sex (but with no other blokes, because that’d be gay). It even contains former Big Brother contestants as columnists, along with classic bogan beer pit David Boon. None of these columns are more than 200 words in length, due the bogan’s preference for bright colours and silicone breasts over letters and numbers. The Packer empire forked out $94 million in 2007 to acquire Zoo Weekly and tap into this pulsating new vein of boganity. Also included in the deal was the acquisition of Ralph rival FHM.
Zoo Weekly’s publisher pitches its bogan audience to advertisers as “living for the next party, the next gadget, and the next girl”, a summary that compelled the bogan’s girlfriend to start a loud argument about the ongoing presence of the magazine in its house. Initially, the male bogan conceded. For the next few weeks, the bogan male purchased Ralph, and tried to convince itself that the volume of tits in there was adequate. Its relationship improved, with the female bogan seeming oddly grateful that Ralph was around, the very publication that it decried only a decade earlier. In March 2010, she sent her man down to 7-Eleven to purchase a Diet Coke to pair with her bag of lollies. At the drinks fridge, the male bogan spied the promotional placard that would lead to its undoing: “500ml can of Mother and copy of Zoo Weekly for only $6!”. His relationship was doomed.
The other nice thing about Ralph is that the name lends itself to endless spew jokes.
Ralph had a slight Viz angle to it, that did make it a mildly amusing whilst waiting for one’s car to be serviced.
Ah Yes, Viz! Haven’t heard of that mag for about 20 years, yet can still recall that Ivor McSkivor’s Dad was a bad driver.
Readers Tips were always my favourite:
“Pasta spirals make great screws for holding together pieces of broken cake”. Mr Ivor Whopper, Hammersmith.
Haha you know you’ve now doomed me to an afternoon of rummaging through my old stuff in the folks’ garage looking for my old copies, don’t you…? Ah pissflaps.
Like your Viz ‘Elvis Pharoah Dambusters Clock Plate’? Handcrafted by teenage Asian craftladies and perfect for any tat-filled mantlepiece.
Viz!
“Good Evening and F*ck” – Roger Mellie the Man on the Telly
and my personal favourite;
“‘Ere Biffa garn oot an fukka coppa forrus.”
“Hawait a mint Farva I’m watchint telly” – Biffa Bacon.
or
“I’ll shag both of yez for a chip supper.” – Fat Slags
thanks for the memories.
(sorry, ADD again.)
Ah, Roger’s Profanisaurus, such a stimulating read.
Stimulating…woo, woo, yak, yak, phnarr, phnarr!
Oops, sounds like bum.
Ahhh… VIZ, what a fine publication that was. With such characters as Buster Gonad and Johnny Fartpants. I even had the VIZ game on my dear old Commodore 64.
Actually, I seem to vaguely remember an Australian attempt at a VIZ-style comic. This would have been around ’92-’93 or thereabouts. Can’t for the life of me remember what it was called, though.
What is this Viz thing? I’ve never heard of it… judging by the excerpts here though, I wish I had. Sounds bloody funny!
http://www.viz.co.uk/
wouldn’t be something done by Fred Negro by any chance?
Tis an ancient tome, very similar to Fred Negro (who has copied Viz to a large degree).
From memory was called something like Wacker…
I have to admit, When I first saw Susan Boyle, the first thing I thought of was Biffa Bacon’s ‘Muvva’
Haha, I’m a Geordie, and there’s no end to the bloody Biffa ribbing I cop
“Haway Biffa, givsa hand like”….
Viz rules.
Toony – makes sense now.
I appreciate the difference between Smoggies and Geordies, but have you seen Teesside Tintin on youtube? Pretty funny
Well done TBL! I think you’ve topped yourself mentioning the can of Mother+ Zoo Weekly deal- a classic.
Love the Bibgle cover, also I saw the ad in the 7-11 and had a chuckle the other day…
*Bingle…
I was instantly attracted to the biff-fest and shag-a-thon! Maybe it’s the sensational headline-a-rama that captures my imagination?
PS: ‘Bibgle’ works for me, possibly an adequate description for her face?
‘new ways to grip the shaft of a feather duster’. I laughed and laughed!
PS. ‘TV ad girl, LARA BINGLE’s’ come f*ck me face makes me vomit in my mouth a litte.
Ahh yes, another perfect example of the Old School Bogan vs New Age Bogan dichotomy … NABs wouldn’t be seen dead with a copy of Picture (“them Home Girls are just a bunch o’ porkers!”) The girls in Zoo and Ralph are sufficiently plastic and unrealistic enough to appeal to the aspirational NAB. The same goes for those TV commercials for Brut deodorant that came out a year or two ago.
The ad where a robot turned normal stuff into maxtreme bogan stuff? TBL
A a football (bit bit of a ‘girly’ kick mind you), own a ute, make a motorcycle, then pull a creepy robot face when you turn a doll into a slightly gormless looking ‘hot chick’ with a massive rack, of teeth. What real man wouldn’t want all these possessions?
Yes, that was one of the ads TBL, and also there was the ad where a NAB wearing Brut is trying to score with an impossibly good-looking Spanish-speaking lady, and the other bogans are in a van with a Spanish dictionary translating pickup lines for him via an earpiece. Needless to say, he succeeded in picking up Senorita Plastica – because he was Still Brutally Male!
Speaking of appalling adds…
Have you seen the one where a cock and his dickhead mates fake the end of the world so he can rape some girl in a bar?
I think it was for Pepsi Maxxxxxxxxxx.
