Perhaps the bogan’s obsession with attaining toys as a grown adult can be explained as an effort to address the lingering trauma of having been denied them as a child, or, conversely, as a direct result of having been given everything it cried, kicked and bit hard enough for. What’s certain is that when it developed from its larval state to its full-grown adult form, the bogan’s appetite for toys only got stronger and more reliant on the depletion of our planet’s petroleum resources.
Much like his anthropological forebears, one of the defining experiences for the nouveau bogan is being at the controls of a vehicle over 100 times more powerful than function strictly requires. But in comparison to the proto-bogan, satisfied with merely speeding his Falcon GT and possibly lighting ’em up within earshot of some bogan skirt, one of the modern bogan’s greatest achievements has been hugely expanding the options for satisfying his impulse to consume genocidal quantities of fossil fuels. Power boats, dirt bikes, four wheelers, go-karts, dune buggies, generators, asphalters, bobcats, bonfires – the rule is, if you can put petrol in it, the new bogan loves it, will get it on credit and disregard all operational manuals in effecting its prompt destruction.
While his father may have gotten his bogan on by leaving a beach strewn with empty tinnies and Winfield butts, and pissing in clear sight of nearby families, today’s bogan takes beach-based obnoxiousness to new levels with the introduction of the jet ski. Not only can today’s bogan show off his appalling trailer-reversing technique (extra bogan points if a petrol-powered device comes with its own trailer,) but upon firing it up, he can shower those nearby with oil-smeared water and black smoke, and crucially, emit a noise so obscenely loud it aurally bludgeons the entire coastline into a hasty retreat. Thus he achieves the holy trinity of bogan – air pollution, water pollution and sound pollution. In this heightened state, our subject utilises the rest of the afternoon exhibiting his proficiency for bogans’ enduring contribution to motorsport – the doughnut – upon the novel canvas of water.
Things Bogans Like 
Perhaps in Vic. or other states, here its wogs that have the jet ski. Primarily because they can’t ride motorcycles of any variation.
that sounds like something a bogan would say
“Wogs” with jetskis are just another subclass of bogan. There’s hardly any difference in outlook and lifestyle between Bankstown bogans and North Shore Anglo bogan (Sydney), though they generally can’t stand eachother (“Lebs” and “Anglos”). The Cronulla Riots were a bogan turf-tussle.
He he. sounds like you guys have visited Moreton Bay in QLD.
Moreton Bay is bogan mecca! There’s so much water on which to perform endless jetski donuts, burn around in ‘tinnies, rape the ocean for fish, crash into dugongs, terrify dolphins and strut around shirtless, smoking, urinating, fishing and camping on the various bay islands. Noice eh!
I saw a classic bogan moment yesterday. Walking down to the local grocer, when at the lights a big black fully sick falcon was revving. They were doing the usual bogan thing that is done while in a falcon… drinking beer, and yelling at passers by. Then the light went green, it took off, in a puff of smoke, made a bad noise, then slowed to a stop on the other side of the intersection. The local pedestrians laughed a bit and kept walking. Late last night, the late model falcon was still there, hod up, bogans not looking happy.
What is up with bogans yelling from their cars at unsuspecting pedestrians? Usually with the stupid taunt of ‘faggot’.
Of course if your walking down the street minding you’re own business and some idiot starts yelling at you unexpectedly, you’re going to look up and look a bit dismayed, fuckwits! And given the pedestrian’s response, the bogan doing the drive-by yelling is so proud of himself, as if he has invented the funniest form of humour.
I don’t know, but what is it with people passing themselves off as not being bogans when they can’t even use apostrophes properly?
Just for future reference, the apostrophe in “you’re” is used to replace the “a” in you are.
ooh, Trippytaka old mate…back again with some rubbish. It is widely accepted that Trolls who randomly pick out punctuation and spelling errors a) are bogans, b) are retards with nothing better to add and c) should get back to beating up their wives and touching up their kids before they all leave.
Cheers Sam.
Poor Dippy. Your command of English language and patronising manner are doing things to me. Perhaps we could catch up for a coffee – is there one near the comic book store you frequent?
But alas, you must have a long list of admirers and I would have to wait my turn. As everyone knows, nothing is as sexy as a grammar Nazi wielding his prowess around on a blog site.
Thanks for that Dippy. I noticed that just as I hit ‘submit’, but what can you do? Don’t worry about the sentiment of my message, just focus on the detail.
Sorry, but it’s impossible to take someone seriously when they don’t use grammar properly. Education was the one thing that, traditionally, set high-society apart from the masses. Today, correct spelling and grammar are still considered imperative in business reports, presentations, legal documents etc.
