Years of watching Today/Tonight and A Current Affair and reading News Limited have taught the bogan that it is not to blame for anything. The introduction of a kaleidoscope of alternative scapegoats for the faults and failings of bogan society – foreigners, children, foreigners’ children – have placed the bogan in a warm, soothing cocoon of impenetrable security. Their child’s illness is an allergy. Their resulting behaviour is a disease treatable by anti-psychotics. Job loss is the result of cheap migrant labour. There is no action the bogan can take that will result in negative consequences or blame for the bogan. Chlamydia has no symptoms.
Akin to Max Markson, who saw the bogan need to be famous and monetised it, like coke saw the bogan need for massive cans and monetised it, Slater and Gordon realised – well before most – the bogan desire for x-treme lawyering. As has previously been discussed on TBL, the bogan lives life to the maxtreme. But when something fucks up, it wants justice; the mega justice that comes from a legal system to the power of maximum times awesome. Should a bogan slip on a puddle of spilt detergent at the supermarket as the pimply 16 year-old fetches a mop, the supermarket faces x-treme bogan legal retribution. Should a bogan forget how to properly operate its jet ski and does its back, water speed regulations are at fault. Should a bogan fail at a glassing attempt and get hurt, their assailant is a heinous criminal who deserves righteous dispensation of legal vengeance forthwith. And when it happens, Slater and Gordon provide the mega justice.
Even better, they do it for nothing.
Just like Harvey Norman and their ilk realised that if the bogan has nothing to pay up front, they will walk out of any store with an inordinate amount of televisual and refrigeration equipment they do not need, Slater and Gordon’s epiphany was that offered free legal advice, the bogan will sue anyone for anything, at anytime. The bogan only pays legal fees if they win their case.
So, despite the bogan’s firm belief that several years of watching Law & Order have prepared it for the rigours of the Australian courtroom, S&G are there to represent it. The bogan hates rules and laws, but is not aware that the existence of many of the rules it hates most is a direct result of its own reckless behaviour. S&G are aware.
Things Bogans Like 
LOL. They were foolish enough to go up against my legal team once. As expected, your beloved Fiona came out on top.
Slater & Gordon is where you end up if you went to a regional university and barely passed.
Either there or Maurice Cashman Blackburn (or whatever they’re called these days)
LOL. Absolutely. I can’t believe the lesser universities are now able to offer law degrees. Oh well, no one will give them a job anyway.
Fi, why would a bogue and their x-treme legal team have any reason to take action against you? Was it Loftie trying to ease the restraining order?
LOL. Because, silly, something happened that “was not their fault”. The judge, of course, did not see it that way. Another win for your beloved Fiona.
Fiona, when you say “your legal team”, do you mean to say that you’re a lawyer?
In that case I miss your absence in the “bill of rights” debate a few weeks ago.
LOL. Of course not. If I had to work, it wouldn’t be in a trade. My higher degree is in the Classics, my undergrad in something far different (and no, not law).
of couse Fiona,
They accused you of not having that ” higher degree in classics”…*
Speaking of universities, TBL should consider covering 1st (and only) year of university as things bogans like. They tend to party non-stop and shirk any form of studying/research and pull out before the end of their 1st semester (or year).
Possession of special knowledge comes with a professional obligation for it to be shared. And yes, graduates outside the Go8 universities get jobs. You obviously learned nothing at yours.
LOL. When I said lesser universities, I was including the Go8.
Because that makes sense…include the top 8 universities in Australia in your highly dubious category “lesser universities”.
Miss Muphet ,
Notice how they all Govvernment universities?
None of the Private Enterprise Places good enough for a mention.
Giggle giggle burp, sipp of martinus
James, from the way you structured that response im surprised that you know what a university is.
Either way, seeing as how there is the grand total of 1 private university in Australia (Bond), it’s no surprise that the G08 are all public.
Miss M,
Do not blame the martinusit is the Metho chasers that get to one. Also it is sometime unwise to rely on the casual construct to infer either the intelligence or world experiences of the writer.
I do realise that we have only one private university but if you read Bond’s Vision statement and in the light of the many comments recent in days on this site of the benifits of a free market economy then you would not be suprised at my amazement at the non inclusion of Bond.
Ask Pete what I mean if you can’t savey it.
Bond is ridiculous – way more money than sense for many students there…
Our “prestigious” (rubbish) local paper, The Gold Coast Bulletin, reported last year that Bond Uni students were experiencing difficulties concentrating during exams with all of their electronic gadgets beeping and chirping from their bags in the backs of exam rooms. Their genius solution? PAY someone to mind their phones etc. in another room.
Brilliant!
I don’t think anyone even thought of the off/silent buttons…
LOL, Fi (if I may abbreviate you thusly). But a disagreeable trip five miles in any direction from Toorak will show you many a suburban/regional main street literally awash with the lesser universities’ graduate (just) by-blows, in (semi-)gainful employment.
Hey! How did I get all the way down here?
Fa’an ca’ans.
Actually Tubesteak, I worked for a top tier law firm and we had a lawyer leave for S&G, and top tiers only take the best so I guess they’re not all duds at S&G..
Tubesteak, not sure where you get your info from, Slaters has actually had numerous supreme court prize winners and supreme court judges work there – not to mention our latest PM. They also spanked Arthur Robs in the Ok Tedi case.
Infer what you’d like from that.
Do you prefer to come on top, Fiona?
Muzz,
Real Ladies always like to come on top.
and come first.
naturally.
remember
anything you raise they will cover you.
Hah hah
double sipp of martinus.
First comment, I rule!!!
Normally we delete comments that do that. But you deserve ridicule. TBL
“Howls of derisive laughter Bruce!”
child.
Are you implying people commonly get stiffies over being first, TBL?!
Not too often. We tend to attract few idiots. We keep our trolls close. TBL
Shirl,
we all know real men come last.
LOL @ TBL
LOL. Plus I was first. And thus deserve praise.
“Howls of derisive laughter Bruce!”
child.
Fi,
that’s OK your a woman,
working the blue a little early aren’t we james?
Looks like TBL is freely dispensing the honour (I use the term loosely) of commenting on posts today. Was it the boganator who crowed about in some previous post? Thus is he/she no longer the special one?!
I suspect you are right…
my my,
his mantle will be getting crowded.
Damit!!!
First!
Also, shouldnt this be renamed to ‘no win no fee’ instead of specifically slater and gordon? theres plenty of big no win no fee places. Maybe they are just too iconic?
What the fuck’s wrong with you people today? TBL
I just got excited at being the first, which I wasnt.
Being first would of been xxtreme. Sorree ❤
“Would of”?
“Soree”?
Good grief man. Flee now!
lol you misquoted me
mockery fail
cm, is that you?
Benji,
Couldn’t be ’cause you understood the message.
LOL. Clearly fake. Not Toorak material by a long shot.
…and what’s up with the Profanity Misters?
Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
if I was to pop up here and tell someone I wanted to #### them in the #### and then #### the wound with my ####, I’d be in moderation for two hours.
Oooh – a game of blanketty blanks. Come on folks – who is going first?
I agree it should be renamed No Win No Fee
Sorry TBL, I believe some of this may be the result of our little experiment yesterday – posting a link to the Hey Hey article on the Hey Hey Facebook fan page. It was sure to attract as many dick heads as it was going to offend…
AlyssaKt
The essence of offending is to offend all parties equally
Of course Slater and Gordon’s most famous product is Julia Gillard, the next Prime Minister of this proud bogan land. Make of that what you will …
yay!
go chicks!
Next TBL topic – “Serial Web Forum Poster/Posers”?
Of course not.
oh I dunno,
I only do this for attention anyway…
Chubby,
Thats OK, eyeryone has tobe good at something ? at attention getting you excell !
One of the best yet. Defined the Bogan’s thought processes to a tee.
The opening paragraph was amazing.
mad chops eh?
envious much?
yeah..
me too.
Yes, truly spot-on today TBL. So many references to previous posts is a good thing too and leads me to think that a book could be close to being written. Any chance there could be one under the christmas tree this year?
The structure of this post leads me to think that there is a freakonomics-style text waiting to be published (where every topic can be referenced in the following topic and continue until the final climactic chapter where they all piece together like a tarantino film).
The grand finale: where every cunt gets glassed
Yep and Chubby and I out the front with a 243 and 6X scope incase any try to get away
tango down!
“Their resulting behaviour is a disease treatable by anti-psychotics.” Too specific – should just be “Their behaviour…”
TBL
…the rest of us are still thinking about it.
I haven’t been into a slater and gordon personally,
but I imagine theres a lot of leather and chrome.
and some really fantastic ties.