Coupled with some typically awe inspiring public dancing, as all ‘characters’ do.
ergh yes I hate their little bogan victory dance at the end of those ads
There is also the ad targeted at the ‘older’ NaB (the one suffering the x-treme midlife crisis) for the hair colour stuff for grey hair. The name of the product escapes me, but it shows a man and a girl (note girl is deliberately younger than the protaganist) in a fencing dual, and the man wins and the young blonde take off her mask, shakes her mane of hair and exclaims “You nailed me”.
I vomit in my mouth a little bit every time I have the misfortune of viewing this c*ap.
Ooo that ad for a men’s hair dye invokes a similar reaction from me. I absolutely hate it!
gold i use this line on my wife when she catches me out for some silly indescrection always raises a cackle
Duel.
or the “big to do list” billboard.
with the empty check box next to the “chick”
yeah.
‘cos hes gonna “do” her.
do.
Things Bogans Like – Pepsi Maxxxxx
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
I used to enjoy the odd Pepsi Max (I like the taste for some bizarre reason). Since that add, no longer.
Thought I was the only one. The ad where the guy stages a violently unsuccessful job interview so that his dumb mate can get the job is bad enough, without the annoying ‘victory dance’ with the mandatory rotation. I feel like changing the channel, but by then its too late.
From the cover: “How to score with a model! (so the don’t press charges)”.
what.
it’s a rape joke
rape jokes aren’t funny when bogans make them because its highly plausible that they would rape if presented with the opportunity
when are they funny?
thats a bit dramatic jo
the bogan is a classy thing, isn’t he?
Ha… Timely…. I overheard a bogan complaining about the quality of magazine in the Qantas Club on Sunday…. loudly expressed his disgust at not being able to get “a decent mag” to his dickhead mate.
TBL should have a little run through the Q Club these days. Fucked if I know how, but bogans litter the place. Another “safe haven” destroyed…..
Funny you should mention that my dad and I were discussing this on the way to the airport last week.
To quote the late great Sid Vicious “I’ve seen the man on the street, and he’s a cunt”
That’s why I don’t bother shelling out for the Q Club any more, it’s full of bogans flash with cash, so you might as well save your dough and slouch off to the Hungry Jacks or just watch planes being unloaded through the window.
ALAS !!! That is sooo true !!
Bogans and their brat kids running around screaming and/or being screamed at… Loading up their plates at the hot food counter as if they haven’t eaten in 8 weeks…
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again… please Singapore Airlines.. come and save us !!
No, there is a lower level of hell than this.
Recent work activity has resulted in me traipsing back and forth to the Gold Coast on an almost weekly basis and facing the bogan creche that is Jetstar.
At least Q Club allows you a mobile free area to hide from the NAB and their spawn and we all appreciate that no NAB worth his daily dose of Red Bull could possibly be separated from his iPhone unless forced to. Who knows what important txt he could miss?
Oh, Andrew, prey tell, there must be more stories of boganity from your times on the GC, surely?
I was at a local (Broadbeach) restaurant on Sunday night, only to be (pleasantly:( sat next to a loudly negative family. Interestingly, (the waitress informed me later that) they had dined there five (5) times that week whilst on holiday.
The patriarch stood and announced “well, no wonder it’s shit; we are in redneck country!” – to which I responded, at a lesser volume, with my offence and advised they would need to travel AT LEAST to Logan for the true redneck bogans. They certainly were representing their state though (for NaBs/Bs).
(whichever southern state that was)
Wonderful entry.
Thanks again folks.
Never heard of it. Is it peer reviewed?
I’m sure it is. However have a guess who the author’s peers are.
Gazza and Davo down the pub?
Sharrod, Daerryn, Jarryn and Hendrix, just before the spewed out the back of the ‘Chevy’ ute.
All of the above plus a few “celebrity” reviewers. For example one Brendan Fevola is a natural choice for reviewing all of the “articles” mentioned on that cover.
I highly recommend “Bacon Busters” as another worthy magazine for those looking for a good read – more for the rural bogue whose interests include both pig hunting and tits. They also produce an annual Bacon Busters calendar – a must have.
Both FHM and Zoo were originally NOT part of the Kerry Packer empire (ACP), only Ralph, Picture & People were. Zoo’s sales were skyrocketing so ACP bought them out.
Valid quibbles, the transaction happened in 2007. We shall amend. Oh, and it’s “Kerry Packer bogan harvesting empire”. TBL
Should that be “volume of tits”?
If I had a dollar for the amount of times I think I’ve met a nice guy, go to his house, and spy a stack of Zoo in his toilet and then experience the subsequent sinking feeling of disappointment. I’d rather discover dried up shit stuck to the toilet bowl.
I find reading on the toilet detestable, no matter the reading material. Unless it’s the newspaper that is discarded that day, there are so many sanitary issues that I can’t shake from my mind.
When reading magazines like this, add the scatological aspect of men being turned on whilst on the toilet…
I agree wholeheartedly. I know someone who reads cook books in the loo. One can only assume that these make their way from the toilet to the kitchen bench.
OH. I’m struggling to process that without making myself ill.
One can only assume you do not eat there?!
I read an email a couple of years ago that pointed out to women that handbags shouldn’t be placed on benches/tables because they had been dirty places such as public toilet stall floors. Apparently some people don’t know about the hook/lock/lap options because my bag certainly has not!
Having to be told how dirty your handbag is after it’s been on a toilet stall floor is very bogan.
I have attended BBQs at this abode which I have justified by telling myself that none of the fare on offer will have required consulting a recipe.
Ew! for both men being turned on whilst on the toilet and the person who transports their cookbooks from toilet to kitchen.