I’ll award you a gold star for the sentiment of the message. I just don’t like having to hack through layers of mistakes to have to find it.
It is a very annoying trait. How about when they drive past a golf course and yell “FORE” or past a cricket ground…”HOWZAAAT”. Bogans should have their cars confiscated and crushed if caught doing this once.
I think the only thing more obnoxiously noisy and disruptive than a jet skis is those bloody dirt bikes.
Who the hell made those thing road-legal??
Anyone who lives in a street or even a neighbourhood with a bogan riding one of those things around know that dirt bikes make possibly the most abrasive sound you’ve ever heard. Not to mention leaving a cloud of smoke behind it so thick Superman couldn’t see through it.
Most of them aren’t road legal! They need to be registered (with lights, turn signals, number plate on display etc) to go anywhere outside of private property. That includes crown land and fire trails etc. They also need a motorcycle license and need to meet any P plate power to weight rules. If they are road registered they need to meet the ADRs which include meeting noise and emmission levels. The “piggers” come down on them hard and usually give out the unlicensed, unregistered and uninsured trifector.
SB
I also forgot to mention that every second dirt bike is stolen usually the unsuspecting bogan doesn’t know due to his inability to do a REVS check. That adds receiving stolen property to their rap sheet!
Dirt bikes are a form of currency for bogans. Can’t afford to pay your tab with your dealer? Give him the keys (or screwdriver as it may be) for your totally not stolen traily.
Another major bogan pastime- Pullin’ Stuff!- helps increase your recreational petrol consumption. Why go on holidays without your boat or your caravan, and preferably with both. But don’t forget to show you pretend to care about the environment and your health by strapping your bikes to the back. What bogan seniors like should be explored soon
while this is funny and for the most part spot on, i think your goin to hard on people just making a living people need to use bobcats and machinery to work on a daily basis its not ideal but what can ya do ….
Using those machines for work is one thing, for play another. Quad bikes as senior ‘extreme’ sport? Having a bobcat in the shed because you’ve always wanted one? As for frickin’ trail bikes on public roads, my weekends are spent wondering if a twelve year old is gonna come hurtling around the corner at 60k in the middle of the dirt road. Do bogans like organ donation?
Do you personally know anyone who has a bobcat simply because they just wanted one?
If a “dirtbike” is genuinely registered and road worthy, why does it upset you that people have chosen this as a mode of transport?
Because the person riding it on the road is actually twelve, I wasn’t being hyperbolic
OK pardon me!
This site has given me faith in humanity. It’s almost therapeutic. Thank you.
Please do a post on the hilarity that is bogan weddings. The barefoot, white linen look on the beach even though the couple would not know one end of a surfboard from the other and probably swim in seawater once a year; the reception/ceremony with a ‘creative, quirky’ but totally irrelevant twist that is done for the sake of proving ‘individuality’; cultural/religious appropriation for a day… I could go on forever but I’ll leave it to your brilliant minds…
Please also post on bogans living/working in London… the Aussie flag, Walkabout pubs, breaking out into emotional, drunken renditions of Waltzing Matilda in Trafalgar Square, watching them try to explain the ‘Australian way’ as though its an enlightened way of living to fellow workers at the bar (pub that is) from Eastern Europe and South Africa (who don’t actually give a shit)…
There’s definitely a lot of scope to take a look at the strange event that is the bogan wedding. We’ve been working on some ideas, and you can expect to see it soon!
Our own vows! So much hokum! Home-made poems, or quotes from inspirational figures- Dalai Lama, Nelson Mandela, Warnie etc. All much more persistent than the bad hair, fashion accidents.
Looking forward to the bogan wedding post. Just remember, no bogan wedding is complete without a Stretch Hummer, preferably in pink.
Black suit, black shirt, black tie, black sunnies.
Also appropriate for the judiciary or court appearances.
The mandatory photograph of the groom and his 36 groomsmen in tuxedos and those fake Raybans you get at service stations, all clutching a can of beer.
They surely do like things. Bogan things. Driving so fast in their flashy stunt hot rod that they become the “first” thing.
Yesterday, I was driving home back to Melbourne from Shepparton. As I left the township, I witnessed an altercation between a ute bogan and your average every day single mum bogan unfold at the petrol station. As I was entering the petrol station, the ute bogan took off at high speed pulling the petrol hose from the bowser and literally pulling the bowser out of the ground. As it toppled over, fuel was spilling everywhere forcing the single mum bogan to waddle to safety.
Write that out as a scene, and you have a future in the film industry. Either of them smoking?