I wonder though…
I suspect a large slice of the lawyerage are massively bogan, and given that they at least were able to demonstrate the wit to pass a law degree (no simple trick) they probably know they’re bogan and just don’t give a f*ck which, again is a seriously bogan attitude. The self aware lawyer bogan is the most dangerous animal on the planet.
did the young Packer do law?
serious punctuation issues.
like when you put the espresso machine back together, you have all these extra bits.
these came from my last post: , , ? ` ω .
I remember reading a news article ( I think it was about a book released last year ) that Kerry Packer wouldn’t let Jamie go to university as he didn’t want him getting lefty ideas. A friend of Jamie’s was quoted in the article as saying that had Jamie had university training he would have been capable of making better business decisions and this could of prevented the collaspe of One – Tel.
“Chybby’
“a lot of leather and chrome and some fantastic ties”
Sounds like a BDSM hange out to me??
Ahhh. A spectacular con.
The only winners here are the lawyers. Sure it is no win-no fee, but if there is a win, then the lawyer will take a huge percentage of the bogan’s maxtreme compensation, leaving the bogan hero with suprisingly little.
And where insurance claims are involved (by the loser) we all end up paying.
Having said all that, there are occasions where this kind of lawyering can help people who otherwise wouldn’t have the resources to fight a more moneyed person or group (eg a corporation) when they have been the victim of injustice.
A wee factoid – while in the UK I visited a hospital which had a compensation lawyer’s on site! I guess they figured out where all the ambulances were going, and set up shop where they wouldn’t have to chase them anymore.
Wow. I’m an idiot. Ignore the second paragraph; it’s simply wrong.Oy!
I’ll shut up now.
Benji,
Not all wrong,
I agree there is a place for the Slaters and Gordons of the world.
How else do ordinary people take on the likes of Pfizer over the heart attacks and strokes that Vioxx caused?
Erin Brockevitch is now a shill for one of these firms now isn’t she?
Yeah, that is pretty illegal in Australia…
It’s actually illegal in this country (in Victoria, at least, and I think the other states do have similar legislation) for lawyers to take a percentage of any winnings (see the Legal Profession Act 2004 (VIC) if you’re interested and/or bored). We can charge a 25% uplift fee if we take a case on spec, but that’s as far as it goes. They can take a percentage of any awarded compo in the USA, which is probably why you were under the impression that it was a-OK.
In general, though, you’re right that the only winners are the lawyers. Litigation is so pricey that in the end we’re the only ones that come out on top. It’s something you actually try to warn clients of as part of your duty to the client, but they often don’t want to listen.
Thanks for the added info. (I’d spotted most of this online after posting, hence the retraction above).
I’m clearly guilty of something elase bogans like – misapplying Americanisms to Australian situations (Bill of rights and free speech being the most common form of this).
I’ll go stand in the corner.
Tee-hee.
Most people without law degrees tend to assume we have constitutional rights here. Nuh-uh.
LOL. Only people who obtained their law degree from one of the lesser universities.
Deb, Once upon a time in a former work iteration in Queensland I developed a money modelling system for compo victims (can’t go into too much detail without revealing too much secret stuff). One of the test cases was a young lad who was in a car accident and received about $7k. Trilby Misso took a small cut of about $5,500. From what I’ve heard too, they only take cases they’re 90% assured of winning, so if you’ve got a questionable/technical case they’ll tell you to piss off.
S & G and Trilby and Misso et.al. exist because bogans actually believe that justice will be served. I suspect they have formed this opinion from watching too much telly and that. And by their ‘it’s never my fault’ logic, justice being served means, of course, that they will win, even though they’ve hired a cheeseburger lawyer.
I’d question if the bogue even goes that deep.
the last major compensation recipient I met seemed to think it was all kinda OK. He lost his left leg at the knee but got a delfin house and a new commodore for it.
after the lawyers took their bit.
He had this “mambo” decorated artificial leg. old school tatt stlye.
think ed hardy.
Well, on the hugely plus side, when showing people his house he can tell them that it cost him a leg.
Haha – you went out on a limb with that one!
I couldn’t see how it could cause any ‘arm.
LOL. Did it come with a Grand Hopping Area?
Compo gave him a leg up in life
If only he had no arms he’d be armless enough?
Was it an accident in the army?
no but he was an ex soldier!
good call.
The compo bought him enough woodies to get completely legless
He did when he was legless at Bathurst!
Cheap tragedy.
If only he had three eyes and was hitchhiking.
“eye eye eye, you look armless hop in”
Hee Hee!
Laboured but worth it.
Does it mean he can no longer get his leg over?
You woodn’t believe it.
…and we’re all going to hell again.
SLAG, as I believe they’re referred to in the business…
What is it with bogues and their need to take on the worst of US culture, (Ed Hardy – wtf?), CSI everything, celeb perving, and mega litigation for spilling hot coffee on yourself?
Personally, I don’t mind a company specifically designed to hoover loot out of your hard-done-by bogue. But what Judge is sitting there saying ‘yup, here’s $200k, clearly McDonald’s is at fault for the purchasing decisions of it’s clientèle and that’s why Damo is fat n dead at 48 of a heart attack? Leaving Cherise with 4 fat n nearly dead kids. With ADD.
Hello!
their need to take on the worst of US culture
add Nationalism!
that flag waving F#CK YEAH! kind.
SlaG at the forefront of our soon to be imported “free (hate) speech” movement.
…and petrol-hoovering V8 big-as-fuck cars.
Chubby,
A bit of nationalism is not a bad thing if it helps us fight the : social imperialism of the USA
Nationalism is always a bad thing. It won’t help us fight social imperialism of the USA, it will only bring us more in line with it.
We were much cooler when we were blase.
Shirl,
With out nationalism we do not have a country
with out nationalism within a very short time This Place ( the patch of dirt wew call Australia) will be full to overflowing with Iraquis, afganis SiriLankans Sudanese et al, all with their own set of battels to fight on the soil of this place.
If that ever happens my guess is you would be at the head of the que wanting to leave. ‘Cept Id be there in front of you !
you just turned XXXtreme bogan, JH
AlyssaKT,
On this particular matter, I think realist is more accurate.
Either you like Australia in which case you would want to preserve it or you dont and dont.
[Either you] Love it or Leave it!
My family came here. As did yours. It seems funny to say no one else can come when it suits us.
I do hope that immigration laws prevent people coming who only become burdens on our systems without any skill or intention to work.
Your refugees mentioned are such a small percentage compared to the influx of other immigrants. Even smaller still is the percentage of ‘boat people’. Stop believing all the hype.
AlyssaKT,
All lovely touchy feely sentiments and with more then a grain of truth.
However:
If we had no restrictions at all then the trickle of boat people would truly become a flood and if you do not see or believe that then it is you not I with the problem.The same reasons that drove you to these shores and my grandparents apply no to these boat people.
Diference is from Russia or Scotland there were no people smugglers with a wooden boat to take you to Australia.
Australias problems are a mirror of the problems the French and Italians have with Algerians. and the free border type issue , well the results can be seen in Holland today.
Oh I’ve never said we shouldn’t protect our border. Interestingly though, there are 10 times as many people arriving by plane who outstay their holiday visas illegally – but we don’t talk about them…
Here’s a rather thoughtful take on Nationalism:
Stay with it. Sometimes it’s just a matter of perspective. And we, as non-bogues, should be knee-deep in perspective.
I heard it mentioned (perhaps in this fine salon) that australians have an inherent fear of “boats from the north”…
There’s more illegals coming in by plane than…
oh shit, b10
If anyone cares to undertake some indepth reading on socio political trends you’ll find that there is a growing movement toward nationalism in many of the European countries. I’m not saying that this is good or bad just simply that it is. More restrictive immigration in an attempt to close off the borders is becoming commonplace. With the racial tension constantly on the boil in France and Holland, there’s a growing realisation that the great liberal dream of a cosmopolitan world with open borders is in reality not viable. In the ideal world it would be great to be warm and fuzzy toward everyone seeking asylum or wishing to emigrate but the implications of such policies are yielding unforseen complexities and the clash of cultures/civilisations is one of the central factors.
You said it..
i see jh has been reading andrew bolt colum,s again
cm, who the fuck is andrew bolt?
you on the metho again or what?
He’s a notorious right-wing idealogue who writes for one of the Murdoch papers – I’d love to break his nose.
Good call with regards to cm though, James. Personally, I think his mother regularly drank metho when she was pregnant with him.
Awww, wouldn’t you feel bad if that were true?
Ouch, burned by common man. That’s gotta hurt.
So how were the Cronulla riots? Sounds like you were there
Barricading myself from the idiots from other places that were half the problem?
The other half of the idiots were local true and also deserve to be locked up.
It always takes two to tango
White power!!!