I can’t imagine how inefficient a male’s body must be that he has time to read in the toilet..one of those great mysteries of life I guess.
Bogans don’t eat fibre, or drink anything that isn’t a diuretic. So constipation is pretty much expected.
Reading on the toilet is definitely not confined to the bogans.
Then I have no answers.
I haven’t a clue why people do that. Perhaps they are looking for some solitude.
Or having a wank.
I’m hoping it’s for the ‘serenity’
Men like reading in toilets, I have NO idea why. At work recently, a freebie magazine turned up in the ladies’ loo, which excited some comment as it’s unusual to see reading matter in women’s toilets.
As for the lady who found Zoo in Her Intended’s dunny, I do hope she took revenge by stinking up the place, and hiding the loo paper in the cistern. Then he’ll have to use Zoo…
No i just ramble something about washing my hair and having a headache and go home and not answer my phone for the next few weeks
Indeed.
I’ve lost count of the number of times i’ve read The Economist, The Big Issue or the Fin Review whilst on the crapper.
Thank you! Finally some other people who agree that reading on the toilet is positively foul! I have had this argument with people so many times and I was genuinely beginning to think I was the only person in the world who had an issue with it! Alas this is not a habit that is confined to bogans…I work for a big corporation that will remain nameless based in the CBD…I just cringe every time I see a highly paid executive type (who should know better) taking reading material into the public work toilet!
My pet hate too, and then they come out and give that stuff to someone else! No thank you! Yuck!
I lent a book to a friend of mine I used to work with. I was over for beers at his place shortly afterwards and I found it virtually in pieces next to his toilet. He explained to me it was his ‘reading material’.
Needless to say I offered him to ‘keep it’… and a replacement was ordered.
How rude!
Surely by “virtually in pieces” you don’t mean he actually used the pages? He just read it “to death”?
I would hate to think anyone would disrespect a book I lent them. I am especially careful with others’ books. Folded corners instead of bookmarks make me cringe.
I was pretty shocked actually.
It was read to death rather than being used.. but read in such a way where it was folded around like you would do to a magazine you are reading on a plane.
I think he still feels guilty about it. When last at his place he gave me two free choices from his library as compensation. Funnily enough his entire (and quite extensive) library was in immaculate condition.
A strange chap.
Most likely they were all ‘unopened’ gifts then? It’s easy to regift something you have no interest in… What was this toilet page-turner?
i cant understand why you ladies dont read on the toilet?-it certainly would smell nice as you only fart lavender and poo pot pouri
I can’t speak for the other fine ladies here, but I don’t have time to read on the toilet.
No, it doesn’t have quite the right ambiance for me to spend my leisure time there…
Yeah, I don’t think I have ever uttered, “see you later, I’m going to hang in the toilet for a while”.
Get in and then get out.
“There’s a better kind of normal” perhaps was an advertising campaign they should have heeded?
Sad.
I had a girl around once who expressed dismay too.
She thought I was a bit of a freak because the place was a little ‘too clean.’
Haha classic. Love the Mother + Zoo deal mention, had a chuckle at that myself when saw it at the service station. And my favourite “….due the bogan’s preference for bright colours and silicone breasts over letters and numbers.” Explains so much…
P.S. I would have to say though, that Zoo does make for a funny read…
Somewhat ironically, the male of the bogan species seems to have more than adequate interest in letters and numbers when it comes to the comparing (or guessing) the size of said silicone breasts…
I have met functionally illiterate people who can read and digest something as arcane as a horse racing guide.
Maybe the school curriculum should be changed to include bogan friendly teachings
Zoo really does understand their market perfectly don’t they…
If you look at that cover… it is (almost) impossible to cram more bogan into one cover…
And cleverly, if you look at the word ZOO froma distance, the OO can slightly resemble breasts – even more attention grabbing to the Bogan…
Nice observation
Well on the plus side, at least it tries to encourage bogans to read and it briefly distracts them from glassing cnuts.
Just don’t hand a copy to Rick Phillips if he’s anywhere near Mike Rann, a magazinin’ ain’t a pretty sight.
ahaha! the glory of seeing one bogan hit another bogan over the head with a rolled up Zoo magazine
Well, Rick Phillips certainly quialifies (regardless of whether he carefully selected a wine review magazine as the weapon of choice for his most recent assault), whilst Mike’s alleged tendancy for impulsive acts of desire on parliamentary furniture with barmaids, probably gives him a high rating too. Of course, I’d prefer to see Jaydyn and Jaxxon armed with mens publications in a duel to the finish outside of the West Terrace McDonalds…it’s just grittier.
Bogue, did you see Rick blaming his son’s behaviour on Mike Rann after the nast little turd was arrested for assaulting someone with a baseball bat, knife, spear and god knows what else..
The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
Hearkens (?) back to yesterday’s post – blaming anyone but themselves.
Yes, the X-CuB (Extremely Cashed Up Bogan). This wedsite won’t allow me to post a link for some reason, but there’s a particularly interesting article on the VEXNEWS website (a tad vexatious too) promoting the virtus of the Phillips-Chantellois family as role models to us all. Sound like a nasty bunch.
Niiiice one TBL. I have been waiting for this one.
I have always wondered if there will ever be a magazine that is filled with just tits. No heads, torsos, legs or arms. Just tits! Because that is really what the bogan male wants. Tits. I forsee this in the future. Once the Tits/mams/cans magazine has come out with a series of numbered photos of cans, the bogan male can escort the female bogan to the plastic surgeon with the cut out numbered photo to exclaim, “I want these ones”.