The fully sick Malibu with the huge steel rack that everyone can see but no-one can drive, the beefed up Seadoo or 3 that are made for the ocean but ya use on rivers coz no-one can see ya in the ocean, the wykked wakeboard that no-one can use and the kitted out caravan that ya can’t put up so ya can take up to ‘Chuca while sinking tinnies by the Murray while watching ya 14 yr old skank daughter Taylahh chattin up some braindead punks………………………………choice
That’s it right there. Who doesn’t want to live like that??
A topic related to both ‘petrol consumption’ and bogan weddings… the ‘Hummer limo’. Classy, efficient and (critically) over 100 times more powerful than function strictly requires…
Do you live in Albury Wodonga by any chance?
I’ve seen that monstrousity around here. Always give me a chuckle.
I think Mike knows alittle to much about the bogan way,he must be a troll
Pleased as punch is easily pleased
Dont know about the rest of you lot but we have the young wankers in “mini trucks”, usually mid-nineties model hilux and rodeo utes that have been chopped up and fitted with airbag suspension,
You can go to cronulla on a nice sunny day and usually find at least one SS ute with a dirt bike and a staffy on the back just cruising around,
the malibu wakeboarding boats are a popular one as are H3 Hummers.
Go to any public primary school at 3pm and count endless Cayenne’s, RX330’s and BMW X5’s.
“…so obscenely loud it aurally bludgeons the entire coastline into a hasty retreat.”
damn i like this line! an excellent choice of words there
Two words: pocket bikes.
on the topic of the bogan wedding, the guests of honor at a celebrity bogan wedding are the “journalist” aka creative writer and photographer from favourite bogan literature publications such as Womans Day and NW…please refer to Kyle Sandipants wedding (they sat on thrones wearing crowns) and any other one-time reality TV contestant trying to stretch their 15 minutes.
someone fetch me a bucket!
I would speculate that bogans on their petrol driven water rockets need red dye #3 to mark the slick in just such a way as to be able to lead other bogans to the next most exciting thing to buy, rent, or sell?
Oh no, fear the educated bogan! They’re taking over!
If not a little prejudice, this post is bordering on offensive, as well as most of the comments, due to intolerance or ignorance. Most of you are likely guilty of driving around your stupid VW Golfs or Pooguets, or being a tight arse to the waitress at some fancy cafe over something pathetic while you glance at her arse as she walks off in disgust and you sit there thinking your shit doesn’t stink.
Not ever really having tried what it feels like to sit behind something with 100x more power than necessary, you behave like you know better.
I’m a 4X4 owner. I admit, I’m probably one of the few who use it for what it was made for. I get better mileage then my previous van, my tyres are made to last, and I run on diesel. Therefor I’m better on the environment than your shitty yuppy cars that fall apart when they hit a bump, wioth engines that don’t last and make me puke when I smell your unleaded exhaust fumes choking up the city every time I visit. Oh and you just can’t hear your motor rev it’s guts out because it’s fitted with a quiet exhaust system, but believe me, the bogans aren’t accelerating much more than most of you from what I’ve seen.
Now I’m not condoning hoons or serial polluters from any walk of life, but I will condone actions taken by people to heighten their sense of self, and express themselves by means that give them joy in a general safe manner. If a bogan wants to get married on the beach, don’t worry, the ocean tide will sterilize it afterwards. If some people at the beach get the shits due to noise from some yuppie bogan jet ski, well so what. Enjoy what you can while you’re there, better luck next time. There’s not a lot of places suitable for jet ski recreation, perhaps you’ve picked the wrong beach.
Bogans have a right to enjoy themselves the way they want to, short of causing pain or danger to others. And this really goes for all types of people. If more people had a little more tolerance and respect, maybe we wouldn’t need bitching blogs, and maybe the bogans wouldn’t make us feel so intimidated.
You sound like those overzealous mac users.
Nick,
We should all realise that bogans don’t do irony or sarcasm, in fact a sense of humor is not required. You have issues my man. Leave us to abusing the general population and feeling superior. It works for us just like driving a stinking 4wd works for you.
Nick, I am one of ‘these types’ and my shit stinks horrendously. I’m not sure if it’s all the Fois Gras I’m eating, all the Grange I’m drinking or the fact I’m inhaling some strange fumes from my Prius, but it sure does have an air of self righteousness about it. Oh, and that waitress you mentioned, I f*cked her.
Labelling people as bogans and picking on them is merely another form of elitism.
And so I’m elitist when I say that I don’t like bogans. I don’t, but I don’t much like anyone, including myself, so fuck it. And fuck bogans and fuck YOU.