Straw man
Clearly, nationalism does not help people to spell correctly. You got ‘Sudanese’ right, the other nationalities you hate you have misspelled. Go back & do it again. Must try harder.
Well ,im in front of cm, at least you understood the message.
If you want to be a Pedant then improve your style.
Must try harder is not much of a sentence?
And yet “Oh, do fuck off” is a good one, with only one extra word…
I’m not going to argue with you. I could, and perhaps should, but I won’t.
I will say this. Nationalism and patriotism are two different things. One’s f*cked, the other isn’t.
You could benefit from widening the scope of your reading.
Hear hear!
Shirl,
Maybe and you could try the same with attitudes.
I’ve tried a few out in my time JH. This one serves me and the world around me best.
You maybe, please leave the rest of the world out if it.
No. But I’m happy to leave you out of it.
Shirley,
Are you the higgs boson?
Yes. Yes I am. 🙂
Shirl,
and you live below the Swiss/French alps.
now that does explain a lot
Do elaborate JH, I’m intrigued.
The detector does. The higgs, if it exists, is everywhere. It would be what gives particles their mass.
Nationalism has a number of different meanings.
It is a synonym of patriotism, in which case it can be a healthy thing.
It can also describe a belief that your nation is superior to all others, which is destructive.
Finally, it can describe aspirations of independence of those whose cultures have been absorbed within, or merged with, others’ (e.g. the Balkans, former Soviet Union etc.) – whether this is good or bad has been debated for centuries.
I suspect most nationalism falls under patriotism, however it can easily degenerate towards the second definition. On my reading JH hasn’t crossed that line.
Poppy,
Nicely put
Well, there are some aspects of Nationalism that appeal to me. On the other hand, I can’t quite abandon my collectivist leanings either. Perhaps if there were some way to make a kind of Socialism, that was also National?
oh will…
you’re wicked!
Very noice Will. I snickered.
That’s called the ‘new conservatism’, which is what Andrew Bolt (love him or loathe him) subscribes to.
Well done!
Schnell schnell !!
Will, you are taking the piss? There is and it is called Nazisim as propofed and executed by Adolf Hitler.
Perversely, there’s a Russian variant known as National Bolshevism.
Of course he was!
Silly Mr Hunter.
Does comparing nazism to nazism still count as Godwin’s?
It’s a doubling down of Godwin’s.
Well said Shirley M.
JH – stick to juggling mate.
you are ignoring the obvious examples of the chinese in australia with an heritage possibly longer than your own. and the migrants and refugees of the post war period. all are integrated and valued squares on our national quilt. In time no doubt all other ethnicites will too. The much beloved and bemoaned ‘aussie’ attitude pervades and perseveres. Have you heard Haseem El Masri or Waleed Ali speak? Both are great ambassadors for a new australia and embody our egalitarian heritage (the REAL australia btw imho).
Learn Singlish and get with the times Pop!
This stuff is so obvious it’s almost trite and takes a deliberate effort of will to ignore.
I am a relatively recent migrant. I have (I hope) integrated in our national quilt. But I also look, with shame, at those who come from whence I did and refuse to do the same. I look at their continuation of old conflicts even when these conflicts have ended some time ago.
I am originally from the Balkans Chubb, and nationalism there really had a much different meaning to what JH is talking about. I’ve come here and express Australian nationalism in the sense of patriotism, whilst I observe some, yet not many, express it as a feeling of superiority.
This “stuff” is not obvious, and claiming otherwise is no more than a thinly veiled attempt at gaining a moral high ground and avoiding engaging in sensible debate.
please forgive me.
I tire of the xenophobes.
I love the idea of a multicultural society united under the sign of BBQ!
I have experienced balkan nationalism first hand, before and after the war, being once married into a ‘yugoslav’ (at the time) family. I met many who had to perpetuate the past evils (Tony, we must know that we are Croatian!)
It may be what makes me fear the growth of our own insular nationalism (I think we are discussing a thing more properly termed jingoism btw)
I’m guessing it wasn’t a pretty sight. I think we agree that a true multicultural society, where all contribute their uniqueness to a common whole and feel proud of that entirety, is what we strive for, whereas bringing destructive nationalistic tendencies to a place you are choosing as your new home isn’t. The latter seems…well…bogan.
hopefully it fades with the generations.
it’s just so much fun here.
🙂
Chubby ,
wanting to protect our borders and way of life is a jastly different thing to religious bassed ethnic clensing.
please dont bring your overseas phobias to this country. that after all is the type of thing i am speaking against.
I do suspect that both you and Poppy agree with me but dont rush to say so.
Well said, cbf. I personally loathe the Bulldogs, but hold Hasim in high regard.
I concur.
the doggies are a tumour.
nationalism stops at the cricket and the rugby.
and maybe the ‘limpics.
I’m particarly afeard of this new breed of aussie pride.
two innocuous words once. heavily loaded now.
it’s all so american,
and not long ago we were comparing america to the nazis.
seriously – the last time a fiercely nationalistic nation was moving troops into sovereign territory en masse…
Nationalism is actually much more heated elsewhere (as Poppy says sometimes these conflicts cross borders). It’s an instinctive reaction to feel threatened when someone invades your space (heck, even my guests do it to me), the real test is how you do in the long run. Plenty of societies, including Australia, do OK most of the time when accommodating different groups.
Also Chubby, the anti-US position gets very tiring after awhile. I used to be a flaming red in my callow youth (am a pink now after seeing a bit of life) but this knee jerk reflex to blame the US for all ills is immature. Americans= Nazis=Godwin’s Law
And I know Aussies love “this is our _ (insert as appropriate)” but it’s really a Cronulla skirmish. Riots are deadly stuff – take it from someone who has seen some very very ugly ones.
sure.
it’s reductionist.
and I don’t shy from immaturity,
but the last ten years have seen some dark days, and I can’t help thinking that if the US hadn’t stuck it’s bayonet in the hornet’s nest… but I don’t want to go all Michael Moore on it, (feel free to colour me “down” with that particular memetic if it helps)
and with due acknowledgement to your good self and the earlier poster Poppy of West Balkans, our ‘riots’ are pretty tame stuff. but I’d rather put in my two bob now than wait for krystalnacht.
at the risk of overstating things.
(we seem to be arguing semantics again.
surely we are all on the same page with the various flavours of “nationalism”.
As people of good will and open mind?)
Chubby I don’t think it’s a simple imperial invasion that happened in the past ten years but that is a subject for another day.
Yes we are on the same page (and I might add I normally “heart” your comments!). But I do get that people get upset about various nationalities coming into the country. Eventually the good will and perhaps the open debates and opinions like yours help in making for a multi cultural society.
I take your point on Cronulla. I am sort of ambivalent about it. I think there is a certain sense of feeling alienated amongst the majority and it’s not assuaged by making it seem like they are marauders. But yes I am inclined to think the two bob makes a difference.
O but this is all too serious for TBL!!! We are supposed to make witty comments on bogues and S&G!
In fact, on reflection, (I smoke outside) I will offer that “America exemplifies the worst of everything in western society”. (The failings of american society have been extensively documented elsewhere.) In rebuttal we are offered “the market” as their contribution to humanity. manifestly the root of all injustice. “we are building a world you cannot afford to live in and denying you the resources to even try”. I find chinese history to be infinitely more benevolent, the last fifty years notwithstanding. In fact, I hope for a future in which the united states has collapsed utterly as a society and we can turn the whole bloody thing into a collective farm and national park.
also, as one self made and approaching my 50th trip around the sun and who views the deep ecology in semiotics and memetics, rather than your “letters to the editor” paradigm, I am faintly insulted by your condescending “after seeing a bit of life” comment.
forgive me.
came over all indignant.
@ SD *proffers paper bag* “Sweetie?”
Chubby, no need to apologise, in spite of my comments I know your posts are because you care. Thanks for the “sweetie”!
In my defense I thought you were one of the young uns. It wasn’t meant to be condescending.
Personally I think it’s not just the bogues who deal in stereotypes, in general the Western intelligentsia casts us as “victims” or “benevolent”. Neither of these are true and Asian countries are far more complex and not all are paradigms of good (the US I might add is also a complex country and both bogues and non bogues here readily draw on American life). The inverse of Bush’s axis of evil which casts the US as the villian is far too simplistic for me.
oh,
I had no idea you were american!
oh wow. my mum is in NY just now!
have you seen her?
Quelle horreur! Non, non – je suis un indien de Malabar. Nous sommes tous les communistes là.*
*thanks to translation2.
LOL
Our highly trained and extremely cynical though slightly conciliatory agents can find you anywhere.
what the hell is up with ‘pick on chubby’ day?
chubby ,
see you can say intelligent things!