Zoo ran a competition where its readers could win a boob-job for their girlfriend…not sure if it was abandoned due to the vast outrage it recieved or if they followed through with it, but I’m guessing it was run with the aim to draw publicity and not to make a bogan and his girlfriend a very fulfilled couple.
Uuuugh!
The awful truth.
I daresay it was run with the aim of getting the femme-bogue to encourage their paramours to purchase the magazine. What respectable femme-bogue wouldn’t want a FREE boob-job?
Nice One.
It brings to mind the piece on Hungry Beast recently.
On femmes surgically remodelling their pudenda to match what they are seeing in their Boguefriends stroke mags.
Not happy with only having Pammie’s Boosies?
Now you can have her coochie too!
Awesome call Chubby!!
I was horrified by that piece on Hungry Beast.
It would be a great special edition. A copy of each
(Cans! & Vag Weekly) with the before and after shots. Like one of those american yearbooks. All lined up in rows for a pretty picture.
The group photo would be difficult though. How to keep detail with an en masse appeal.
That was quite a disturbing article.
I have to admit I was a bit alarmed at how varied vaginas could be, I had no idea, not being a lesbian or porn-reader/watcher…wow I was so sheltered
Why alarmed? Like the doctor said, ‘there’s no normal face even though all faces are normal.’
Just curious.
Doesnt RALPH stand for: Reliable And Lovable Piss Head?
Ralph was a common name often given by blokes to their penises as a nickname. I always assumed that the publisher named the magazine after his dick!
When I was in primary school in the 1990s it was slang for vomiting. As in, “I just ralphed in my desk drawer sir.”
Yeah, because his penis does all of his thinking for him!
Hence the content of the magazine…
RALPH: A magazine published by a dick, for dicks and named after a dick!
Nice one Nelson!
Reprehensible and Loathable sounds more to the point.
I’m sure if anyone of us cared enough a quick google would settle this…of course none of us are willing to take it that far
Ahhhh, Zoo. What made my life so enjoyable managing staff was the tendency for the stupidest of them to bring this, Ralph and FHM (also the occasional People and Picture) into the workplace. Then reading them in front of customers. After much explaining (and this was at three different locations) that it wasn’t acceptable I’d have to then explain that:
1) It wasn’t acceptable
2) It was a waste of time and uneducational
3) It distracted them from doing their jobs
4) Some people may find them offensive, including female co-workers. The look of puzzlement at that one was priceless.
One tool countered my argument with the fact that Zoo had “mad facts brah” When I started throwing out any copies that were found at one shop (after two warnings to get rid of them), I was faced with a Tweed Shire tsunami of bewilderment and distress. The people that read these mag’s are fuckwits with a very short attention span, aka ADHD, and I will happily look at them fucking their lives up further and further. 4225 Brah!
Fuckheads.
I think there’s a simple analogy that references “small minds” that would be appropriate here. It really is amazing how oblivious these types are to what may and may not offend others. Generally speaking, the main problem these bogans have is the simple realisation that not everyone lives/thinks in accordance with its low standards. This is something that astounds the average bogan.
it isn’t really that they’re oblivious – it’s always that everyone else needs to ‘harden up’ or some other bogan phrase of the moment.
Interesting, in the study of cognitive development in children you learn about ‘egocentrism’, which is when a toddler or young child believes everyone thinks exactly the same as them, e.g. if I steal something from you, you should be happy about it. Maybe the bogan just retains this to a greater extent than everybody else…
niiice.
It’s not that the Bogue can’t appreciate your point of view;
It’s that he can’t appreciate that you have one.
4225 = ‘Cooly kids’. It’s an epidemic down there…
I hope you had some back-up from other less-bogan co-workers who agreed with you? and you weren’t left to face the tidal wave of unintelligible abuse on your own
Nope, I think I was the only manager that really cracked down on it. Most others thought it was fine. Not that I’m offended by pornography, but if I was going to get a personal talking to by a state manager about inappropriate material in the workplace, it was going to be for something glossy and in 4 European languages, not some stupid faux-porn bullshit. They just couldn’t get it.
you get that kind of thing at KFC though reparty
oh wow this is the best post so far.
Jo- sadly that competition was followed through with a Perth girl whom I know (and who quite a few men know as well if you get my drift) winning it. Now to top off her lovely white hair and orange skin she also has fake boobs.
As for the rape jokes, bogans love them. I was subjected to one the other evening whilst walking around town between bars I overheard someone in a group of bogans proclaim “I would rape her.” I just chose to ignore the comment. Imagine if I had actually been sexually abused before, talk about damaging.
speechless @ rape comment.
I hope after her boyfriend won her some boobs she dumped him because she wanted to use her new attributes to sleep-around, the only person who can truly hurt a bogan is another bogan
Someone I knew through work was showing the manager of a café he frequented in Main Beach (Gold Coast) a photo of Posh that showed her ribs and obvious breast augmentation and commenting at how she was his ‘perfect woman’. Observing this I remarked that he must like ‘bolt ons’. He responded that he had purchased boobs for his previous 2 girlfriends and both had left him soon after. Priceless.
I recall hearing a statistic somewhere on marriages or relationships which fail after boob jobs. Let’s face it, who wants to be with someone who has become merely a life support system for a pair of tits.
WOW – where was this?? I have never heard anything like that rape comment, and I have heard a lot!