I’m not elitist.
I hate everyone equally
Champagne bogan statement, right there. Sorry, I meant ‘shampers’ or ‘sham-pag-nee’..
Geez Nick, way to ruin a good joke. Next time you give advice to everyone, maybe include a line about having a sense of humour! I love this blog because it makes me laugh at Australia and at myself (while not full bogan I believe I may be half-caste bogan). And my bogan half says “Get a sense of humour up ya!”
Its all good Nick, calm down mate.
Great rant Nick, I love it when people fire up a bit.
“If some people at the beach get the shits due to noise from some yuppie bogan jet ski, well so what. Enjoy what you can while you’re there, better luck next time.”
Hilarious. That’s not even Boganity, it’s just fucked. I bet you’re a 5am Saturday leaf-blower merchant.
Haha ha ha ha haaaaaaaaaa!
If I enjoy driving my Porsche 996 Turbo – does that make me a bogan?
Yep, in exactly the same way I enjoy driving my blown V8 Valiant……
We Rock!!!
I love the fact that the bogan is being pinned for the depletion of the planet’s “petroleum” resources. Damn if we bogans had known that petroleum came straight out of the ground and didn’t need to be refined from oil, we’d have been drilling holes everywhere trying to find it.
I love this entry, solely because it’s supported so well with facts and stats. After reading it, there is no doubt in my mind that it’s a bogan activity to burn through fossil fuels for recreational purposes.
Obviously I was wrong to take into account the hundreds/thousands of litres of diesel burned on a trip around the harbour, in the luxury of a 90-150ft boat. Out goes the mass of carbon emmitted into the atmosphere every time someone flies their family overseas for a skiing trip. Geez, I must also be wrong about the excessive consumption of supercars and luxury cars. Never mind that groups in higher socio-economic groups are more liely to have their pristine gardens tended to by “help” that uses motorised equipment like ride-on mowers, hedge trimmers etc.
It’s OK, the readers and customers of trippytaka.com.au are actually quite proud of being bogans. Hey, considering a 1968 Monaro, or 1971 Falcon GT now costs half a million dollars, it’s GREAT to be a bogan.
Good post Trippy. Ill have a proper look through your site after………. a little upset to see wenkel coasters before a valiant shirt though! Make an E49 shirt mate, do it do it!
Haha, cheers. I do apologise for the omission of the E49… it’ll be there soon though.
How about going way back, EH S4, HD & R X2, XR GT oh I could go on and on!
Definitely. The list is endless… an XU-1, Charger and XA-XC GT are planned too. We bogans know how to wear our favourite machinery on our chest.
So many bogan things I need to do tonight… but just can’t get off the couch in the front lawn. While I’m here, I’d like to see if any of the supporters of this post are able to argue against my points… you know, the ones about the upper classes burning more fossil fuels during their down time.
I’d love a counter against the plane travel point. I’m sure all the supporters of this blog will be much better read than I am, on the suject of carbon emissions etc.
Endless indeed, landau coupe (try even finding one of these), C x C hardtop, XB John Goss, various pacers, XP coupe, SS, A9X and SLR Torana’s (geez, I’m getting all flustered!)
There is a local XT coupe that I occasionally see sleazing around, canadian import yes but factory RH drive none the less.
Oh no, the bogan in me forgot to use my web-pseudonym. I’m exposed for the world to see. Oh well… time to step past all the motorised toys and get out of that bogan closet. Oh look, my old thongs!
Trippytaka, the problem with the rapid rise of the Bogan is a similar one to the rise of China/India out of poverty.
The rich snobs (Western Countries) were a minority and were pretty much doing whatever pleased them without any consequences. Now we have a rise of the uneducated, stupid bogans (China/India) wasting all of our precious resources and polluting our roads and rivers (planet)…it is an outrage!
OK, so the poor countries copying what we have done since the industrial revolution makes them bogans? But they are doing what we do… so wouldn’t that, in turn make us “rich westerners” bogans? And since when does the size of your wallet dictate boganism? I have known poor people with more class in their little fingers than their “well-heeled” counterparts.
While I’m here, the idea that a Chinese or Indian can be labelled bogan is laughable. A bogan, by definition, is Australian. The American equivalent is a hillbilly, or redneck… an English bogan is a Chav, and so on and so forth.
One last thing. Exactly how does someone, bogan or otherwise, “pollute our roads”?
Holy trinity! Nice one
And lets not forget the appropriately named ‘Monkey Bikes’. For the lil’ Bogans.