The Americans give us the “free market” and look at the cost of being tied to the giant stuff up they have just made of it?
This country trhanks to strong resources and fast acting government has come out better then most places but dont thank the septics for anything.
Unfortunately, many large negligence litigations are heard in front if juries full of bogans. Usually Jack Lemmon isn’t there to talk sense into them though.
Bogan juries? I don’t think so. Bogans do and say anything to get out of jury service! I was called up for jury service a few years ago and when in a court room for jury selection, bogan after bogan asked to be excused from sitting as a juror on the case because they were working on a project at work which could not proeceed without them. All of them, the same excuse. They saw the first bogan be excused by saying this and the rest all used the same excuse; they didn’t have the imagination to come up with something original! The judge was getting mightily peeved at the end of it! Indispensable work bogues…
Luckily for me, my selection was successfuly challenged by the defendant for this 3 month long fraud case, but the final 12 selected were either pensioners or ‘new’ Australians. Not one bogan was on that jury.
But if bogans did get selected on juries, they should re-make that old Jack Lemmon movie…imagine that ’12 angry bogans’
Sounds like bogans know they are not smart enough for the responsibility. Excellent.
when i did jury duty a few years ago on a drug importation case it was interesting to see who the prosecution and defence objected to – the prosecution objected to three younger, bogueish types, the defence to three older, stern-looking types. and of course the defendant was a bogan who proclaimed his innocence and ignorance in the face of overwhelming evidence. none of it was his fault, you see.
They Can’t Handle Jack Lemmon!!!
o
wait.
that was jack nicholson
No, it was the truth Chubby!
They can’t handle the truth.
Don’t forget P.K. Simpson, who screen their television commercials between late morning advertorials and early afternoon soap operas and Murder She Wrote repeats. Naturally, a bogan who has done their back in will be convalescing at home whilst awaiting the court appearance, and the bogan mother of eight will be at home all day anyway, as bogan-hubby is out winning the bread, naturally to be blown at the local RSL. And, to appeal to the bogan, their catch-phrase is “Homer doesn’t work here but P.K. does”, thus identifying themselves with a famous cartoon character the bogan is acquainted with via popular culture. (They may even watch The Simpsons, but only for the wacky, sometimes violent cartoon humour – the genuine, insightful satire naturally goes over their head!)
I’m very surpised Keddies hasn’t come up yet. After all, their mascot is the very Bogan Fatty Vautin…
not sure what the bogan thinks of keddies at the moment – there’s been some very negative press in the smh, but sydney bogues tend to read the terror so might not be aware of it.
Having once been forced to attend local court here in Boganvilla I can atest the legal system is no laughing matter, regardless of what various “Carry On” movies would have you believe. It’s something to behold however as the local clerks try and deal with hordes of bogans on various driving, petty theft, and glassing charges, who want to go and have a f**king smoke at the exact moment they are called in to answer for their crimes.
Anywise having seated myself in a court room, waiting on the case I was involved in to come up, I had a chance to see the legal system work in all it’s glory, if by glory you mean “I might have f**king done it” as an opening statement. Apparently Solicitor advice to wear clean clothes, a tie if one owns one, and something other than thongs as a preferred footwear choice isn’t compulsary. In fact tees claiming the wearer is a proud Aussie, football jerseys, or whatever the bogan in question could steal from their neighbour’s washing line on the morning of the trial seemed apparently the apparel of choice. One really must feel sorry for the poor judge who had to enquiry on a number of occasions whether or not that was the best a defendant could wear to caught. On one memorable occasion the defendant in question answered in naive xtremeness that they would have worn something decent but it was in the wash after the previous day’s court appearance on another charge.
It would seem the Bogan doesn’t work on a defense so much as an excuse to why they glassed some tourist, were caught drink driving for the nth time, or were on Harvey Norman property late at night trying to get a large screen tellie out a plate glass window that just happened to be smashed at the time. Seems it’s all anger management issues, they are of course seeking professional help there, or they were too drunk to remember. Each and every one of them of course needs a second chance and they wont do it again regardless of the long list of prior convictions.
On the bright side the court system may be able to catch up with the backlog considering “Hey Hey It’s Really Old Washup People” is now back on air, not to mention the loug being on, and the whole “Twilight” thing.
I wonder if putting what you have so succictly described into a reality show would have a negative or positive impact.
No doubt the bogues would flock to it either way.
You might be onto something there. I love watching COPS. But the most unsatisfying thing about that show is the fact that every case is left unfinished. They arrest the redneck in question, take him down to county and book him… but then what? What happens when he gets to court? The pre-show disclaimer: “All suspects are innocent until proven guilty” just doesn’t cut it. A supreme court reality show in a cops format would be sensational! Interview the Bogan before his case while he’s waiting around at the court-house… then play his case and the verdict.
Of course, you could always just go down the court-house and see it live. But I’d rather observe these people from the safety of my living room.
Isn’t that show called ‘Judge Judy’?
Judge Judy isn’t criminal court.
It’s boganriffic, nevertheless.
I not so secretly love Judge Judy. She, personally, is a cool lady. The plaintiffs and defendants, on the other hand…
I remember JJ being out here in Australia years back, and she’s nothing but a far-right wing loudmouth.
Asked about the hard drug scourge, her suggestion was to put them all on an island with all the drugs they desired……and one needle.
Loaded with HIV…
That ain’t cool, thats bogue.
Ah, they’re all a bunch of nyudniks.
Said it on here before, will say it again:
Judge Judy rocks !!
Shirl, spot on, Judge Judy is equivalent to our court of Petty Sesions.
Ooh, that reminds me of an episode of COPS a mate of mine got me to watch.
The redneck was being interrogated at the scene with his buddies standing behind him leaning against a car. One of them has his jeans unzipped and he had placed his Johnson in full view of the camera.
It was very, very funny.
“give us the money lebowski
or we cut off your Chonson!”
I see the emergence of a new Godwin’s. The Big Lebowski is frequently quoted on this site. Let’s call it ‘The Dude’s Law’ (of course).
I know we’ve been through this with Sandiland’s… but The Dude’s Law has to be a positive thing, a thing to look forward to. And Jeebus knows, we need that.
I’m in.
What would the dude do?
WWTDD!
*Dude
Smoke a joint, mix a white russian…
… ahhh f*ck it. Let’s go bowling.
… mmmm caucasian
This is such a “good” idea I’m surprised Prime or Nine haven’t come up with it yet
The only problem I foresee is that the target audience would largely have experienced it first hand.
I guess they could get excited about seeing one of their relatives/mates/themselves on the telly.
worse – there’d be some that want to get on the show.
My poor mum wasn’t aware that these type of people existed until she was called up for jury duty. Opened her eyes up so wide that I’m surprised one of the little ferals didn’t pinch them.
Dad said there were lots of long hot showers to make her feel clean again.
is your mum Fiona of Toorak?
Fiona would never name a child “Mick”.
sensational!!!!!!!
Have to agree, Mick is too Irish and too “Caflic”
mick is short for Michael
LOL. Michael is still far too common. Of course, I shan’t have any children. They ruin your body.
buggered mine right up!
Yes, I walk past Melbourne Magistrates’ Ct everyday to work and I like to call it “Society’s Great Leveller” or “Where the City meets the Streets”. There is a cafe about two doors down called “Petty Sessions” where bogan after bogan goes to have a “Kappacheenow” and chain-smoke Horizons nervously before due in the Ct. After about 1pm the place is full of said bogans and their families having a few celebratory VBs because Wayne got off with a good behaviour bond.
Even better used to be the Riverside Hotel at the bottom of King St. Before the metro limp wristed book reading sorts got hold of it and ‘made it better’, a few of us lonely types would visit for our Friday arvo laugh at the roughians who were just released from the remand centre.
We had an old Vietnam vet crying to us that he lost half his platoon, oh how we laughed.
So true GB, I recall it being a Monday morning in late January, coming out of Flagstaff Station to emerge on William St for the walk to work. As I came closer to the Magistrates Court, I was hit by a huge cloud of cigarette smoke and countless number of bogans! Many sitting at the cafe with their Cup of Chinos. For a second I thought ‘What is going on here?’ Then I realised…the courts were back in session for the year!!
Another day when coming out of the station, some poor, young, dishevelled bogan girl of about 12-14 years of age approached me and asked where the Childrens Court was. Having never been there, I could only tell her where I thought it was. I felt so sorry for her, as she had to face court alone; no parental support. Then again, if she had some decent parenting, she probably wouldn’t be facing court in the first place. So sad.
I had to go to court late last year and waiting outside was one of the most depressing things I’d ever had to endure, as all the bogans turned up for court seemingly with their whole families. Like they thought it was a picnic or something.