I often hear people say “I’m going to go rape a beer” or “I drank too much beer… I’m going to go rape my toilet”, but never rape comments about humans…I think if footballers have taught us anything its that bogans can and will rape…so they probably shouldn’t joke about it
The jury is still out on that ‘fact’ about footballers and rape. Although I’m sure it happens, I have seen the behaviour of a lot of women around footballers and the lengths they’ll go to to get their attention. Morning regret can often change the story…
the onus is on the footballer to ignore women like that, too bad the footballer not only loves women like that, but thinks all women are like that…even the ones “playing hard to get”
I do enjoy a rape joke now and then, but as with anything, there is a time and a place. I can’t even stand people swearing in public, let alone them saying something so atrocious with no thought as to who is around.
Where does “Men’s Style” fit into the categorisation? It has longer articles, way beyond the 30 second attention span, sometime even decent current affairs stuff, well beyond the normal scope of a TT or ACA “in-depth investigation”. BUT it also has a lot of scantily clad femmes.
Are they aiming for the intelli-bogan? The metrosexual-bogan (but not too metro, cuz that would be gay, I just like to look after myself cuz the chicks dig it and all, not because I feel a deep sense of unfuliment every time I watch mardi gras, and that I really should have told Braandon the way I felt after that footy session in the showers…) ?
Or is it actually a gentleman’s rag? One with a bit of cleavage? Or for the bogan in gentleman’s clothing?
Well I was speechless to, that’s why I didn’t say anything. He was obviously joking (not very funny) as he was laughing and so were all of his mates, but still wouldn’t want to be in a dark alley with him lurking.
Word!
Surprised that this took so long to be mentioned you guys.
Alyssa- It was outside capitol on Murray street. I should’ve just steered clear when I saw the numbered T-shirts though. It was hard for me to do that anyway as I pretty much had to walk past them!
On the topic of rape jokes has anyone else seen the Roger David t-shirt with the photo of the roughed up, gagged woman on the front. I’m sure there were bogans a plenty at future music sporting it as they bopped along to the song “sexy bitch” by Dave Guetta. Of course, the outrage over the t-shirt from women’s groups, rape victims etc has been dissmissed as, wait for it, political correctness gone mad.
Appallingly, rape jokes/references seem to be everywhere in bogan land at the moment.
TBL right on the mark as usual.
Lowest common denominator stuff. I notice the similarity in the title of this odious waste of forest resources to the fembogue favourite “New Weekly”. I’m sure it’s deliberate by the publishers and probably exposes their cynicism.
I’m becoming overwhelmed by the massive tide of sexual targeting by our marketing overlords. I want to just scream. “OK we get it. We all have the bits and all do the act. Can we move on please?” I would have assumed that this pitch loses it’s appeal to anyone past puberty but alas…
I long for the days when things like porn, strippers, lap dancing and plastic surgery were reprehensible at best and dirty little secrets at worst. Somehow they have all attained a veneer of “respectability” and a tsunami of thinly veiled smut has ensued.
I recall an IQ2 debate recently on ABC “Popular Culture, We’ve Seen The Future and It’s Junk”. From memory, the second speaker for the affirmative put it more eloquently than I ever could. For the life of me I can’t find a transcript but I did find audio and video streams: http://www.abc.net.au/tv/fora/stories/2010/02/16/2817127.htm
if any one has the time or the inclination.
Surely it won’t be long until Zoo runs a cover story on glassing technique.
“Saturday Night Shenanigans – Gaining the Upper Hand!”
I too wonder how porn became mainstream.
The internet, of course.
That explains the proliferation, but what explains the mainstream appeal?
It’s always had mainstream appeal, but people were less willing to own up to it. Its proliferation has led to more openness towards it. I’m talking about actual porn here, though, and not the likes of Zoo Weekly.
That’s an insightful point Shirley, thanks. Maybe I don’t get it because I do not see the appeal myself.
I don’t know if this belongs here or under “spurious allergies”.
Things Bogans are apparently disposed to: sex addiction.
So maybe now porn, strippers, lap dancers and whores come under bogan therapy?
If you dont luv all these stuff then u r gay.
If I see a Dolly magazine, I must read Dolly Doctor.
Dolly’s doctor = not so good
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dolly_(sheep)
James Packer is possibly Australia’s wealthiest Bogue with offspring named Indigo & Jackson, with a Johdi as an ex wife now married to Erica (former model & singer!).
Nicely observed. Yet further proof that boganity does not respect class differences.
Hahaha – that she was a singer was news to me! After further investigation I see she released a single in 2006 that climbed the great heights of the chart to #57. I thought her only claim to fame was winning a cover of Dolly Magazine, but I see her talents are more far-reaching.
“The magazine has a team of female sex advice columnists dubbed “The Threesome”, which appeals to the male bogan’s desire for x-treme group sex (but with no other blokes, because that’d be gay).”
How does this tie in with football team shenanigans? Has this been covered?
I think there are certain football players who are bi-curious or closet gays…why else would they all get it on with one chick and 6 young, strapping, aroused males????
Right on guys!
Things like pole dancing pass as “glamour” these days (at least according to channel 9).
…..and how about that Ed Hardy inspired “Wicked” energy drink ad?
Give me a break!
Sorry, this should be under James’ comment.
Hey Faggits,
My name is Rickee, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are intallectual, retardd, no-lifes who spend every second of their day looking at stupidass blogs. You are everything bad in Australia. Honestly, have any of you ever glassed any cunts? I mean, I guess it’s fun making fun of people because of your own insicurities, but you all take to a hole new lvl. This is even worse than flying here and complaining about our culture and shit. Fuck OFF!
Don’t be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I’m pretty much X-treme. I was captain of the footy team, and starter on my junior 20/20 team. What sports do you play, other than “jack off to blogs about decent Australian blokes”? I also get straight A’s, and have a banging hot missus (She just blew me; Shit was SO x-treme). You are all faggits who should just kill yourselves. Thanks for listening.