I Really have realised in the past 10 minutes reading this 1 page of comments that I AM GLADLY A BOGAN atleast i have fun and takes risks that are rewarding in my life and dont sit there and have a cry about it. If you dont like bogans then move away go build your own little No Bogans Allowed town but wait you cant cause not one of you could do 3 months of real mens work. The world would run out of hand cream to keep your hands from getting blisters or calicus and if a jet ski ruined your day in morten bay there is a chance it was me and im proud of it your parents should have wiped you bewteen the sheets or used a better form of birth control. keep having your cry over nothing and now im gonna ride my dirt bike harder and make it scream all that louder when i past all your houses that i get to over charge you when i build them and there is only 1 thing that screams harder them my dirt bike when i ride it and its your daughters
Once more, please.
In English this time.
TJ *snickers @ Nickname*
Please feel free to use these at will:
……..
and
,,,,,,,,
oh I almost forgot
”””””
Adski
PS nice insults, pure bogan 🙂
The north west coast of Perth seems to be very notorious for cashed up bogans yelling and throwing half drunken Beam and Woodstock cans at pedestrians while driving through main roads during the night in their souped up HSVs and Monaros etc.
Interesting thing is that I live with my parents in one of the most lowest socioeconomic parts of Perth and as a pedestrian I have yet to encounter any of this stuff in my area.
[…] No, rather than a climate change denier, the bogan is simply a change denier. And this presents a conundrum. It wishes to be seen as a worldly and considerate environmentalist, but also feels a primal urge to vigorously deny any proposal, environmental or otherwise, that requires it to alter its lifestyle in any way, shape or form. As such, the bogan’s opposition to a substantial carbon reduction plan is rooted not in climate change skepticism, but in the desire to protect the ‘Australian dream’ – those basic constitutional rights without which the continent might as well be flooded by melting polar ice caps and rickety boats full of poor people. These constitutional privileges include the right to own a thin-walled McMansion and artificially control its temperature to 18 degrees in summer and 28 degrees in winter, the right to low-cost, high-speed private transport, and the right to consume petrol as recreation. […]
ok, i’m love it 🙂
[…] No, rather than a climate change denier, the bogan is simply a change denier. And this presents a conundrum. It wishes to be seen as a worldly and considerate environmentalist, but also feels a primal urge to vigorously deny any proposal, environmental or otherwise, that requires it to alter its lifestyle in any way, shape or form. As such, the bogan’s opposition to a substantial carbon reduction plan is rooted not in climate change skepticism, but in the desire to protect the ‘Australian dream’ – those basic constitutional rights without which the continent might as well be flooded by melting polar ice caps and rickety boats full of poor people. These constitutional privileges include the right to own a thin-walled McMansion and artificially control its temperature to 18 degrees in summer and 28 degrees in winter, the right to low-cost, high-speed private transport, and the right to consume petrol as recreation. […]
Bad one this one?
Would you refer it if we all drove cancer inducing dangerous shoebox Toyota Prius’?
Is the only alternative to a v8 a hybrid? Sounds like lazy over-simplification as an excuse to do nothing. TBL
Well what is wrong with a V8 in the first place?
Part of Aus culture, and with fuel inexpensive here and the consumption and emmissions better on them, no reason to ban them.
Ah yes.
We aren’t even safe over here in the middle east (as in United Arab Emirates, not Byron Bay).
The V8 supercars are on their way to Yas Marina Circuit. The press is going nuts for such refined racing. In response, Aussie bogan expats are lining up, Australian Flag capes at the ready, for their tickets.
All of them no doubt wishing that the liquor laws would allow them to bring at least one esky with them, and that the local Volvo dealer would provide one of their vehicles for a sacrificial burning – so it can be just like Bathurst.
I can smell the reef oil now….
It seems to be a “capacity” issue. The “bigger” your powerplant, the more kudos you attract, and, if you have the added “must have” of a turbocharger, well you are just about home and dry! For instance, our “favourite vehicle” has a Mitsubishi 6D16 6.5 turbo engine – sounds great (to those who crave “extreme”), however maybe not so performancey since this is a BUS engine and propels our mobile home (VERY efficiently too we may add…). I note Garret do a twin turbo modification – not sure of the utility, but if we WERE to fit this we could add the ever-so-essential “BiTurbo” or maybe “Twin-Turbo” logo on the back, to go with say, a “6.5” or maybe “6500” logo denoting “awesome capacity”.
Incidentally, before you all label us as fuel-wasting bogans, we actually LIVE in the Bus FULL TIME, and are working our way around Oz in a fairly leisurely fashion!!
Petrol Consumption as Recreation is more of an aboriginal thing than bogan.
Yessir Captain Bogan