“Hey, kids! Go fuckin’ get ready for Brayden’s monthly court visit!!”
Anyway, I saw this shambling mess of a bloke wander up and was met by (I assume) his solicitor. But he’s turned up with a bright orange BWS bag in his hand with two largies in it!
They were some distance away so I couldn’t hear what was said, but the solicitor gestured to the bag and words were exchanged. The bogan looked sheepish then took out the bottles and tried to stuff them into the pockets of his trackie dacks. Presumably to make them invisible.
From where I was I could almost swear the solicitor shook his head in disbelief.
That story has made my day!!
That’s exactly as I saw it when I had to spend months back and forth there last year.
I couldn’t believe how at least half of them looked like dog dinners. Lawyers not looking much better.
So true about the cigarette timing, I will admit, that every time I went out for a smoke was exactly that wrong time. I did stop going out after it happened a couple of times.
Oh the excuses were lamer than anything I’ve ever seen on Judge Judy!
Oh dear my post was in reply a while back to XtremeBoganHunter I think. The court story, I had no idea I would be replying so far down the line or I would’ve said.
Sorry 🙂
Do bogans watch Law and Order? That’s (or was) Noam Chomsky’s favourite show…
Noam’s still alive.
Or maybe what you meant by ‘was’ was that he now has a new favourite show.
Either way, say it ain’t so!
I thought bogans liked CSI more than Law & Order…
With all the cross-promotion on ACA and all…
You took the words right out of my mouth, Shirley.
What next? A posthumous revelation of Howard Zinn’s love of CSI?
I can’t recall where I heard this, possibly when Chomsky was being interviewed by Phillip Adams on RN a few years back. On the other hand, Jerry Orbach was still alive and acting then, and the writing hadn’t descended to purely ripped-from-the-headlines so the show was much better.
LOL. Nobody puts Noam in the corner!
TBL, Time to do a post on BMW’s. The ultimate CUB status symbol!
The cheapest of the luxury cars below Mercedes et all.
Extra points if it’s spray painted with a personalised plate.
superseded by Audi.
do keep up phil.
😉
Chubby,
Thats why I stick with my Citroen C5. They will never become popular with the bogans !
LOL. They will never become popular with ANYONE!
Fi, the Froggies love em
No doubt this suggestion will seem like ‘political correctness gone mad’ to you JH, but please stop using derogatory ‘nicknames’ for nationalities of people. I consider it to be both offensive and immature, and I’m sure I’m not the only one.
and all ruined with massive 20+ inch rims…which were probably stolen from Bob Jane during the riot…
BMW, Audi? Come on. Nothing screams CuB like a Chrysler 300C
The black one look like a Mafiamobile
It’s gotta be the Lexus for the NAB, surely?
Lexus 4×4 just got a huge panning in the US and is with drawn from the market.
I personally have not experienced ‘vexatious litigation’ from either side of the fence in my life, but this post has just reinforced the Narcissistic character of the bogue.
They believe that the entire world revolves around them in every moment of every day. I feel as though this ties in closely with the ‘Freedom of Speech’ post.
Yet another pillar of Boganic xenophobic and insular attitudes.
Yet another self justification. “I took the caarnts ta court!”
I got a “mate” at S&G. On speed dial.
Branded Lawyers. S&G T-Shirt anyone?
No growth.
Speed dial, the other great tool within the bogue’s hand reach.
There was a classic bogue I worked with many years ago who had Lawsy’s number top of his speed dial list. Whenever management threatened to interrupt such things as a beer (or 5) at lunch time, no leaving early on Christmas Eve or some such, the bogue would loudly proclaim it’s threat to the surrounding serfs to ‘call out the dogs’ and ‘get Lawsy on the case’.
Probably would have worked actually.
3 months in the company and he got knocked down by a car on South Dowling St (ie busiest damn road you can think of) around 10-ish one night, having gone straight to the pub after work. Somehow sued someone, got $100k compo plus was off work, fully-paid, for 4 months.
He related the story to me and was proudest of the fact he hadn’t dropped his kebab.
A pure bogue moment!
Pity, if he had dropped his kebab he may have got another $20k.
“Nutritional deprivation” and “emotional torture”.
Probably insisted on eating it in the ambulance.
For the sake of my sanity, I’m going to tell myself that you made this story up.
nope. I still have many Greg stories up my sleeve….
Alright… you forced it out of me…
We were on conference up at Coolum, very spanky resort hotel place up there. Qld, perfect one day, hurricanes the next so it rained all frickin’ week didn’t it.
The place was a swamp. That didn’t keep some diehards from the golf course, so we got out there… to find Greg and some compradres were a hole or two ahead… and had done donuts on the green in the golf buggy.
Management had to cough up some outrageous amount to fix it and we were banned from attending the place for a year. It was just gob-smackingly embarrassing.
Oh My God!!!
On The Green?
Thanks for sharing.
Baffling!
CM, that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all week.
ALAS !! I never thought I would see cm and funny in the same sentence. By cm I assume you mean Mr Miaow. We don’t want to encourage common man…
Yes, Antosha… there’s no way common man could be intentionally funny. Chairman Miaow, on the other hand…
“pity the poor, fat, aged, brown, slut, fagget, smart, public service, boss, c#nt who tries to f#ck with me!”
S&G Bra!
I’m going into the defence of the no win no fee crowd. A few years back I needed to put in a workers compo claim (a genuine claim, the workplace was advised of safety issues and they didn’t rectify the faults thus “someone” was injured as a result), and yet the insurance company did everything they could to knock back the claim.
We used a no win no fee place (as we had just paid out all our money to Dr’s and hospitals, and not it was not Slater and Gordon) and they were able to convince the insurers to pay the medical bills (which is all we wanted). Had we had to pay for a lawyer we would not have been able to afford one as we were already well out of pocket, and there is always the risk that the big boys will keep throwing money at their legal team to make the problem go away without actually paying a cent to us to recoup our medical expenses.
Now all that said, I think this post should be talking about the “slip and fall” ambulance chaser type lawyers, whom promote stupidity and are hindering natural selection.
Andrew your last paragraph is gold but I think SLAG do this. This is why there is always a gunt of bogans in the waiting room.
GUNTOXEN!!
Gold Edna!!!!!
Reminds me to ring Woolies in regards to the green rubber band I chocked on. A bonus toy in their mixed salad.
Has anyone noticed that only the douche bags from Toorak include their suburb even though they’re the only one’s who actually care? I should start a website called thingswankersdo.com LOL
JacJacJacqui (formerly of Brighton East, just in case that was important to anyone from Toorak)
What makes you think they are from Toorak?
They’re invented personalities. Fiona makes a real effort for hers and should be applauded.
Things wankers do – Bite at Trolls!
Jacjacjac
your from Victoria ,that says it all
we all remember that song jac,jac,jackie but you dont remember that it takes a couple of fools to protect fi,,youve been attacking their queen bee expect bites
if you were from Toorak, you would understand.
LOL. Only someone from Brighton East (i.e., West McKinnon) would post such a ridiculous thing. Jealousy’s a cure Jacqui (note bogan spelling).
LOL Thanks for answering STEVE of Toorak. Oh dear! Fi doesn’t understand the meaning of ‘formerly’ or ‘sarcasm’ 😦 Sad. And uneducated – Jacqui is the true French spelling (aka Jacqueline). Any other spelling is a variation. Jackie is the male spelling (aka Jackie Chan) and when used for girls it becomes the bogan spelling. Should’ve googled it before embarrassing yourself. Entymology is clearly not one of your strong points. Mine was an honest mistake (not realising that it was part of your ‘persona’), yours is just stupidity. I would have applauded the persona had you not displayed such bogan-like anti-intellectualism in your ‘witty’ response. But at least you’re funny, you’re forgiven 🙂
And James Hunter, you’re clearly NOT from Melbourne because you’re jealous and felt the need to point it out.
Since forgiveness is in the air, could you please explain your swipe at Queensland before? If you meant the “Gold Coast” by “Queensland” you’re instantly just a southern bogan.
If not, please ensure that you’re aware of the fact that this state is filling every day with southern bogans – and it’s easy, as a southerner on holiday or living here, to see these bogans and write them off as Queenslanders.
Don’t assume, please.
No, I lived in QLD. It’s bogan central.
Oh it sure is! Not necessarily from here but certainly bogans.
whereabouts?
No, I definitely mean the no-shoes bogan residents. I lived 20 minutes out of Brisbane, Caboolture, for two years. We’d seen enough, moved back to Melbourne..
I’m not sure what this argument is? Maybe I just took personal offence because you’re going on about Qld as though Queenslanders are all bogans.
Did you ask all of these “no shoes” bogans where they came from ORIGINALLY? Everyone knows Caboolture is a hot spot for southerners and/or bogans.