AUSSIE PRIDE OI OI OI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
Dude, nice try.
Hey CM has a new persona.
I think it might be his little brother – judging from the “straight As”, he must be in high school, because As are not so good in a tertiary context. Judging by all the gay references, this young fellow is clearly a homosexual, which he attempts to cover up with x-treme heterosexual oral sex acts (while no doubt fantasising about how it would feel to give rather than receive, and about us jacking off while reading his post). The footy team captaincy is a dead giveaway insofar as the homosexuality is concerned. Need I continue?
He’s far too coherent to be Common Man.
I am not quite sure what to make of this offering. Am I meant to take it seriously, and tear it to pieces? Or should I assume this troll should not be fed?
Trolls can be fun James.
Hey I think I know your banging hot missus. She gave me an x-treme blow job just the other day.
Was she the one on the cover of crack whore magazine?
Maybe. I saw her at Starbucks and told her I liked her massive cans. The rest is history.
don’t go there Si.
poor little takker just got home from school.
faggots
intellectual
retard
stupid arse
insecurities
whole
level
extreme (ROFLMAO)
3/10
classic
Hey Rickee.
If you don’t like it leave…
now call me some rude names.
Yeh “fuck off we’re full” springs to mind
Rickee, you’re not the first bogan, and you’ll definitely not be the last, to have an angry rant at all the non-bogues blogging here. It would be fair to say that we have all sent them off angrier than they came after posting responses to their incomprehensible gibberish.
Congratulations on achieving straight A’s. However, I must ask in what subjects did you achieve this? By your appalling spelling and grammar, it certainly is not English. My 16 month old daughter has better language skills than you.
I must also say that I love your name. With its rediculous spelling, I am sure TBL add it to the ‘Bogue by any other name’ list. You will be immortalised.
Thank you for your contribution; it was entertaining and you have made our day by just being the stereotypical bogan we make fun of here. Go now, have another can of Mother, vent your rage at some poor unsuspecting and undeserving femme-bogue, drive your SS Chevrodore up a pole or do whatever else bogans do. Just remember; we laugh at you and thank God we’re not like you.
Thanks for listening.
Well said 🙂 I love the ‘ridiculous spelling’ !!
Though I think this is Fi in disguise… causing trouble..
Faggots
intellectual
retard
stupid arse (love the american spelling rick – you’re aussie as!)
insecurities
whole
level
extreme (ROFLMFAO)
3/10 (D+)
Hey Rick, this is Australia. If you don’t like it leave.
Little Aussie champion is doing well for himself apparently.
At least while Mummy and Daddy are still picking up the tab.
We need intellectuals Ricky.
So people like you can have a Boss.
Y’know to give them a job and shit?
who am I kidding?
you’re gonna be begging to suck me off for five bucks in an alley off Darlinghurst road in a couple of years.
Once you leave home and the meth takes hold.
now go and tell all your little friends.
and come back and call us rude names.
(I can’t help myself)
damn.
first one disappeared.
I think I prefer 1.2 anyway.
bet he’s on the facebook page.
Haha you guys, it seems to me that this person has read a lot of the posts already to know all the lingo so well. I believe the spelling may or may not be intentional. But it’s most certainly someone who is looking for some entertainment this afternoon. And, lucky for us, we’re also amused. Thanks Rickee.
oh man.
have I been had?
*sheepish*
Is that you Fiona????
Guys, this is just a copypaste of a classic Internet troll meme. Ye gods, the /b/tards are infiltrating…
Ding Ding Ding we have a winner folks
i was just trolling. TBL i love your work really, i just wanted to see how effectively Guido translated into Bogan…with stunning results.
Thanks again guys
BTW Rickee belongs on the names list
Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo would have had you hung if you’d tried it there. TBL
Your purple hexagon face looks familiar… hmmm 🙂
Cotopaxi Y Carles is my other name
GTFO mai T/b/L!
damn – I missed this troll….
would have been fun…
next time…
*there will be more* – just like bogans… you can be sure…
yeah.
not for me. I just feel like a goose.
exposed my true boganity.
thouroughly old school
Mate.
I vote troll!
Hey Rickee,
Got the noose around the neck.
What next mate?
Where’s Fiona ?
Ah your all a bunch of bogans, suck it up princesses.
Whilst the writings have been amusing, personally I’m looking forward to entries about Bunnings, Aldi, iPhone’s and adoption.
If there’s an entry on Bunnings or Aldi, I’m going to stop reading.
The new age bogan defines itself too heavily by brand names to truly feel good about Aldi. Bunnings… well….
TBL
Aldi is Crazy Clark’s with food.
However, the adoption comment triggers thoughts about World Vision for me. All of the susceptible people are targeted. There are several horrific issues, however, the biggest issue I have is the amount they spend on advertising. Allegedly 93 cents in every dollar is advertising/administration/staff. My friends who live in Africa report that they drive around in luxury 4WDs and live in mansions. Seriously, whether I was working for an international ‘charity’ or not, I would hope/plan/expect/be grateful to live in a hut like everyone else. Anything else repulses me no end.
Families who can barely afford to clod their children each year are being fleeced, due to the marketing skills of a disgusting company: World Vision. Applause. *glass*
I would encourage you to read their annual report to confirm what their cost breakdowns are. These sort of allegations can have considerable impact, so it’s better for everyone that they come from first hand information. TBL
I smell a TT/ACA expose…
You’re up late, TBL. I understand your reticence. However, please take a moment to ponder – what other charity is capable of propagating such stories through so many mediums?
Would you not prefer they spend more on the child/community you wish to aid?
The head of the NSW World Vision has an 8 bedroom holiday mansion in Byron she’s happy to open to her friends for use during festivals.
Regarding my comment regarding luxury vehicles/mansions in Africa, I know this to be true.
Sorry if I offended your sensibilities, TBL.
Aldi is quite a clever, well oiled machine…
And I believe worthy of a TBL entry… mainly because it tricks bogans to work for them…. for FREE….
*follow me here for a second*
Aldi don’t generally have shelves, mostly stock is stacked on pallets, and still in large cartons… because they do not provide ‘free’ shopping bags, Bogans will take the cardboard box rubbish away from them and dispose of themselves… (meaning Aldi doesn’t have to pay for as much trash removal)
Aldi also charge $2.00 for a trolley, meaning that the Bogan MUST return the trolley, because $2.00 is too much to let go of… (meaning Aldi doesn’t have to employ trolley collectors, because they are ALWAYS returned)
Aldi has specifically designed packaging with barcodes on all sides of the product (sometimes included into the background imaging), and Aldi don’t pack your items into shopping bags, boxes, or trolleys… (meaning that Aldi employs less staff than a normal supermarket, and a faster checkout experience)
Aldi are cheaper for most day to day products (attracts bogans like a riot to a tyre shop)
Aldi know their market, and exploit it to their best ability… and as they are German based, they are ruthless, and care nothing for customer service…
If you want cheaper groceries, you go to Aldi and work for it… you might not be on the payroll, but you’ll be working for them and you don’t even know it…
Bravo Aldi, Bravo…
All of these things are true. But other supermarkets use Maggie Doyle on their ads, iconic branded goods that the bogan can prominently display in its hand/home, more upmarket decor, store-branded credit cards, and a much bigger advertising budget. Aldi is yet to convince most bogans that any price savings at Aldi outweigh the chance to shop like a celeb at Coles or Woolies. They need Max Markson. TBL
TBL is right. I was at Aldi and Coles this morning and Coles clearly has the bogue market right in its greedy little pockets. In addition to the points TBL have made above, Coles also offers Fly Buys, 2 for 1 deals, a durry counter and petrol vouchers. In my experience, bogans love this shit.
Point Taken…
Though, there are a lot of bogans shopping at Aldi all the same…
perhaps for different reasons…
(though I can see that it isn’t as x-treme or celeb filled as a coles/woolies)
There are a lot of bogans everywhere, Loftie.
I have adapted a classic poem to illustrate this point. I’m sure The People’s Poet won’t mind:
Bogans. All around.
Sometimes up. Sometimes down.
But always… around.
Bogan, are you coming to my town?
Or am I coming to yours?
I think I might get that poem tattooed…
The choice of supermarket is the perfect example of how the bogan gene-pool has split into distinct sub-species. Loftie, yes bogans shop at Aldi, the poorer old school type. Shirley M is also correct about bogans (the CUB -NaB type) loving Coles for the properly branded Tim Tams, Fly Buy Points (coz when ya spend enuff, ya get free shit and stuff!), ciggies and petrol vouchers.
I frequently shop at Aldi, and the most common sub-group of people I encounter there are immigrants. Like me, I think the cold, regimented, Germanic style of the supermarket appeals to them. I always feel like like it’s post-apocalyptic times when I shop there, and get the urge to stock up on staples such as soy milk. It’s kinda fun. 🙂
I don’t think Aldi is bogan. The aldi here is full of farmers doing the monthly shop, and quite nice people. The bogans (in Queanbeyan) are in Woolworths! Shocking, dreadful shop. And some are in Coles.
The bogans are everywhere.
You cannot escape.
I don’t think we have Aldi in WA, they don’t like our trading laws or they are worried that their curtains will fade or something.
What we do (did?) have is FAL. It is like that shop “Monstro Mart” on the Simpsons. Bogans go to FAL to buy 10kg cans of kidney beans and 8L tubs of mayo. You have to be a member – it is very exclusive.
Your life is just one joyfest huh Shirl. Or were you doing research?
Life IS research, Simon. Well… sex, drugs, rock’n’roll, and research.
hey, i work for that research team too ???!!!
Perhaps we’ll meet at a ‘conference’ some time.
Doesn’t everyone love Bunnings? The only thing that I don’t love about it is the smell. The products are flippin’ awesomesauce.
do you like the charity fundraiser sausage sizzles, Shirley? I have been involved with many – and they involve a 6 months+ waiting list for the reward. When at the helm, I’ve always kept the onions on – no matter how many I have cooked and ready, as people come from near and far because of the attractive odours…
Interestingly, this is also the place where I’ve encountered much boganity, such as “no, I want white bread! I’m allergic to wholemeal!”
I am always drawn in by the smell of the Bunnings sausage sizzle, but have learnt from experience that you can’t always judge a book by its cover.
I will concede, however, that I share my saturday afternoons at this most wonderful warehouse, with plentiful representatives of the bogan flock.
A friend of mine who is an Adelaide Bunnings staff member, recently joined the group:
“Proving customers wrong (Nothing better than proving a customer wrong, especially those who try to get cheap or free shit.)”
But he also joined my group “Inviting your friends to scam/spam groups advertises that you’re a MORON.”
(http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/group.php?gid=323609267834&ref=ts) so he mustn’t be all bad!
Delicious irony that bogues love bunnings despite the fact that 90% of the stuff is made by “slopes”.
The subtleties of things like Free Trade Agreements is beyond them.
As is irony.