Just saying…
Just like everyone ‘knows’ QLD is bogan central. We had a car so we travelled outside of our suburb. To be perfectly honest with you, I don’t actually think any one state is more bogan than the next, maybe between suburbs? I was just having a crack because some douche said something about being from Victoria. I thought if it was ok for someone to generalise about an entire state then I certainly could. Just being a shit stirrer really. 😉
I’m pretty sure Caboolture has been bogan since the day it was settled.
Craig Lowndes loves it. Need I say more?
All the glamour and mystique of Woody Point, but without the water views.
all the ennui and insularity of Kilcoy but closer to the city.
Blah. On this board I have seen Perth, South East Queensland, Geelong, Western Sydney and now the entire state of Queensland being described as being the epicentre of boganism in this country. Can’t we just accept that all states and territories have bogans? I once worked in a call centre for eighteen months, taking directory assistance & messaging calls from all over the country for customers of one of our major mobile telcos. I can assure everyone that no state has a claim to higher or lower concentrations of obnoxious, demanding, uncultivated, whining, homophobic, racist, abusive and elocutionarily challenged bogans compared to other states!
I’ll agree with that…
Fair points.
Being from here I hear people every day (who have moved here or are on holiday) complaining about Queenslanders, as though they are the only people new to the state. That is all.
fair call.
my wife worked at stellar too.
Jacie,
Jelous???
overcome with joy would be closer.
Who’s Jacie? Do you mean JC from Little Big Soldier?
Or perhaps from the 1987 film “Baby Boom”?
entymology
lol.
what number was malapropisms?
No sweet, just an extra letter, no need to get your knickers in a knot. Can you guess what the extra letter is? I KNOW!!
be cool yolanda.
jus’ funnin’
sorry
Entymology: the branch of science dedicated to the history of words for insects? 🙂
Awww aren’t you cute. Drop the N.
What, the branch of science dedicated to the history of words for isects?
Oi! Don’t pick on Fiona! She may be a troll, but she’s OUR troll.
LOL. WHY do all you lesser people insist on referring to me as a troll? Because someone from a superior station in life points out that fact, they’re a troll?
I think they mean droll.
However, to have a properly superior station in life suggesting glorious inbreeding and the like you need a name like Focke-Witte and not 10th century appendages like “of Toorak”.
*gracious curtsey*
(yes it’s a real place)
this individual chooses to express through a variety of literary devices. The LOL is indicative of the society marms flippant laugh at all proffered by the peasantry.
The Of Toorak gives sufficient depth and background to most of her succinct replies as to render elaboration unneccesary.
She has demonstrated her wit and intelligence on numerous occasions.
This repeated attacking of her in fact, feeds her character and gives it still greater substance.
As indeed does her pandering to sycophants.
LOL. *Ahem* I do not pander to sycophants. They pander to me!
Fi,
better then a good hit?
Excellent return?
She is a character playing a part………..People who are monied and of a certain class dont spend their lives laughing about “lesser” people all the while spending extraordinary amounts of time on the net doing nothing of worth themselves.Fiona is very likely to be an overweight, moderately educated nobody in a “middle middle, maybe lower middle” class suburb who gains self esteeem from this imagined character.
LOL. Wrong, wrong, wrong and wrong. In other words, just a typical comment from you.
I have written a haiku I’d like to share with you all.
Slipped at IKEA.
A farkin’ meatball! Hello?
Slater and Gordon.
Hehheheh!
Wanky brainiac!
Only poofters write haikus!
Time to glass a cunt.
Hahaha… I love silly haikus. I used to write them about SPAM (the “meat” kind).
First time I’ve logged on today, Shirl, and it was worth it for this alone.
ChamPAGNE comedy! I love it when TBL dabbles in the literary yarts.
I aim to please, Tombarina.
if i may make a late haiku entry:
it’s pc gone mad
get me glassing arm ready
bastards gunna pay
…and another thumbs-up from the judges.
It’s all happening here, at the Haiku Hippodrome!
*dies* it’s beautiful…
No c*nt calls me “c*nt”,
you c*nts are f*cken p**ftas.
something about trees.
this haiku thing’s a piece of piss!
Glassing c*nts at pubs,
Femme Bottled Derriere!
Lawyers Reverie…
Reminds me of an article I read about Italian bogan behaviour.
It Italy, there has recently been a spate of buttock stabbings. Apparently the logic is that it is rarely fatal and so the bogan will not likely end up with a murder charge.
Well you can’t argue with logic like that!
😀
Edna, I think you need to quickly snap up the trademark/website for bottled derriere.
bottled derriere™
Done.
…and to you, too, Edna – I doffs me lid.
And if I happen to slip mid-doff because some c#*t f*#ked up the atmospheric pressure and made it humid and slippery so it wasn’t my fault I f*#kin’ slipped, and you shouldn’t have done writ somethin’ funny in the first place, so, like, it’s YOUR f#*kin’ fault too, and Bill f*$kin’ Gates built the computer I’m readin’ this on so I’ll have what HE’S havin’…you’re all goin’ down.
Why thank you Tombarina!!!
Have you been into Chubby’s stash?
huh?
what did I come in here for?
*giggle*
I’m hungry…
ooh horsie!
How my heart swells and juices flow with all this haiku hijinks!
Bless.
Shirl,
The Higgs Boson is a postulated but not yet observed particle that is one of the things scientists are hopeing to creat and observe in the Large Hadron Collider which is located under the mountains of the alps on the Swiss/French border.
So if you are an as yet unobserved particle then that is the place most likley for us to find you. hence my postulation that the LHC is your home.
That’s not the bit I wanted elaboration on.
It was the ‘says a lot about me’ bit that I found intriguing.
Well Shirl,
it would make you a non existant Thingy or if you exist then you be stateless.
of course you could be every where in which case you would have to be a busybody.
Maybe I will go study
Random Matrix Theory and try to find some resolutions to the issue.
LOL. You’re more like the Hiss Bogon than the Higg’s Boson.
🙂
Bogans who think that “no win, no fee” means that if they lose they won’t have to pay anything are funny as. They really should really read the fine print in their cost disclosures (also, possibly read the law a bit) and realise that if you lose a civil suit, you will almost certainly have to pay the other sides legal costs.
So when the S&Gs of the world say “if you don’t win, we won’t charge you”, it actually means “if you don’t win, we won’t charge yout… but the other side will probably slap you with $40,000 in legal fees”.
Then the bogan goes to another lawyer to sue lawyer one for not telling them that they may have to pay the other sides legal fees.
The bogan assumes that, as lawyer two has “a no win, no fee” policy, they won’t have pay anything if they lose.
And then the cycle goes on…
Also, they will have to pay disbursements (meaning barristers’ costs and photocopying, largely, the lawyerly rate for photocopying being a rather generous one, and litigation being something that involves something like half a rainforest’s worth of photocopying).
For the three court excursions I had for Legal Studies, all if them were forbogan related crimes. My favouritecase was for one boguette pushing another boguette into oncoming traffic because shed been called a slag. So *elegant*.
Defended by SLAG?
My Yr 12 Legal Studies court trip (many years ago) included a case where a ‘lady’ had been busted for street solicitation. It was a very interesting case. The prosecuting police officer was on the stand quoting the conversation he had with the accused which led to her arrest as part of his testomony. Our class learned that the going rate for head job was $20, intercourse was $80 and anal was $50 extra. We loved that trip. Apparently the teachers were deciding whether to do the trip again the following year!
Mmm, solicitation. All the best ho’s is in Toorak. Booyakasha
much better than my yr 12 Biol to the bovine insemination collection centre.
that was my Yr 9 camp to the schools’ diary farm…yes, I impregnated a cow!!
but you f*ck just one goat….
the goat was consenting, all right!!!!
You casn get five years for that in queensland !!
So do you still have to get visits from your parole officer?
Much cheaper than a braclet from Tiffany’s!
A question for the TBL team. Will we ever reach the pinnacle; a post composed solely of cross-references and grammatical articles?
Such a day would please us immensely. But unfortunately, the bogan continues to mutate. TBL
Actually thinking about this Tiarnee may have a case against her boyfriend due to verbal contract, backdoor visitation rights, and the non appearance of a Tiffany bracelet. Wonder if she should call a certain law firm? It’s clearly a breach of contract amongst other things…. there’s a pun in there somewhere but just can’t find it….
Andy are you postulating a post modern bogan?
A post modern bogan, no. A post modern Things Bogans Like post, yes.
surely the very notion of bogue is entirely post modern darling?
Awww….You guys get a mention…
http://www.watoday.com.au/lifestyle/fashion/the-bogan-and-the-beautiful-20100414-sdwm.html
Surprised there wasn’t a store in Perth already, considering all the cashed-up mining boom-bling bogans. See TBL No. 60.