Oh, Benny! Adoption really jumped out at me; I just learnt over the weekend that my 40 something aunt (never before mother) and her 50 something husband (father of one) plan to adopt a child from Asia who will be 7+ (as are the adoption conditions??). I had heard about this plan peviously and assumed that the child would be 3 at most. But 7! How dare anyone take a child from their country and subject them to parents who can’t communicate with them, bewilderment at a language they don’t know, a “culture” they may never understand and a peer group that may never welcome/accept.
Yes, many will consider ours a “better quality of life” but how can anyone be so sure? Will their be apologies later????
Great post – I’m just amazed that it took 111 to get to Zoo…
As the good old second-in-command of a warship, I used to organise magazine subscriptions (paid for out of our own money from the ship’s canteen etc) to keep the crew happy. I went round the officer’s mess and asked what subscriptions they would like so we could get delivered them at sea. Amongst the responses were, ‘Time, Fin Review, The Bulletin, Sports Illustrated etc’. I went down to the lower decks and got this response from one of the boys:
‘Oi Sir talkin’ to the boys, just order Zoo and Ralph or some shit. Awww can youse get Wheels or Top Gear as well? Thanks heaps Sir, I suppose Pent’ouse would be pushing the friendship though Sir hur hur!?!’
Yeah lads, I’m sure the female sailors would love a big pile of soft/hard porn to show up in their mess decks. That wouldn’t go down as bad as cot death or anything.
Surely the female sailors would have just laughed in pity at the pathetic coveting of such fodder?
Surely all the female sailors would be gutting the fuck out of the navy by now.
Too right. Ye gods, what a clusterflap.
pussers!
sheesh.
AJs are all class by comparison.
I did some writing for the Picture/People compendiums once. It was a lot of fun being given a blurry photo of some non-celebrity and a lead, then just making up stuff and using the word “fuck” a lot. You’d be surprised how difficult it actually is to write an article that appeals to social retards. Very challenging and a lot of fun. Doesn’t stop the actual magazines being piles of shit, though.
Is it peer reviewed?
oh god! this is hardcore
Chubby: You don’t give the female sailors enough credit, having them on ships keeps the male population sane as they actually behave themselves. In saying that, a lot of sailors are really smart people, one of my male sailors was a bio-molecular chemistry major, one had retired with millions and wanted to do ‘something’ different.
Unfortunately, like all jobs, there is always a bogan hiding under the surface!
Oddly, this is EXACTLY what I envisaged an employee of Zoo Weekly would look like!
http://www.news.com.au/technology/lads-mag-editor-blows-whistle-on-video-games/story-e6frfro0-1225850507467?from=public_js
Oh, Bogue, that is priceless.
Not only is Our Toby dipped in smarm, but he’s managed to use the word “journalist” in the same context as “Zoo Weekly”.
I expect he’ll soon pop up on Foreign Correspondent, covering burning issues like human trafficking, the corrupt military junta destroying Burma and “Empire: Total War (Gold Edition)”.
The thing that I hate most about Zoo Weekly is that bogans are happy to have a wank to some Lara Bingle image while the whole glorious world of internet pornography is out there.
You don’t even need internet porn. There’s plenty of attractive women in real life, images of which that a man with even a small amount of imagination can store in the wank bank.
Alas, Tone, my memory is well and truly up poop creek after half a life of marijuana usage.
Umm people have forgotten that Picture magazine was around way before Zoo weekly and it’s still the best selling men’s magazine in Australia!
With regular columns like ‘my best fuck’ ‘my worst fuck’ ‘my lezzo fuck’ ‘my public fuck’ and of course ‘Home Girls’ where every bogan chick is considered a princess wearing the cheapest dodgiest made somewhere were there is a booming tourist sex trade in Asia and with obligatory reference to her breasts as fun bags and grope holders and her genitals as ‘smoo’ amongst other terms how could you not ignore it!
Also they used to have ‘home blokes’ where every bogan dude would send in a pic of himself in the buff for the ladies and it was a huge hit with the bogan chicks, sadly they editors of Picture decided the mag was a mens one first and foremost and the lady bogans would have to go without!
Don’t forget the “premium” editions of Picture and People as well. Bigger, badder and pinker, used to be the claim to fame of one of the mags i think.
It seems the people of Zoo magazine really took in your criticism and they’ve gotten rid of the “threesome” and added a more “professional” team with a sexologist, model, etc I find it absolutely hilarious that they really took it in and trying to make their magazine “less boganish”
Yeh but everyone’s had a read at some point or other yeh, bogan or not 😉
I worked for ZOO for quite some time. We even got Double Downs DELIVERED prior to their unleashing on the cardiovasclar systems of bogans Australia-wide. We never mentioned either the Double Down or even KFC to my knowledge, which perhaps proves the bogan credentials of Yum!’s marketing team.
Anyhoo, I believe I have pointed out before TBL’s writing style has ‘economics gradute’ written all over it, and to that end you will perhaps appreciate the fact ZOO, launched not before the internet but somewhat before free porn wormed its way into the bogan subconscious, is put together by very talented people who are good enough at what they do to craft a product bogans will grasp at like a shiny thing to a retarded toddler. Week in, week out. Not unlike an accountant helping a boganette grasp why ‘interest free’ has a time limit and the related situation of her children having bowed legs from rickets and being released from her care.
You may ask: ‘Why don’t they work at National Geographic then if they’re so smart? Huh?’. Number one, everyone who read that read it in a bogan accent for a reason and number two, the best economist talent doesn’t always make it to Deloittes. Sometimes the worst do, and perch there like a gargoyle until alcoholism takes them out.
Ha, yes, agreed on pretty much all counts. TBL
Candidate??
I approve 😀