The mining boom “bogans”.Someone sounds jealous.Every minging boom “bogan” I know is barely into their 30’s/40’s with a fully paid up home, fully paid up car and a very nice life.If they leave their family with this and manage to successfully attain and maintain this lifestyle then I fail to see the problem. I find that people who whine about mining bogans are usually people who spent too long in the education system to work out they are still going to be a shit kicker for years to come, if not forever, or they are still in the education system and think rather highly of themselves for getting themselves massively into FEE help debt while getting “edjumicated”
BFFJ, you must have encountered a better, more switched-on class of CUB than I.
For every smart cookie who has used his mining hard-earned to pay off mortgages, car loans, etc, there’s a mob of them who have blown it on fully sick home theatre systems, jet skis, a boat, a 4WD for ‘when we go camping’ (only ever happens once), a camper trailer (see previous), several 60″ plasmas, etc, etc.
Townsville’s a good example – when the first wisps of smoke from the burning economies across the waves started to waft through the shiny, McMansioned outer burbs, the $hit hit the fan in a big way. One edition of the local Saturday paper had nearly two full pages of classified ads for jet skis. Just jet skis. Clever, clever mining CUBs and their canny investments.
Ahh yes, a classic hallmark of the bogan … deriding people who have the discipline, persistence and – dare I say it? – the intelligence to devote four or more years of going without a steady adequate income to achieve a worthy goal – earning a university degree, thereby increasing their employability, learning skills that are useful to themselves and to their fellow human beings, and cultivating their minds so they don’t end up as bogans complaining about those blessed with more grey matter.
I’ll chalk attitudes like yours up to Things Bogans Like No. 97 – Anti-Intellectualism. I’ll chalk the ridiculous nickname up to Things Bogans Like No. 21 – Massive Cans.
urbanreverie, our friend with the super-tricky, post-modernist name has also deigned to share his/her thoughts on the circumstances surrounding Tasmania’s aboriginal people on the Ernie Dingo page.
Oh, do check it out – but only if you’re wo/man enough to handle the REAL story.
Oh yes, do. It’s insightful. Not the information in the comment.. that’s not at all insightful. The comment itself.
Thanks Tombarina. It’s nice to confirm that my diagnosis of BFFJ as a bogan was truly on the mark.
Still in the education system, getting myself massively into debt while getting “edjumicated” so I can piss off to a nation that values science and technology and not pay acent of it back. Enjoy your high chance of injury and early death, mining bogans.
“up yours children!”
I’d agree with this if University standards of today were comparable to what they once were but in my experience the level of teaching is of a low standard. Also it is a big call to say that being university educated makes a person an intellectual because quite often they are only knowledgeable in their chosen units and at a complete loss with much else. Intellectualism is not defined by wether someone attended university because these days almost everyone spends time in university.In order to cater for this they have had to “dumb down” many subjects.
please don’t confuse intellectualism with anti-intellectualism.
I don’t think he/she is. I learnt some cool stuff at uni, and it’s definitely a lefties way of thinking (read:thinking.) but that only applies to the students who have a thirst for knowledge. It’s easy to get through uni without broadening your mind, per se.
roger that.
I learnt waaay more at boarding school.
I can comment on this because I am a CUB. Trust me, for every one that does the right thing by themselves there is ten who blow the lot on toys or partying. It is pathetic to see.
I’m in a place where nobody earns less than 150k a year yet as soon as the downturn hit there were boats, jetskis, bikes and cars all over town with for sale stickers all over them. Lots of them learnt the true meaning of ‘fire sale value’.
These clowns deserve bagging. Not only for there lack of intelligence but for their aspirations to mediocrity as well. They really do my head in.
aspirations to mediocrity
bravo.
Mick, thanks for your post. I doubt that you are a CUB. You exhibit far too much evidence of insight and taste. Your spelling and grammar are impeccable. You realise that there’s a higher purpose in life that is greater than wasting money on toys. You are also probably self-disciplined enough to leave enough money for a rainy day, thus avoiding the need for a fire sale of your disposable assets that your town’s fellow residents had to perform.
If you do suffer from Bogan Syndrome, I’d guess your disability is so slight as to not warrant a diagnosis at all. So, welcome to the board. 🙂
Beautiful… we’ll be up to our eyeballs in Bogans by this time tomorrow.
Even more ironic, TBL is listed at the top of “10 websites we love” in….wait for it…..NW Magazine. Hurrah!
For those not in the know, NW is a relentless harrier for the truth on burning issues such as “Brad and Ange: their Italian sex cruise” and “Nic and Keith: soooo in love”.
Also big on how to dress, diet and coiff like a celebrity, along with ‘readers’ stories’ – “I shagged my dad, glassed a @&t and lost my kids down the back of the couch: how I got my girlish figure back”.
In short, it’s a femmebogue’s delight. Oh, the delicious irony of a plug for TBL!
PS: It was NOT my magazine. Truly. It was just kicking around in the lunchroom……
O Tombarina you dispense your sharp wit at this late hour when most are done with bludging at work and have been returned to the real world (sadly not me). But judging by your posts and alarming knowledge of NW I reckon you have been fraternising a bit too closely with the bogues.
Alas, SD, I fear you speaketh the truth on the fraternisation front.
Some of them are quite nice, as long as you keep it quick – otherwise, there’s a real danger of hearing all about HHIS and that hiLARious Daryl Somers and howfunnywasPlucka? and yada yada.
It’s at that point when the temptation to ram a pencil through a temple – mine, theirs; I’m not fussy – becomes overwhelming.
Oh the hilarity!!
I can NOT believe that not a single editorial staffer at NW stopped to think: “I wonder if they’re taking the p$$ out of us?????”
“I rammed a pencil though my temple, slowly a small tickle of blood made it’s way down my forehead. The bogue appeared not to have noticed, dimly I noted that he spoke on about last night’s television, an activity I had long forsaken. Suddenly two shots rang out. The XtremeBoganHunter had struck again. Slowly, very slowly the bogan fell forward. In an abstract, horrified way I noticed that the small crimson stain on my skirt was nicely matching the one on my forehead. And then I heard his last words “______”.*
OK, I seriously need to go home.
*insert your favourite boganism.
That is not how their brains work, all that registers is that they are talking about us.
Presumably the editors aren’t actually bogues, just people who have a good mastery of the things bogans like, and fleecing the bogue. Having a laugh at their own readership.
G.O.L.D.
oh wow, tombarina, that is some amazing and disturbing information. did they give any comment or reason for their choice or is it just a list? i’d love to know what their reason is.
this could of course result in an interesting few days/weeks as nw readors boldly venture here. i think we have some entertainment ahead.
I miss Lionel Hutz from The Simpsons
Vale Lionel Valo!
didn’t he shoot his wife?
She shot him.
Other way around 😦
Just logged in after a hectic day. Surprised this went unnoticed:
LOL. They were foolish enough to go up against my legal team once. As expected, your beloved Fiona came out on top.
I, too, would work well under you, dear Fiona.
If you listen to the guilt marketing strategy these mobs use its easy to see why the bogan has become so willing to “take the c*nts to court”. The message sent out is that its not your fault, you deserve it, why wouldn’t you fight for your rights etc, it makes me mad & prevents me from enjoying my right not to be pissed off by bogan targeted advertising. Is there anything I can do? I should sue the bast…….
Damn
i’ve never used S&G or know how they work. But if said bogan loses a case, it might be no fee to S&G but who pays the winner’s legal costs?
Da Bogue.
Thats where they use their carefully worded disclaimer “If you lose you don’t pay us a cent”
Aaaaah – tricky. Super-tricky.
Those sneaky lawyers – fancy them trying to outwit honest Aussie bogans with their slippery university-acquired legal ways. C$#ts should be glassed.
Actually, the majority of cases taken on by S&G are work and motor vehicle accident claims, and (at least in Victoria) the majority of them settle with the plaintiff/bogan’s legal costs being paid by the other side, irregardless of the size of the settlement and irregardless of the merits of the bogue’s claim.
It’s quite frustrating for those working as defendant lawyers (although you get paid reasonably well for your troubles).
Even when the bogue’s case is looking bad (like when the defendant’s lawyer produces the surveillance footage of the bogue helping his brother-in-law bricklayer despite the otherwise debillitating back injury), the settlement usually involves the bogue walking away with nothing, but still having their legal fees picked by WorkCover/TAC – i.e. by taxpayers generally.
If ACA or TT ever did a story about bogues ripping off the system thanks to WorkCover/TAC’s generous “model litigant” policies, the people would be outraged…
TBL…this is my favourite post so far! Your line…”the bogan’s firm belief that several years of watching Law & Order have prepared it for the rigours of the Australian courtroom”…made me laugh out loud. It is frighteningly accurate.
At this late hour when no one else is reading, I will out myself. I am a lawyer. I work for a large firm, which has a predominantly corporate client base, however, I am still required to deal with bogans way more often that I should have to. Bogans who think that because they have watched every episode of Allie McBeal means that they can tell me how to do my job.
My favourite bogan experience happened when I was a second year lawyer (quite a few years ago now). I was given the job of repossessing a bogan’s house. Said bogan telephoned me one day, understandably upset ( afterall it wasn’t her fault that she had not paid anything towards her mortgage in 3 years), anyhow she yelled how what the bank in question was doing was illegal. I asked her on what basis she thought the impending repossesion was illegal to which she responded…’Because Today/Tonight said so!’ – God Bless – is there any wonder I love this site so much!
For those not familiar with legal circles, the easiest way to tell how bogan friendly (and more than likely dodgy) a law firm is, is where it advertises. If it is on late night tv, on the back of telephone book, in the local tv guide or via a business card handed out by a tow truck driver, then run, don’t walk away from its office!
One final note, in response to Tubesteak’s original comment this morning about no-win/no-fee firms being where those from lesser universities with bad marks end up, that is not necessarily true. From my observations it is ‘lawyers’ who are too socially retarded to work anywhere else and cannot handle the pace and demands of commercial practice. Socially retarded people can come from the best of universities!
things bogans might like
Heston Blumenthal.
ugh.
that bacon-and-egg flavoured icecream of his does combine the bogans love of junk food, but would they not get frustrated at not being able to pronounce his name?
ugh!
I had to walk off when he was pan frying the rodents.
but his guests! my god! that bleached harpy with the bony decolletage was like fingernails on a meat slicer.
and she kept hooting!
it’s a bogan genetic marker – woo!
isn’t he on SBS? Bogans don’t watch SBS unless it is to see some French girl taking her knickers off in a late-night movie
Bogans don’t watch sbs! It means they have to read, thus rendering them unable to watch the movie.
[IMG]http://i269.photobucket.com/albums/jj69/splatters/Achtung.jpg[/IMG]
Things Bogans Like… “Class Actions”
http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/people-signing-up-to-bank-fees-class-action-per-hour/story-e6frf7jo-1225866109660
After reading the start of these comments, I would have to say that Fiona of Toorak must be a classic bogan. She clearly has a degree from a GO8 university – somehow??? The classic sympton of bogan behaviour is the great pleasure they take in letting everyone else who went to a “lesser” university know how inferior they are! Somehow they think their previous bogan status dissappears once they enter through the sandstone arches. I’m a lawyer in Brisbane and I tell you I meet these tossers every day of my working life!
LOL. I gather you were full fee paying at Bond?
Who cares where I went. But this clearly remains important to you, perhaps for your own self esteem. And, who cares if you went to “higher” university – you are clearly very stupid, and a poor advertisement for whichever university you attended. In fact this seems to be very common amongst bogans. The need to let everyone know how much they “know” even though their achievements in post sandstone glory – can be, well, limited. It seems Fiona does not even know she is a bogue – an unknown unknown phenonmena – classic, classic bogue…
LOL. You only don’t care where you went because you don’t want anyone to know.
And FYI, anyone who’s spent more than 5 minutes here knows where I went and what I studied. And it wasn’t one of the lesser Go8 universities.
Fi,
Looks like we got another legal aid from tafe acting up ?
I love the way you preface every comment with “LOL”. Right, I have only been on this site 5 minutes, but a survey of other categories and the coments suggets you spend much time on this site, rather than reading “classics” – bogan trait in itself? Let me guess, you studied classics, love to quote the Great Gatsby, Pride and Predjudice and the Brothers Karamzov to asinine in your undergraduate years. Now you consider yourself a sage and have “moved to Melbourne” – another bogan trait!
Tam, we all know Fiona lives in the outer western suburbs in a giant leggo McMansion. I am always more impressed with people that actually have an education in life. Our Fiona isn’t one of them.
LOL. Your comment reeks of anti-intellectualism. You belong here: https://thingsboganslike.wordpress.com/2010/03/03/97-anti-intellectualism/
LOL. Uh, those may be classic novels, but they do not constitute “the Classics”. Your ignorance is both astounding and sad.
Still, as your degree was “earned” from a non-Go8 university, I suppose I shouldn’t expect too much from you.
Fiona – I think there are some very fatal fundamental misunderstandings about the Australian legal system and how it treats injuries suffered at the hands of wrong doers.
If you are remotely responsible for your injuries through your own misguided attempts to accomplish a given task you will be held contributorily negligent and there will be a commensurate reduction in your settlement.
If nobody is to blame for your injury than you have no cause of action.
I think it’s blind arrogance to suggest university educated people do not suffer injuries at the hands of other people’s inattentiveness. I think its ill informed people with half an idea about a quarter of the information that make global gratuitous statements about subjects they know nothing of that represents the reason why nobody has a clear understanding of anything.
Your comments represent the typical perpetual university student who never grows up and enters the real world. You sit back and criticise and critique but never actually achieve anything yourself.
Wake up Alice.
CMA, while you make some good points, you clearly only know about accident compensation litigation in theory and are more than little naive about the law in practice.
For example, people injured in workplace and transport accidents receive compensation for their loss of income and medical expenses irregardless of their contributory negligence.
People pretend their injuries are greater than they are and frequently get away with it.
And (refer to my post above), WorkCover and TAC tend to pick up the legal bill even when they make the dodgiest claims.
Often, the justice system is actually very just.
not very just. oops
Julia Gillard’s affiliation with Slater & Gordon does nothing to alleviate the maxxtreme boganity of that firm of Ambulance chasers. Have you heard the woman talk? God help us….
I HATE Slater and Gordon. A tip for anyone opposing them – dont make any offers, its usually just bluff.
Slater & Gordon Lawyers fight for all clients in Australian society, high end to low end, and in doing so provide access to justice. Any matters lacking merit are obviously not going to be picked-up by the firm, as they would be thrown out by the courts. I have only encountered lawyers at their Sydney Office, but of those, a majority had obtained their degrees at UNSW or Sydney University, both established leading law schools. The author of this post and many of the comments listed above, are uninformed and simply opt for an unoriginal popularist opinion of plaintiff law firms. I would wager that this firm has done more for ordinary Australians than any other.
Thanks for your input, junior Slater and Gordon employee.
peebee,
You took those words right out of my mouth. !
In closing, thank you very much for your testimony, Mr Sydney. The Court chooses to ignore biased statements. Thank you for your time.
Good day.
p.s. while we’re chatting again p’bee and JH, did you hear the ridiculousness last week about the parents suing because their 13 year old got hit with a tennis ball? Their complaint? No protective eyewear!! HA
Me thinks they could not afford the school fees for said GC girl’s college…
Rather, Mr or Ms* Sydney, apologies for the oversight.
Adjourned. Ha
AlyssaKT,
Tennis ball “Slammed” wow I had always thought that was the intention ?
Just another toxic part of American Way. The Litiginous Society.
Add to Cultural Imperialism via TV Microsoft usa Spellcheck and the USA just always rembering to invite us to any war it starts but has no idea of how to win.
OK enough
But Balls to tennis suit I say.
Next time maybe the girl should wear a sumo suit, goggles, and helmet. She probably won’t be able to swing a racket anymore, but she won’t get any boo-boos, either.
http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/the-other-side/california-man-claims-bmw-motorcycle-gave-him-long-lasting-erection/story-e6frfhk6-1226344532360
SLAG will be watching this case with interest!
BMW sales will be on the Up and Up ?
What about the chainsaw attack?
http://www.news.com.au/national/man-nearly-loses-arm-in-chainsaw-attack/story-e6frfkvr-1226344179529
Music too loud, get attacked with a chainsaw.
Good on him I’ve fancied doing that to certain very evil people I’ve known. I say chainsaw attack is non-bogan. Because it shows conviction and guts. Ha ha. Guts.
I witnessed the mother of my godchild get into a screaming match with one of my best friends today because her baby was being held by a dirty farkin wh0re slag. (I made the mistake of taking him to lunch with me when my guest was one of my closest friends who just happens to be a hooker, who was in town for the day).
Do you get freebies Ash? How much does she charge?
I have hooked up with her once when we had a drunken night out together. But never a sober freebie. The Holy Grail of bogan prostitute mythology has never occurred with me and I have several friends who are hookers.
As for her cost, I’d link to her site but I don’t know what the TBL mods will do (naughty images). $400 for one hour of girlfriend experience. Pornstar Hour is $800.
They’re probably not here give me a look.